Well, D and I had a GREAT time in Tahoe w/ my father and step-mother and her uncles and cousins. We rode bikes, played down by the lake, lots of games and lots of good quality time together.
When we called W on Friday night, she asked to speak w/ me and she was crying. She said she didn't know if she could let me have D for Tuesday and Wednesday after we got back b/c she had never been away from D that long in her life. I told her I understood exactly how she felt b/c it kills me too to be apart from D. I'm hoping that sunk in a bit. She also cried and told me to tell my dad and step-mom that she loves them very much (which I passed on).
It seemed as if she didn't like being left out and the fact that D and I were off w/out her had sunk in and she didn't like it. Anyway, later that night, she sent a text telling me to have fun, that she loved D and asked not to badmouth her in front of D - which I don't care to do anyway.
Saturday D left her a message, but they didn't speak. However, on Sunday, W sent me several texts about how the lice treatment went. It was interesting b/c her conversation w/ me started by her mentioning she couldn't find the E-S sections of her children's literature books. It wasn't something we needed to discover right then, but it helped her to start up a conversation w/me, I guess.
Sunday W sent me a text about the new lice treatment and we exchanged texts on that, then I had D call and leave her a message before our plane left Reno at 6:45. W sent a text while we were in the air telling D she loved her, so I had D call her briefly when we touched down at 8:25 to tell her goodnight.
This morning, W met us at D's doctor appointment and after the appointment, D asked if she could play w/ mommy on the grass, so I said yes. Pretty soon all three of us were playing and picking up pine cones. At one point, W asked D if she and I were going out to breakfast, and I invited W to come along. She seemed a bit shocked at the invite, but accepted, so we headed to one of her favorite breakfast places. It was nice to go in as the three of us like the old days, but that didn't last long.
Right after ordering, W asked D if she wanted to stay w/ me another night or if she was "ready to come home." D said she wanted to stay, so I told W that I'd get a babysitter so we didn't put her back into the daycare where she picked up the lice.
W looked at me and asked why, and I said I'd be at the deposition as well. Her face went blank and she was really, really unprepared for the thought of me being there tomorrow. She asked "what is this for?" and I said "it is to clear up some questionable information." I left it at that, but W was visibly upset.
She got up and cancelled her order and then told D she had to leave b/c she had an appointment she had forgotten about. I told her I was sorry and I had assumed her L would have let her know I would be there tomorrow. She didn't acknowledge me and promptly took off.
After she got out of her L's office, she sent me a text to tell D they'll go out for a special dinner tomorrow. I replied and also told her I may have to take her across the valley to the daycare next to W's apartment b/c I was having trouble securing a sitter. W replied how that would be great and make things easier for her.
I told her that was a bonus for her and asked about June and July custody. W's response was: "well, I have a deposition tomorrow...I will talk to you after that."
I knew it was coming and that she'd be pissed off, but it was a bummer that we were doing so well this morning. Anyway, either this morning was an abberation or a glimpse of what we may be able to do in the future.
I've got some homework to do for tomorrow and I'll have to get D out of here early to get her across town and get back in a timely manner. Oh, well. Tomorrow won't be easy on W and I'm not looking forward to it either. It will be difficult on me as well.
However, there is that part of me that is curious to see what she does and how she reacts, as well as how my L chooses to play things.
I'll definitely be posting tomorrow night as I'll update you on what takes place. I just wish I wasn't here, but I am, so I have to do what I have to do for myself and my D.
I took D out for Sushi tonight b/c she LOVES her tempura shrimp, crab meat, and sashimi. During dinner, W sent a text stating she'd be picking up D after the deposition tomorrow. I replied that was what I thought would happen and I asked if I needed to call the daycare first or just drop her off. After W answered "just drop her off" I replied telling her I'd have D call her in a bit and told her to have a good night. I was just being polite, but W didn't take it that way.
She replied w/ "Have a good night? You are f-ing (spelled out) amazing." I sent back a reply saying "That wasn't meant to offend you, but obviously it did. I'll have D call you in a bit."
W's reply was "you are beyond amazing." D then called her and they talked for a few minutes and D told W that someone may be sitting her instead. This was wrong as I'd told D she'd be going to her daycare by her house w/ W. Anyway, W immediately fires off a mean text saying "We agreed she was going to (daycare). What are you doing?"
I replied saying "she is going to (daycare). (the girl) is one we had called, but she can't do it either."
Well, needless to say there should be a lot of fireworks going off tomorrow. I'm not sure what to expect, but it seems clear W's L got her redy for a fight tomorrow.
RTL, some things that Sun Tzu states in laying plans for war...
Quote:
If your opponent is of choleric temper, seek to irritate him. Pretend to be weak, that he may grow arrogant.
Quote:
Attack him where he is unprepared, appear where you are not expected.
Ok, the surprise is broken that you are going to be at the disposition tomorrow. That would have really thrown her. However, she now appears to be all fired up angry. This could work to your benefit. Just be yourself tomorrow. The balls are in your W's court and she probably will flounder trying to hit them all. Dont come to her rescue - there may be time for that at a later date. Right now, you are hoping for setting the stage for equal and fair parental time with Grace. Trust in your L as this is what you pay the big bucks for.
I just wanted to let you know that I will be praying for things to go just as they need to for you and Grace today. I am sure you will be happy when it is concluded.
You have played by the rules of the game she chose (divorce). She is about to find out that it is not fun or easy...and that she also has to play by the rules.
I hope the day goes smooth and as "painless & dramaless" as possible. I'll be thinking about you and hope everything goes well for you. Let us know what happened as soon as you can. L&XXXX K
RTL, I know this will be a difficult day for you no matter how it plays out. Just know there was nothing you could do to prevent this proceeding. Your wife insisted on it by her outrageous claims. Her L should have advised her that eventually you would fight back. She thinks you are f***ing amazing, well I wonder how she thought you reacted to her claims of child molesting and rape. This deposition, if nothing else, just might make her more aware of the consequences of her behavior. Yes she can be nice for a bit but she must face some of the things she has said and done. Until she does she will not be able to change. I am thinking about you and hoping for the best.
Hey everyone! Thank you for all your good wishes. The ordeal is over and I didn't blurt out like I wanted to several times, but I'm very, very angry now and quite a bit saddened by what I witnessed my W say on the legal record over the past 2 1/2 hours.
It was lie upon lie. I was an abuser. I ridiculed and belittled her consistently. I sexually assaulted her not only once, but TWICE! Apparently I drugged her in October and had sex w/ her even though she said "No" repeatedly. It was insane!
I have e-mails and prints of text messages to shoot this all down, but she still kept going on and on w/ her "party line." She admitted to the affair, but said it was only for 2 weeks in November. She admitted staying at OM's apartment w/ D, but said that was because her friends didn't want her to go to her house b/c they were afraid I'd come after her.
She said on the record I'd never hit her or done anything physical to her and she said she didn't fear I would physically hurt my child, yet, she stated I was a negligent parent.
I can't believe this is the woman I married. She even went so far as to say that it was MY idea to get the new wedding ring and I never gave it to her until she moved out, eventhough she had it sized and soldered together right after coming back from Indiana in early January. UNBELIEVABLE!
My L did a good job of painting her into a corner on a few things, like her saying that she moved 25 miles away to convenience her and she couldn't defend my not being allowed to spend more time w/ D. Her logic was illogical and I really wanted him to push her more on some things, but he said we'd need to wait until trial for that.
My L was confident that she had perjured herself enough in the deposition that if we go to a trial, she'll hang herself on the facts.
The two Ls started talking about splitting up assets and W's mouth dropped to the floor when she learned that everything she has for her investments would be 1/2 mine. As the L's were talking about how to split them up, W looked at me and said "I think we should just let you have what is yours and I'll take mine." I didn't answer and W's L said "He'll have to agree to that." I'm not sure I want to do that. She is lying under oath and making up stories that never occurred. More stuff than in the original. She also thinks that she shouldn't have to pay for 1/2 of our joint debts b/c she claims "she didn't approve the purchases."
I'm really, really mad over this. I know bizarre said I need to be ready for her to lie under oath, but I still can't believe she did it. She danced around things and didn't directly answer questions. I'm so pissed that I actually would like to see her grilled on the stand b/c she has created another world that never existed before.
She justified her reasons to live, but sadly she didn't speak the truth. I just don't know where I'm at right now. Today, I'm very angry and I'm not sure how I can try to continue to save this marriage. I'm just not sure she'll ever come from the deep end. I don't know if she really believes this stuff or if she's just feeling like she can't back out now. Is this guilt or has she created a new reality?
I'm down. I need to go medicate myself in beer. I'm very, very down. I thought she was better than that. I guess I was wrong.
It sounds like you had a tough time but made it through it..... I know how tough this is....
Whatever you do, be SURE to split ALL the martial assets and liabilities 50/50...... This has NOTHING to do with your relationship.... Do not let your feelings get in the way.... A close FF (female friend) did not have everything split 50/50 because she let her emotions get in the way.... Now, she regrets it.... She lost out to the tune of $500,000 USD.... exH walked away with $$$$$$$$$$$$ and multi-million dollar business....
IF (big if) you get back together..... You both got 50% which is fair.... The money has nothing to do with your R/M...... You need to separate the two.... Business is business....
If she never comes back... At least you got what was fairly and legally yours to start over again....
Take Care,
NMD
"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last --more than passion or even sex!" - Simone Signoret
RTL, I know what kind of pain you are in right now, it is just so sad that people do this to each other. But remember I said that legal involvement brings a whole new demension to an R, and L's fuel the fire. If there is a trail there probably will not be many assets left to split. Hold your line with your L and the two L's will work out a deal. I don't think anyone in their right mind would allow a 2 time rapist ( who used drugs no less) and child molester take their daughter on a trip. Both L's know this ans also know people say crazy things in a D. So try to stay calm and let your L handle the financial negotiations. As for your W, if I were you I would not have ANY contact with her , only times and places for visitation, nothing else. Why would she be texting a 2 time rapist????? Perhaps that is something you may as your L. Enjoy your beer!
