Because you really don't want to. Jeff gave me a great advice today "make sure your heart and brains are on the same page". I think it fits you too. FG said the same, ignore your instints when they are driven by anger, fear, etc.
Talk to her about the incident if you feel like it and maybe make her realise she has be extra extra cautious if she doesn't want things like that to happen and hurt the kids.
Woog, How did your W introduce the new guy to your son? Did he see anything? Who brought this to your attention? What kills me is how our WASs don't seem to care about hurting the kids. How can they just go on with their lives as if everything is fine? Hang in there buddy.
K gave you great advice.. as long as you are making the decision to file because you are ready.. and not being motivated by anger or fear.. then all I can say is you know what's in your best interest. (and as BBJ said it's not in stone once you file as we've seen from 11th hour busts and even our very own Kerry)
Was your son the one that told you? If so, I imagine he struggled with the information.. and felt uncomfortable telling you.. but at the same time he felt safe coming to you. You are your children's safe haven right now!
She told me. But, since then I heard it from two other people. My son will end up telling me.
She and I had a very long conversation about this and she promised that it wouldn't happen.
She introduced him as her boyfriend apparently.
My son was with my bestfriend's wife. Her daughter was in a class with my son and she was taking him home. They stopped at Starbucks and ran into my wife and "lover boy".
I am ticked off just reading your story. I can't imagine how you must be feeling. Can I ask a couple of questions; why would you want to file now? take me through your thought process. Are you angry right now. I am just trying to get a feeling of what is going through your mind, how you really feel right now.
Because I am done. Yes I am a bit angry. Yes I am hurt. More importantly I am disgusted with her right now. I don't think I can ever forget how she is acting. Tonight she is going out with a friend of hers that only recently stopped smoking pot. A woman that continually bad mouths her exhusband and hits on guys at bars in town. Because my wife is making bad choices that I will never forget.
I know I can forgive her, but I won't forget. I know myself well enough to know I can't forget about the other guys. I am pretty sure I could never take her back. Not now. And I only think it is going to get worse.
Woog, this sucks so bad that your S was exposed to this. I can probably guess that he will talk to his brother and sister about it. I also have a pretty good idea where your emotions are right now - anger. Totally justified anger. Give yourself a bit of cooling off time before going to the L, however, I suspect that even with time, your W has crossed the moral line in your mind and you probably will decide to file a D.
You do now seem to have pretty good evidence of adultery. Idaho allows one to file with various grounds for divorce reasons (fault) as opposed to just the irreconsilable differences (no fault) that Oregon has. Alimony is decided upon various factors and the fault plays a part. Also, I believe that Idaho has only a 20 day waiting period. Your W may discover that inappropriate actions have a consequence.
The decision and control is now in your hands - be true to what you want. Dont make any rash decisions that you may later regret.
nobody "forgets". And I am not sure it would be wise to forget. I have been thinking the same thing again today. But, forgive is another story. And if you could forgive her that's all it would take to "fix" things when the time comes.
Lies, indifference, selfishness, ego, are common with all our spouses. Except in some stories where some people were "nut cases", perfectly normal spouses turned into alliens. Your W is not different. You read around here, you have read stories, unfortunately your wife is no different. That's what bothered me the most, the fine exemplar of a H proved to be a common weak man. Same with you. It's a big blow. But we are common, weak spouses as well. We are now barely becoming better people through patience, committement to our Ms, and hopefully when we will learn how to forgive them when they will ask for it.
You can't forgive her now, you can't undestand her, don't try. Being mad and hurt is all you can feel. Just accept it and do your own thing. Say, "this is how it is going to be for now. I should not expect her to be the person I thought she was, I should expect her to be the "worst person" she can be". Your life and your morals and your attitude towards life and family are not characterised by her and "you stand tall". You are not a couple anymore, you are not "one". Leave your heart open for a while longer, there is a big turn coming up for you soon, wait to see what it will bring. K
