The best time of my life 2

[Treese]

YR;

When my H dropped the bomb on me last June I said to him that I didn't understand because we had such a great sex life...at least I thought we did...and he repsonded that it was becoming a chore...( I don't remember him not being involved or enjoying it).I was crushed....I couldnt believe those words were coming out of his mouth....then my self esteem went down hill from there...

Don't know why I'm so down last night and today....probably felt the most alone since all this started...D15 was gone...s10 was doing his own thing and talking on the phone....I was lost..

I am reading the book "The Shack"....so far is a good book...

And YR....did your H say on those nights he didn't call you that he at least thought about you....do they not call to prove a point??

you have been so good at answering all my questions so I thank you from the bottom of what's left of my heart.....

[yellowrose]

Treese

Remember you can't always believe what they say. They might mean it at the time but alot of it is MLC talking. My self esteem went into the toilet too. My H and I were always close and for him to do what he did just devistated me and the whole family. My H was one of those that you would never think would do that.

IMO, I think they don't call because they need time and space to process what it going on with them. Yes, my H finally admitted that he thought about me and the kids all the time.

Y

[Treese]

YR;

Yes, My H was the same way....everyone thought he adored me as much as I adored him...this was the last thing I would have ever expected and my whole family is torn apart.....H's mom and my mom are best friends and they work together...it has put a strain on that and his sister is my best friend....it didn't just affect my immediate family but everyone....and he says he hopes we can be friends some day...the OW must really have him where she wants him...I hope she's worth it....my scare is he will just grow deeper in love with her but I don't really think it's love....she is not a jealous person at all and neither is he..they are both very laid back..if I found another man he wouldnt even care...Of course, I don't want another man but......

I really do miss my best friend and our talks and just sitting around....it was comfort....now I'm nervous all the time....

When does it get better??

Treese

[yellowrose]

Treese

What you have posted sound so much like my sitch! My H told me to find someone else and he wished that we could be friends! The thing is that the A is fresh and new right now. The "honeymoon" period will wear off as he goes through this. They think they are the happiest they have ever been. NOT!!!!!!

Don't fret, Tresse, it will get better. I keep you in my prayers.

Y

[Truelove]

Hi YR,
Thanks for your reply on my thread and your encouragement. I also use the stages as a guideline. They always give me hope and seem to calm me down.

Have a lovely week-end. Take care.

[Treese]

Thanks YR;

I just keep praying....and yes my H looks happy and he said he deserved to be happy...also needed to be "True" to himself, as he shrugged his shoulders at me saying, "i'm not trying to hurt you"...just what goes through that little brain of theirs...
They truly aren't thinking of their family....they are only thinking of being free and on their own...H said he just doesn't want to be married anymore...well, glad he let me know...I'll just rearrange my life so he can have his happiness....WOW...never in my wildest nightmare did I think I would be going through this.....

What is bad is I want him to feel some of this pain I'm feeling.
I know I shouldn't want revenge but......the smile and smirk on his face is irritating me...I know it's probably all a front but I want him to hit bottom...

And the MLC steps...I can't even follow them because my H doesn't even seem to fit any of it except the A....so I quit trying to put him in one of those catagories cause it will drive you crazy....wait....I think I'm already crazy....at least that is what H said....He told me I was acting crazy....gee...do you think an affair, a child...another affair would tend to make someone crazy....aaaaaaa naaaahhhhhhhhh.....this is all my fault remember...geeezzzz.....

By the way, How is your piecing going??? You seem to be very happy....I wish you all the best...and many more years together..

My friends look at me and ask how I don't just blow up in his face...I said, why, what is that going to do...although sometimes I really want to but I'm trying to not let things get to me...sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, just depends on the day...

take care...Treese

[yellowrose]

Treese

As for the piecing, I think we have pretty much put all the pieces back together! It is wonderful.

Boy oh boy did I want revenge too. All it does is make things worse. I used to sit and think about it though! LOL

During this time in their lives, they think they want to be free and that they are happier than they had been with us. Don't forget you have history with your H in your sitch. He will start missing the things you did together and the memories will start coming through the fog in his brain.

When my H used to come over smiling and acting happy, I started doing the same. He started acting different after a while.

Do things for you right now and try to "wash that man right outta your hair"!

Y

[Treese]

YR;

LOL!!! I wish is was as easy as washing him out of my hair...this week has been the first week where we rarely saw him or that he called the kids....funny but it doesn't seem to bother him...30 years is a long time....I still think about him every day, does he think about me every day...I really don't think he can't...everything around us has something to do with the other....you can't run from it...at least I can't..

I did see him tonight at my son's band concert and I was talking to a friend and he came up and started talking like it was nothing...I did not go to him...we didn't even sit together. He was on the other side of the room...I have to admit that I looked out of the corner of my eye to see if he was looking my way but NOPE!! of course...
It's also weird how really done he is with me....like its over and he is just happy go lucky H....He was standing up against the wall at one point and I looked over and saw him rubbing his face like he was extremely tired....well...I guess living 3 lives will take it's toll on you....

Then we went in to the cafeteria where there was an art show and I was showing him something and he got close enough that I could smell him....OMG...need I say more.....i just backed up a little..didn't want him to think I was going to touch him...

I was friendly but not overly....he walked my son and I to the car and carried sons drum....then had to walk to his car...I offered to drive him but he said he wanted to walk, so I drove away...that's the part that kills me....

How do you separate the emotional part....I do miss him terribly, but I dont' want him to know that.....

Treese

[yellowrose]

Treese

It all takes time. You will get there. I missed my H everyday he was gone. I just kept myself so busy so my brain could take a break. I know I thought about him before I fell asleep every night and the first thing in the morning he was in my thoughts too. I was so proud of myself when the crying started to taper off and I wasn't cry every single day. I was making headway.
You will get there too.

He is putting on a good front on in front of you. My H used to do that too. I found out that things weren't a bucket of roses at the ow's as he lead me to believe. So I sat back and waited for the A to crumble. It did but it took almost 2 years.

Keep yourself busy and GAL. You will see yourself changing too. Work on yourself, it will get better!

Y

[happynow]

YR,
You give such great advice & your H sounds a lot like my H. When he first told me he wanted D, he said he wasn't in love with me anymore, said he still care about me but I tried to mold him into something he wasn't & that he had to find himself. He said there was no OW, of course I believed him at the time but suspected it. The reason I didn't believe was b/c she was in other state & he was coming home at night. He also said he wanted us to be friends but that was before I found out about her & also before I went after the house & alimony. During all the legal stuff is when he got really mad at me. He even threatened to go after one of the dogs, he knew that would get me. He was very angry at me after all of this & I guess that is what scares me, will he get over that? He is very self centered but seemed to love me so much. He has hurt me & my family & friends so bad. We were the couple most likely to succeed & everyone is so shocked over all of this, we were the last couple that anyone thought this would happen to.

I'm so afraid since he moved to another state that he might not come back. We were so perfect for each other & he adored me as much as I adored him. We were so close & had so many memories together. He was actually insecure & would call me many times during the day to say he loved me & he would always say "you don't love me as much as I love you", I would stay on the phone for 30 minutes or more with him doing that. Of course last summer he didn't do that.

I just don't understand the hold this OW has on him. He once had moral values. I knew he wanted me to move in with him when we first started dating but I wouldn't & he respected me for that & now he is living with this slut!

I'm scared! I know we are divorced now but I still can't give up on him. I miss him so bad!!

I'm so glad things are going well with you & your sitch.
Thanks for your advice.