MM this is wonderful news and an inspiration that DB'ing really does work.
I'm so happy for you both.
corey
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
She told me this morning that part of her returning was due to her seeing that I could make it on my own, and knowing that she could as well.
She said every time she came over, she noticed that the condo was clean and dusted, the bed was made, the laundry was done and put away, there was fresh food in the fridge and wine in the rack.
She said she felt a different kind of respect for me...in the past she had done all that stuff, and she felt that I "hadn't stepped up". See? They notice every little thing, and it all means something.
By the way, things are still going really well. She is saying ILY all the time, I often catch her looking at me in "that way", and we are really feeling very calm and happy with having each other around again. We talk about the sitch somewhat, but don't beat it to death.
She told me this morning that part of her returning was due to her seeing that I could make it on my own, and knowing that she could as well.
She said every time she came over, she noticed that the condo was clean and dusted, the bed was made, the laundry was done and put away, there was fresh food in the fridge and wine in the rack.
She said she felt a different kind of respect for me...in the past she had done all that stuff, and she felt that I "hadn't stepped up". See? They notice every little thing, and it all means something.
Man, this thread is like a DB clinic! Great job.
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
What a man, husband, DBer, father, lover and best friend you are.
Congratulations on giving your wife space, maintaining your integrity, enthusiasm and renewed sense of self for the ultimate GAL.. your marriage renewed.
Wowwwwww...... I am so happy for you!!!! Thank you for not disappearing at this moment... being able to see your observations at this stage is SO INSPIRING.... especially the part about part of her coming back b/c she could see you could be OK by yourself!!!!
The hard part of this is being conscious of not moving too quickly.
I have to constantly remind myself to NOT do things that stink of dependency or weakness.
I am just SO happy that we have each other back again, that I want to smother her with attention. That would be a bad move.
For instance, this morning she was prettying up after her shower. I wanted to go in and sit with her, talk to her, stuff like that. I know eventually I will be able to do that and it will be natural...but for now I am being very casual about it. I just gave her a little pat on her bare butt and a kiss on the cheek, and went into the music room to play my guitar. Giving her space in her own house.
She is in school today, so I wanted to ask her when she'll be home. Instead, I told her I was going to pick up some sushi for tonight's dinner...what time should I order it for? "Oh, great idea, how about 6:30?", she said. Finding out when she'll be home without sounding needy.
On the other hand, she is putting deposits in the emotional bank account as well. She got up at 2:00am to go to the bathroom, and when she came back to bed, she started rubbing my back. This morning I commented and told her how nice that was. She said she is just so happy to have me in her space, that she wanted to just reach over and touch me.
Last night, we sat on the couch talking, sharing a bottle of wine and dipping crusty bread in olive oil & balsamic vinegar. Completely out of the blue, she looked over and said "I love you so much. Thank you for putting up with me." I told her, on the contrary, I would look back on this time in a positive way. Look where it got us! She said she agreed.
So, I think this is going really well. I am waiting for the roller coaster to crest the hill, but so far I just don't see it....we are awesome together, just like I thought we would be.
Me: 54 Her: 50 and sexy as hell M: 32yrs T: 34yrs Bomb: Sept 26-07 "lost our emotional connection" Bomb 2: Dec 25-07 she's "not feeling desire" She asked if she could come home Apr 26-08! Everything's GREAT!
Hey MM, I took a break, but kind of kept watch. I'm really happy for you, and your W.
How was the DB counselor? Did he/she help?
Keep on keeping on.
Hey, LN! Great to see you!
The DB counselor was very good, I highly recommend it. I still have one session in the bank, I'm saving it for either fine-tuning my end of the reconciliation, or dealing with a crisis if it comes up.
