Maybe you should copy and send the above guidelines to your W. She is obviously messing with your little one. And I don't even think she does it to hurt you, she just does it because she has lost her mind. Otherwise she would know the only thing she achieves is to hurt your D.
Thank you for that excellent list. Where did you get it? I'm hoping that if we can get custody settled soon, then I'll have time to stop W's brainwashing of D. I think I agree w/ Kalni as I'm not sure if she's doing this consciously or not, but regardless, it is negative and is hurting my relationship w/ my D.
I get to go and pick D up this afternoon and then I'll have her until Saturday at 4. I'll get her again Monday afternoon until Tuesday at 6:30 adn then she'll be gone until the 22nd w/ W.
W did reply to my e-mail where I said it was unfortunate that I won't be able to spend more time w/ D next week. Her reply was:
Quote:
My list of what is unfortunate about all of this is long. It begins with -- it is unfortunate it was so difficult for you to be nice to me...
As usual, I haven't replied to this, although I am tempted to say something like "if this is truly how you felt then it is indeed very unfortunate." I don't know. It is probably best to say nothing.
Oh, well. I've got to close up and get my D. I'm excited to see her.
As usual, I haven't replied to this, although I am tempted to say something like "if this is truly how you felt then it is indeed very unfortunate." I don't know. It is probably best to say nothing.
RTL, don't reply to her... Just keep doing what you've been doing. K
Did you ever read that "What a difference a daddy makes" book? I had only read about half and put it aside to read some other R books. I am now back to reading it at the YMCA in the Jacuzzi. Parts of it bring tears to my eyes.
Thanks for the link. It is excellent. As for the book, I did the same as you -- started it and then put it down to read DB stuff. I need to pick it back up and will look to do so as soon as I can.
There isn't much to report today. I sent an e-mail to W about scheduling a doctor's appointment for D after we returned from Tahoe on the 27th and told her the D's knees were bothering her last night which made it tough to get her to fall asleep. I also mentioned sending her information on realtors and repairing the house before she leaves for Indiana so she can think them over. Finally, I asked her to have D when I get back from Tahoe since my father will be in town w/ me. I'm hoping she'll let my dad have some time w/ his granddaughter and not hoard her away from me.
As always, I'll keep everyone in the loop. I'm off now to pick up my little girl and see how she wants to spend Friday w/ Daddy. Tomorrow we'll get up, go to breakfast, then I'll let her pick out a Mother's Day gift for W. I won't be the one choosing, as it will completely come from D and D alone. However, I'll pay for it b/c D really wants to get her mother something nice for Sunday.
We did have fun. I picked her up and we went to see our varsity baseball team in the semi-finals. I spent most of my time playing w/ D on the grass or out in the bleacher sections, but she was happy and I still got to see the game and root on my kids. The team won in the 9th, but D had told me it was time to go in the top of the 8th, so I didn't get to see the comeback. Oh, well. The most important thing was paying attention to D and we were enjoying goofing w/ each other.
Tomorrow we'll do breakfast, buy the gift, and then probably swim before I take her to W. We'll again have a good time together and then I get her again on Monday, so I won't be away from her for too long.
I forgot to tell you all about my conversation w/ a divorced man who was picking up his D at a McDonald's yesterday. While my D and his D were playing, we chatted. His W had told tales about him as well (said he was physically abusive) and I told him my tale. He said as long as I take the high road and keep my cool (which I'm trying to do) I'll get what I'm asking for. He was a trial L himself, so he said it sounded like my W was the one who was out of control and that will come back to bite her. He also said her moving away will work against her too, so I'm hopeful things will someday shake down in my favor.
I told him about my deposing W to get her to explain the inconsistencies of her stories and to get her to admit to the truth on the record rather than the lies she's spinning. I told him I'm not concerned about the cost, but instead wanting to put down an accurate account so my D can know the truth in the future, if she ever wanted to know.
However, I have to say I'm torn by the desposition. I want to dispute the charges and feel I really have no choice, but at the same time, I still love my W. I know it is crazy, but I do love her still. My chief concern is the deposition is helping me w/ my legal battles to have equal time w/ my D, but at the same time it is most likely going to crush any small hope I had of resurrecting my family again.
I know. I know. The focus is on my D and what is best for her. That is why I'm fighting - for her. However, I'm still torn up and saddened by it all. I really am.
I wish I didn't love my wife. It would be easier to hate her right now. The problem is I don't hate her and I can't bring myself to hate her. I still think fondly of her despite what she's done and is doing to me.
Maybe I'm a sucker or a doormat. I don't know. I'll keep fighting for my D and I'll keep reminding myself that the right thing to do isn't always the easy thing to do. I won't cave or give in. I can't. I wouldn't be able to look at my D if I did.
But it still hurts to be in love w/ my W. This is why I'm sad and torn up inside.
I've been reading, but wasnt sure what to say to you lately, its all so depressing isnt it? Your W is totally out of order for telling a 4 year old she is leaving Daddy because she is scared of him. Seriusly, what is wrong with your W? Dont tell your D that ! Make something up, lie! Talk to her when shes older and you have a better perspective and shes old enough to understand! And...for her to have the audicity to text you saying D was pretty cut up about it in the evening... well its your own stupid fault for putting the idea and fears into her head !???
You said I wish I didn't love my wife. It would be easier to hate her right now. ... well, thats surely the same for alot of us. It would be so much easier to wake up and no longer care. It amazes me how much my love has endured, despite the continuous wall of "no regret" and a separation of 6 months. I guess thats commitment for you.
I hope you have a great weekend with your D.
Its a tricky one, this balancing the deposition and fighting for your D with not antagonising your W and DBing. I guess she has forced you to take this action? Could you try talking to her one last time, as resonable adults !?? Instead of all this texting and expensive lawyer action? Could you ask to see her in a neutral place of her choosing for a chat? Offer she can have a friend, or her mother there for moral support if she feels vunerable around you? Make it super easy for her and hard for her to say no? Say its in teh interests of your D and building a harmonious R to be able to discuss issues relating to your D?
Your W is behaving in ways that surely arent healthy for her D. Keep on keeping on, you have been through such a tough time, Ali x
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
RTL, I know I mentioned before that over 20 years ago my H and I were separated for over a year. We went through courts and lawyers and got back together the night before the trail. We had 3 little girls and a raging custody battle. We did terrible things to each other in court, and yes , we both had to give depositions.Believe it or not, we both still loved each other through all the terrible things we did. Actually we were about your age. I even refused to sell the house and my H was having it forclosed on, when he came back he reclaimed it. It was a last min save. From that experience, I truly believe that if there is real love between you, it will triumph no matter what. If not, you have lost nothing. Have the deposition, it is legally important, yes you will both be angry when you read it and your W will probably lie under oath. Just know , if you love each other, no court or leagal action will tear you apart.
