WIfe Has left

[ammojmc]

I was able to talk to my W the other night. No R talk just plain how are you doing type stuff. She asked why the kids haven't been online or emailing her and I basically just told her that they have been doing thier own thing and that every morning I encourage them to check their mail. All in all it was a good conversation. Although she was telling me that she is unhappy at the fact that things aren't quite what they were when she was here...just like little stuuf like being able to watch the TV shows she wants, or be able to have a car to go where she needs to and such. I said nothing to these things was just there to listen to them, no blacksliding for me. Will update some more later

[ammojmc]

I guess one of the biggest questions I have is:

What are some of the best things I can do right now to ensure that I can talk to my wife after our separation?

[ammojmc]

Well just trying to figure out where to go from her now that my W has put a limit on how much we will be talking and such. It kind of gets me upset because she only wants to talk to the children and I think she doesn't fully understand that when it comes to the children it has to be a team effort on our part.

Any ideas on how to make the most of our time talking online together?

This is another question right now that I am struggling with I mean we talk but I just want to make sure that all conversations are effective.

[ammojmc]

Well I was able to talk with my W last night and she has been upset that the children have not been emailing her and letting her know how school has been going and such. I told her that I always encourage the children to check and see if they have recieved any messages from her and to reply to them after school when they have more time.

This is frustrating to me because if she wants to know about the children I don't understand why she chooses not to talk to me about them. I have told her that I will tell her anything that she would like to know, but she has never asked.

She also told me that since the children haven't spoken with her in the last week, she decided to log into my D12 yahoo email to see what she has been doing. Come to find out she told me that she had also logged in to mine to see about any emails from the school so she would know what is going on with them.

I have nothing to hide from her, I am not even really concerned that she checked my email. I know that had I checked hers that it would have been a completely different story( although I have no way to do that considering I don't know her password ).

My W has told me that she has considered changing my D12's password for yahoo chat because if she is going to ignore her while she is online then she doesn't need to use it. I asked her not to change it because it would just make things harder for me here. I guess I will just have to wait and see what is going to happen.

After my conversation with my W, I asked my S15 why he hasn't been emailing his mother and if he was going to. I told him I thought it was important for him to let her know what is going on with him and his school and he flat out told me " If she cares so much about what is going on with me then she could have stayed". I wasn't quite sure what to say about that, so I just encouraged him to email her.

I also told her that things are different here now that she is gone and that I didn't want her to worry about the kids and thier school since she was trying to find a job and get setup for herself. I told her that I would deal with it.

She cut the conversation short because she had to go and pick her father up from work so I am not sure if I am going to talk to her again tonight.

I was just looking for advice on where to take this conversation from here.....

[ammojmc]

Okay An update....

Well things are going okay here with just me and my children I have been working extremely hard to get thier grades back up to where they were before my W left. Bumpy road but we are traveling it.

My W talked to me the other night and wanted to know how the kids were doing with school and all. She was relying on them to fill her in with all the details while she has been avioding me. But with the children doing thier own thing she found that she was not getting the info that she wanted.

She attacked the children abit by telling them that they could atleast take five minutes and let her know what is goin on with them. This made my S15 pretty upset and he refuses now to email her. I will encourage him to email her but I will not force him to.

She did although finally ask me what was going on with them and I filled her in on some of the things that have been going on here.

As for me I am GAL. I have come to terms with everything that I need to do around the house to keep all of us on a basic routine I have been comming closer to boith my son and my daughter by going out on the week ends and just doing what ever we feel like at the moment.

The last conersation with my W went reall well we talked about her interview for her new job(which I told her that she was going to do great during) and shared some other things about her family. It was a good talk(no R talk what so ever). She was however throughout the conversation telling me how much she missed the children and our dogs( this was mentioned atleast three times).

I will now wait to see if she decides to share how the interview went and will let everyone know if she tells me.

Today was her interview I will let eveyone know how it turned out as soon as I know.

[ammojmc]

Okay It has been A while since I have posted so I thought that I would bring it upto date.

My W's interview didn't go quite as planned it was not what she expected and not what they told her on the phone. So she instead applied at another place and ended up getting hired at min wage.

She is still trying to be involved with the children as much as possible, by asking them to email her and such. Sh seems to be avioding any type of contact with me other than information passed about the children and finances.

She did however tell me that she recieved her first check and that it was not quite what she was expecting..(31 hours.....193 after taxes)said that she was still waiting to see if she would get the better job on the military base, but might look into applying at a hospital for some kinda of in house training.

I think that maybe some of her realities are setting in and that she is trying to redevelope her plan.

I on the other hand have come to get a handle on my house and the way that I interact with my children. I am loving every minute of it. I have become close with my children and this is something that I have not done in the past...I guess you could say that this is a 180 for me.

Lets see I recieved a list of the bases that I could go to next from here and asked my W her opinion. she told me that it was not for her to decide and she would leave that for the kids and I. This bothered me abit because a statement like that kind of tells me that she has not been thinking of maybe a co parent arrangement, or for that matter where we could be located in relation to her for visitation of the children.

Other than that I am still working on me and GAL, enjoying my children and waiting.

[BeingMe]

Just caught up with your sitch... sounds like your W may be going through a MLC. I must say, I don't blame your kids for not wanting to contact your W. Difficult to understand a mother just upping and leaving them thousands of miles away. Could she not have waited 6 months until the next posting? After all, you all moved to Turkey for her sake!

You sound like you are handling things well. Keep it up!

[ammojmc]

Well been along while since I posted and things have gone from okay to worst. I found out that she has been telling the OM that she loves him for quite awhile. I found some IM messages between them.

Lets see everything was going fine, I had been seeing a counselor continueing to work on me the house was being kept up I am closer than ever with my kids.I found out what base I am going to, got the kids excited about it. Had just been talking to my wife like a friend getting caught up on what is going on with her and her family.

Tried to tell her that I had planned to come see her but I was worried about how the car was going to be shipped and if it was going to get there in time. Told her that I was worried about the kids being out of school for a long time and that depending on the car shipping that we would be going straight to Idaho, and she was more than welcome to come out there. I told her I was also worried about the pressure on the kids from her family and said that Idaho would be a nuetral spot and would make for a good visit with no pressure.

Well then about two days later she pulled 2500 dollars out of our bank account didn't tell me, so I had to call her in the middle of the night and ask her to put the money back and asked her why she took it ....she replied that she felt threaten by my comments about taking the kids staright to Idaho and thought that she needed to go and see a lawyer. I told her that the money was for the bills that we had together and that I would need all the extra money for moving....she then later sent an email and said that she would compromise and put 1500 back and keep a 1000 just in case sshe needed to see a lawyer.

So now I have moved my money and have started protecting myself I feel she will file soon I hope that it is not while I am overseas. I know nothing about the whole divorece process just know it is most likely gonna get ugly from here.

Any advice would be helpful.

[ammojmc]

well just read what I posted and feel free to ask questions my mind isn't quite on track with this stuff yet

[thegoodfight]

Yes you need to protect yourself! I read the sitch, well most anyway! IT does sound like an MLC, how old are the kids, how long had you been married. What was happening that lead up to this sitch?