I can only hope she'll spend some time w/ her best friend from home while she's there. I'm not sure, but I think they'll be together at least once. Hopefully it will be a successful time for her and her friend will challenge her a bit. It is wishful thinking, but I'll keep the hope up as hope is all I've got right now.
The majority of her time will be spent w/ family who are firmly in her corner, so I'm not sure if any one of them will challenge her on anything. They are all pretty passive-agressive and avoid open conflict like the plague.
I've been working on a small list of things I want to do for myself and the time they are gone will be a good time for me to get some of this done. I'll keep in contact daily w/ my D and answer the questions W poses, but otherwise, my time will be filled w/ my finishing up finals and doing things for me. The biggest thing I need to do is continue to work on my golf game. That has lapsed severely.
The focus is still on me and my D and I can only pray that stupid parachute will be cut away to eliminate this drag on this entire process.
Hang in there as well, my friend. We are going to get through this one way or another and come out better for our efforts.
D sent me a text at 7:30 yesterday and I replied to her and she immediately called me to say hello. We talked for a few minutes and I told her to have a good flight.
Once they landed in Indianapolis, W sent a text to tell me they arrived safely and I replied telling D I loved her and to have fun at Grandma's house. When it was 7 pm in Indiana, I called to talk to D, but W didn't answer, so I left a message. W didn't call back, so I didn't get to tell my D goodnight.
I fell asleep before 10 pm and when I woke up, W had sent two texts during the night. The 1st one said:
Quote:
"D told me that she has 2 surprises taht I will see when she comes home from Tahoe. She said they are a secret. Explain this to me."
The 2nd one came about 15 minutes later and said:
Quote:
"I thought you agreed no more secrets. Explain what is going on."
I sent her a reply this morning that was brief and addressed her concerns. I told her I haven't told D to keep secrets and the only things I can think of was my dad was coming back w/ us and we were planning on repainting the interior of the house to ready it for sale. However, none of these were secrets of any sort, so I'm not sure what she's referring to.
W replied to my e-mail this morning:
Quote:
"She told me that you were getting her toes done and her ears pierced."
My reply was again simple and to the point:
Quote:
"This is news to me. The toes wouldn't be an issue, but the ears would NEVER be done w/out your approval. Besides, I think she's too young for ear piercings. This didn't come from me."
I haven't heard any reply from W and probably won't but there isn't much here. There is ZERO way I'd get her ears pierced w/out consulting W first. Also, I don't want her ears pierced at the age of 5. This is completely coming from the wishes of a 5-year-old who has some daycare friends w/ pierced ears.
Regardless of what W thinks, this didn't come from me. She won't believe me, but I'll again keep it as evidence to show the parenting evaluator how W is using the words of a 5-year-old as gospel truth and testimony.
W is hurting her own case here and she's mistakenly placing adult characteristics and reasoning into the actions and deeds of our D5. That isn't healthy for D and I can only pray the courts will see this.
If the courts cant see through all this confrontational and antagonistic behavior of your W, then someone is paying them off.
Your L must really enjoy watching your W hang herself.
As for you, the amount you have learned and grown from this is priceless. The listening to women and not trying to solve their problem, but instead validate their feelings, is a big one. Us guys tend to want to fix things, when what the woman wants is not necessarily advice, but instead understanding.
The part of just affirming and listening has been the toughest thing for me to grasp. I'm still not good at it, but I'm trying to focus on my relationship w/ W and other women to show them I can listen and not try to talk over them to help them find a solution.
You are spot on. Women don't want us to fix, they want us to shut up, listen, understand what they are saying, and realize how difficult the situation is for them. That, along w/ patience, have been the two main things I've identified as items I am supposed to learn from this entire ordeal.
RTL, I need to get out to the range as well. I have not picked up the sticks in about a year. It is liberating to a degree, being able to do some stuff for ourselves but I am sure that you would rather be spending that time w/ your D. To me there is not a better way to spend a day.
Keep focusing on you, it may take a while. At least in your case, your STBX has a lawyer that will get her paperwork so it should go as fast as the system will let you. As for me, my STBX thinks she can represent herself and it has just slowed the process to a crawl. But it will all be done one day...
Me=29 WAW=25 S=2 "I need a break" = 6/07 Filed = 12/07
Golfing is something I've missed, and oddly enough it is also something my W is accusing me of doing WAAAAAAY too much of during our M. If that were true, I'd be a much, much better golfer than I currently am. Again, more ways the truth was stretched to fit W's story to allow her to justify leaving our M.
I'm glad W has a L as well as it will eventually end for both of us. I'm sorry your W is acting as her own L b/c not only will that slow things down for you, but she'll also get screwed in the process. I'm sorry about that b/c it means that her bitterness will continue well after your D is final, I'm afraid.
As for my story, W did reply via e-mail yesterday backing off of her accusations of my telling D I'd get her ears pierced. I sent her a reply today which addressed this concern as well as asked her if she had received the realtor and repair info for the house. I also told her of my father's not being able to come home w/ us after our trip to Tahoe b/c he is suffering from severe carpal tunnel in both hands as well as a painful right knee and he'll be having surgery to fix these items instead of coming w/ us.
I'm wondering when or if she'll reply and I'll keep you all in the loop when I know anything.
RTL, I was thinking about your W's reaction to the ear piercing debacle. You know, eventually sfter the D is final she is going to have to realize that you will do waht you want and think is right when you have D and she will do what she thinks is right. Of course it is absurd to think that a Dad would get a 5 year olds ears pierced but your W better start facing what D really is and realize she will have no right to say anything about what you do afterwards. It seems wierdly like this is all more about doing all this to punish you for something than Divorcing you.
RTl. Your comments about Golf made me think about my own situation . I wonder if my H would say the same thing about his time spent on the computer. Only with him it is all he does with any free time and we basically have no life together. Probably he sees it differenty. Things had been better and are now bad and I have been really thinking about becoming a WAW. I don't really think he would care either way. But maybe I see it wrong and he doesn't realize what this addiction has done to our lives and thinks I am just a nag and crazy.
