MM, I am another one who has been following your thread but never posted to it. I want to congratulate you on your R. Remember what you have learned during this trying time to never allow yourself to get back into it ever again. Good luck. You give us all hope.
MM, I posted on your other thread earlier, I'm very happy for you. I think jumping all over her coming home is a good thing to do. Then chill out and let it all happen slow. Don't let either of you get sucked into the "this is all so wonderful!" stage. Live it, embrace it AND both plan for and realize the downs that are going to happen.
But GO MINK and MRS MINK!
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
Mink, the problem with your sitch is that the highs and lows are so sudden and so quick. One day she's through and wants a divorce and the next she wants to try again!.....
Many people on this BB have said that one of their regrets is that they took the WAS back way to quickly because they were so relieved. Take it slow, think things through and make good choices for Minkerman. Don't let her run this show. Again, these are just my thoughts off the top of my head. I'm sure others will chime in as well. I'll be thinkin' of ya today!
Mink, I don't want to rain on your parade, but I'm hoping her feelings don't sway the other way so quickly. We're all happy for you that she's moving back, but try to take things slowly.
This is definitely great inspiration for all of us here.
I take all of your advice seriously, and I am aware of everything you have mentioned. Thank you!
As I sit here, I am just finishing my first cup of coffee, and Mrs. Mink is in the shower. We had a fun but emotionally draining day yesterday, moving all of her stuff back home.
We have had some serious talks, and some not-so-serious talks, covering off everything mentioned above. She realizes she has been all over the map lately, and she knows that she will have good days and bad days. But she promised me that she is committed to working on our marriage with me. I see it in her eyes, that she is speaking from her heart.
It felt so good this morning, to wake up and watch her sleeping beside me, knowing that she was home.
But we are both taking it slow and letting it happen naturally.....
Thanks Treeman. I will keep posting here, then if things are looking good, move over to piecing.
I hope that what I post here, good and bad, helps someone in their journey. It certainly has BEEN a journey for both of us - I have changed and grown quite a bit over the past few months, and so has my wife.
It's interesting how in the DR book, Michele says one of 3 things will happen when you DB consistently. 1. Nothing changes, her mind is made up and she is moving on. 2. She starts to slowly show signs of coming around. 3. She has an immediate change of heart.
My wife told me it was Number 3.
Bringing our boat to the broker's to be sold, on a gorgeous warm sunny day, brought back a flood of emotions for her. We had so many good times with our kids on the water, and later on, just the two of us.
Then, at the end of the day when she went home, she opened up a new magazine, and it was a 2-page spread with vineyards and ocean pictures. Before we split, we had talked a lot about the next phase of our life now that the kids had moved out, and wine touring and vacationing by the sea were on the "must-do" list.
She said she stared at the pictures, and suddenly said to herself, "What am I doing?" It was a defining moment for her, and her thoughts shifted, and she started to see the whole situation in a different light.
A couple hours later, she called me and asked if she could come home.
That's it, in a nutshell. We know it's not going to be perfect, and we expect a few bumps along the way. But she says the feelings are coming back, she has told me she loves me at least 10 times in the past 24 hours, she is full of hugs and touches, and she is nervous as hell!
I'm confident and happy that we can make this happen, and as we drove to work together, she said the key will be not to try too hard, and not to do too much all at once.
So there you have it!
Me: 54 Her: 50 and sexy as hell M: 32yrs T: 34yrs Bomb: Sept 26-07 "lost our emotional connection" Bomb 2: Dec 25-07 she's "not feeling desire" She asked if she could come home Apr 26-08! Everything's GREAT!
Terrific news! I am really thrilled that your day went as it did yesterday. Thanks also for sharing some insight about her experience and how this came about. I know that for so many of us, we are curious as to the WAS thoughts, way of seeing things and in those cases where they do come back, how it occured.
I can only imagine how content you must have felt/feel!
Yay for Minkerman!! (Yes, yes, go slow, but that's been well flagged and you've got your eyeballs open)
Terrific news! I am really thrilled that your day went as it did yesterday. Thanks also for sharing some insight about her experience and how this came about. I know that for so many of us, we are curious as to the WAS thoughts, way of seeing things and in those cases where they do come back, how it occured.
I can only imagine how content you must have felt/feel!
Yay for Minkerman!! (Yes, yes, go slow, but that's been well flagged and you've got your eyeballs open)
Bringing our boat to the broker's to be sold, on a gorgeous warm sunny day, brought back a flood of emotions for her. We had so many good times with our kids on the water, and later on, just the two of us.
Then, at the end of the day when she went home, she opened up a new magazine, and it was a 2-page spread with vineyards and ocean pictures. Before we split, we had talked a lot about the next phase of our life now that the kids had moved out, and wine touring and vacationing by the sea were on the "must-do" list.
She said she stared at the pictures, and suddenly said to herself, "What am I doing?" It was a defining moment for her, and her thoughts shifted, and she started to see the whole situation in a different light.
My W had a similar moment like this. Back in January, she was packing up the Christmas ornaments and really reflected on what she would be losing. She couldn't imagine needing to go through all of the ornaments with many of them having a special significance and trying to divide them. She invited me out to dinner that night and that was the beginning of things getting really good. Things were really great for a couple of months, but then she starting slipping back to uncertainty. So I won't caution you again, but I will say that this good turn in your situation does give me hope for how things can work out for the better.
