I read about the lice and if you check my thread you'll see that I dealt with it last year. It's not uncommon but people seem to think it is.
There are quite a few things to do and, NO, you don't have to cut off someones hair! I've found that a combination of the cures works. They recommend not to use the strongest poisons as this creates poison resistant lice so I've been focusing on the oil based solutions.
In the 'States my brother, who lives in abject poverty (and no, not kidding) uses lice shampoo. They disappear over a period of time and yes, it's a bother.
I used an oil based solution on my kids hair (and my wife and oldest daughter (who acted just like your wife)). It usually takes more than one treatment. You have to make sure to do the nit combing with the fine tooth comb and that's what takes time. There are usually pretty good instructions on the box so just do what they say. Important is that you use enough solution to absolutely coat all the hair completely.
It's not a failure for kids to get lice and pass it on. There's just such a stigma. It's not dirty, it just happens...sort of like getting a tick. Lice like people but with good treatment it's really not hard to take care of. It's a big bother but it DOES go away if you follow the instructions completely. My wife's a pharmacist and she says that recurring cases are usually do to not completely following the full instructions and getting the hair completely covered. People are also pretty lax with keeping up the combing after the first treatment. It's work, but it needs done.
I am sure there are some of the stuff in the market that would kill the lice and she wouldn't have to cut her hair. And she could use petroleuom (spelling)...(not a joke)
SIGH!!! You make me nervous with all the validation and support you are giving to her. You make me feel bad and guilty for all the things I have thought of your wife, REALLY!!!
Hi just read up about your head lice. I work with young children and this is a very common problem. No stigma. Lice actually like clean hair and a certain type of hair. The lice jump from head to head as kids often put their head together when playing. The lice lay eggs (nits) close to the hair folicle, they look like dandruff specks except they don't just brush out as they anchor themselves to the hair shaft. A nit comb will remove them. Use a recommended shampoo and comb frequently/ There is absolutely no need to cut the hair. A precautionary measure of keeeping long hair tied back or in plaits when at school can help. Your best bet is to speak to a pharmacist as they will know what shampoo is best at that time. The lice become resistant to them overtime and so shampoo remedies are changed. Behind the ears, nape of the neck and crown of head is the best place to check as lice like the warmer parts of the scalp to lay their eggs. Hope they are gone soon. They are very itchy and unpleasant but nothing to be ashamed of.
RTL, All 3 of my kids had head lice, they picked it up at summer camp. Of course I was horrified, I used the treatment my pediatrician recommended , and they never came back. My H and I used it as well, even though we did not catch them. It is a good idea to wash everything they child has come in contact with in the hottest water possible. Yes it was terrible and I was freaked, but I think your W is over reacting a bit. She does not have to cut her hair,I don't think it would do any good as lice are usually on the scalp or close . It is just weird she called you and not a pediatrician. You are always the first person she turns to when there is a problem with D. Hope she faces this and deals with it before she signs any final papers. I think your response was wonderful and supportive , hopefully she will notice
Rtl, Thank you for your kind words about my sitch. I really tried GAL yesterday and I hope to turn things around. I really do not want to become a WAW, yet I also don't want to be treated badly.One thing I am going to try very hard to do is when I speak to my H, tell him what I want rather than what I don't want. Things were becoming so negative between us that I was only saying negative things and complaining about his behavior. I saw a slight improvement this morning and I hope to work on this today . Like you say, baby steps, maybe I will see results.
NH, Not to get away from the DB discussion, but I just want to ask you, are Asko appliances popular there? I have several and while they work well they are a nightmare to service and the instruction booklets are not at all clear. I find I have to call a service man when it is a simple problem , like a clogged lint trap.Much like my beloved Saab. LOL
I'm trying to remember what we did with head lice, our infestation was years ago. My best recollection is that the pesticidal shampoo wasn't really the key. The nit comb was. It took time, and patience, but I'm pretty sure that was shat really did the trick. I'll see if W remembers anything later, when she is home. Our lice came from (we think) the cute little caps our kids wore going to school in England. All the caps were stored together during the day, so if one kid had them, there was a really good chance a whole bunch of kids had them!
Edit to add: I'm pretty sure we used a conditioner first, to make it easier to use the nit comb on the kids' hair.
I think my W is also over-reacting a bit b/c there is nothing I've found or that you've all said that makes any sense as to her having to cut off her hair. They live and put eggs at the roots, so what good would shortening her length do anyway? I hope they aren't so stubborn as to not continue to look for answers and solutions.
In any event, I have information ready for W if she asks for it, but otherwise I'm working very, very hard at simply hearing her and listening w/out offering help, advice, or solutions. I'd love to try and convince her not to cut her hair and to talk w/ a doctor, or even go to the ER, first, but if I do, then I'll be "controlling" and I simply can't do that anymore. I never thought I was trying to control her, as I always was trying to be helpful. However, she's viewed it as controlling, so I'm no longer able to give out unsolicited advice. So, now, I wait...
I did send her a text this morning to see how she and D were doing b/c I think that is what a friend would do in this case. She replied back that her head hurt and I simply said "I'm very saddened to hear that. Do your best today and rest tonight. Congratulate (her neice) for me." She gave a simple reply, but I think I did the right thing by focusing on how to show her I was listening and that I understood how she was feeling. That is my challenge w/ W -- listen and affirm. NO statements about what "I think" but only that "I understand" or "I can see." It is difficult, but I think I'm finding ways to get better and better at it.
It sounds as if you are moving in the right direction. It is all about baby steps and not trying to do too much too quickly. We all have to be able to inch forward instead of sprint. This is the only way we'll ever get anywhere close to where we want to be.
Stopping the negativity and focusing on what YOU want to do are EXCELLENT ways to go. Keep it up and let me know how they progress. What is your thread called? I'd like to find it and follow to see if these new baby steps are working for you.
Petroleum? Really??? Sounds interesting, but I'll keep that one tucked away. If W uses it, it will be a darn good thing no one in her family smokes...
As for feeling guilty, DON'T! The number of times I've thought about having her permanently gone are uncountable at this point. I do fight the urge to rant and rave at her, but ultimately if I get angry w/ her, I'm only dropping to her level. That is lower than I deserve to go. I'm better than that, so I'll continue to take the high road, continue to leave the door open a crack, and continue to be willing to forgive if she's willing to work w/ me as my partner again.
However, you aren't the only one of my friends, both cyber and live, who would like to see her get what is coming to her. Believe me, the number of members in the "I hate RTL's W Club" keep growing and growing.
