Wow! I have been following along and boy, have you been given alot of words of wisdom to ponder tonight.
Strong & Alive: you say that you have been here for three years, yet your logon states 07, were you here by another name? In any case, your words of wisdom are very enlightening.
DanceQueen: I am very sorry that your marriage ended in divorce but am confident in reading your posts that your new marriage will be spectacular!
If anyone of you wants to jump on over to my pathetic thread in the Thinking of leaving forum, PLEASE do so. I am actually thinking of moving just so I can get more feedback. I was here a few years ago and it seems like there were way more people on the board back then..
Wow! I have been following along and boy, have you been given alot of words of wisdom to ponder tonight.
Strong & Alive: you say that you have been here for three years, yet your logon states 07, were you here by another name? In any case, your words of wisdom are very enlightening.
DanceQueen: I am very sorry that your marriage ended in divorce but am confident in reading your posts that your new marriage will be spectacular!
If anyone of you wants to jump on over to my pathetic thread in the Thinking of leaving forum, PLEASE do so. I am actually thinking of moving just so I can get more feedback. I was here a few years ago and it seems like there were way more people on the board back then..
Dance and Strong, Thanks again. Reading and thinking has made me realize that I truly do need to focus on me here. No, not on the washing dishes and other stuff to try and manipulate my wife, and not even the stuff on an entitelment basis that has helped make me feel spineless. I need to work on regaining the spark I have lost over the past four years. I am not happy with who I have become and I need to fix that. If that fixes my wife, great, if it doesn't, then I will have some decisions to make. She may be hopeless sexually, especially if she never admits to having an issue. Once I have gotten myself back up to speed, then I suppose it would be time to talk ultimatums. Now, I don't think I would stick to my guns.
NTE - Wow! That's the healthiest things I've heard you say so far.
YOU GET IT!
Good luck, I think you are going to make it. Even if the marriage doesn't survive...you will be happy eventually. I hope your wife gets to receive the benefits of the "new you" when you create him, but if she doesn't, that is ok too. All we can do is do the right thing. :0)
Way to go NTE! I think that you and I had the same epiphany. We cannot sit back and wait for our spouses to make us happy. We need to make ourselves happy. I myself really couldn't give an ultimatum either cause deep down want I really want is to be happily married to my H.
I've been "lurking" since about 3 years ago, eventually registered in last year, but only started actually posting a few weeks ago!
I learned a helluva lot from this BB over that time, and my own life has improved dramatically as a result. Many previous posters went elsewhere - I took that as my cue to start helping newbies and playing forward what I had picked up here previously.
I'd be very happy to help you if I can - why not start a new thread with a post that summarises your current situation?
S&A
"A man can be destroyed but not defeated" - from The Old Man and the Sea, by Ernest Hemingway.
Which I take to mean that every man has within him a spirit of relentlessness and optimism. Its already there; he just has to cultivate it.
Stand to your full height, shoulders back, chest out, breathe in the crisp air deeply, and stride out into the light!
I think it was Bagheera that suggested you could go ahead with moving down to the basement. Do not do so. Things will be getting a lot more interesting in the bedroom in the next few weeks. Stay put. Start letting yourself feel sexual energy and emotions of all kinds percolate through you. Smile. They are a gift that tell you that you are very much alive. Enjoy that bubbling within you, even if it's not leading to sex.
Keep us posted.
S&A
"A man can be destroyed but not defeated" - from The Old Man and the Sea, by Ernest Hemingway.
Which I take to mean that every man has within him a spirit of relentlessness and optimism. Its already there; he just has to cultivate it.
Many thanks to you for sharing the female perspective with this thread. I just re-read your post about seduction - very interesting - I just learned something new and valuable!
You've mentioned you still feel guilty about your previous marriage and ex-husband. Don't. You have learned from your mistakes and he has not.
Your role as a woman in an intimate relationship is to discover, express and celebrate your inner femininity.
His was to be the strongest, best and most loving man he was capable of being. If he was too fearful, or ignorant, or lazy, or complacent, or resentful, to unlock his innate masculine gifts, then that was his fault. Real men do not wait, they do not play the victim in any relationship, and they most certainly do not let women "ruin" their lives and then complain about it to all and sundry.
The woman does not "make the man". And vice versa. We are each of us our own individual. All we can do is set a freestanding example to our partner, and give them the space and fresh air to do the same. The rest is up to them.
You are a very brave and honest woman. I wish you the very best in your current relationship.
S&A
"A man can be destroyed but not defeated" - from The Old Man and the Sea, by Ernest Hemingway.
Which I take to mean that every man has within him a spirit of relentlessness and optimism. Its already there; he just has to cultivate it.
Ok, Here is an update. The wife and kids got back last night from their ten day trip and I picked them up at the airport. I had been going back and forth all day about how to handle my wife. In the mad rush of grabbing luggage, kids etc, I kind of surprised myself. Quick side hug, peck on the cheek and that was it. It felt like seeing my sister! I went to bed when we got home, she did not for another couple of hours. Due to my schedule today I have not seen her at all. I am trying to figure out what this means. This was not really the action/ response I had been thinking of. I have not been able to pull myself together a whole lot lately, and I am still working through figuring out who I want to be. I despise the person I am now, but I need a positive goal not a negative one to really progress.
