It seems like years since I've been here - no wait it has! But it's always good to come back, say hi to old friends and remind yourself where you came from.
It's been over five years since "the bomb". Life is so different I can't begin to tell you. BUT there is still work to be done!
On the surface I am one strong lady. I moved 3,000 miles away, entered a new relationship, went back to college, gave my career the kick in the butt it needed and have finally begun to accept my faults and weaknesses.
Underneath all that is a lady who is easily hurt and needs constant reasurrance. A lady who at times pushes her new man away and has no idea why! A lady who everyday has thoughts of her X and can't make herself stop!
People always ask how long it will take to get over the D. The general rule that use to be quoted was one month for every year of your marriage. That would mean 25 months for me. It's been double that and I know I'm not done healing yet. Here's hoping someday I will!
I have a good life here in California with Rob47 but the struggle continues....
Love to you all Flower
"It's not what happens to you, it's what you make of it." Zig Ziglar
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Hey Ms GIGI!!!!!!
It's been a while huh? First off, tell the big guy that I said HI and give him a HUGE hug for me!
I hope the kids are doing well and I hope your happy in your career.
Yes healing is a biatch. I guess it takes as long as it takes. There again, it's not like you were married for 5 years. Longterm marriages are a different kind of monster to heal from. According to my girlfriend the sting never completely goes away but that doesn't mean your life can't go on and be happy, but you do know this.
I still post. Not because I'm still not over my ex but because I like the people here.
I am OVER mine. Don't miss him or the life we shared. But I can honestly say that I'm still angry with him for what he did to us. How he continues to behave towards the children.
One comment for what its worth and whenever I say it I take lashes, but I think that moving so quickly into a new R can extend your recovery time. At first you are so involved in the new R that you don't work on the healing. But truth is - it has to happen sometime. Sooner is better than later, but later is better than never. Periodically I go to the C for a "How'm I doing? chat". Never a bad idea when there is still residual stuff. A new R just puts a bandaid on your negative feelings but doesn't take them away.
I am wishing both you and Rob continued happiness. But all Rs take work. Give it what it deserves.
You are one of the fortunate ones. Even when the love is gone, there is still the disbelief at being so easily discarded and rejected by the most important person in your life. I think the trauma of that will always be with us to some degree.
Two of the kids are fine. (middle son is still a wondering soul)In fact we are now grandparents! My D and her husband had a little girl last summer!
Yes Barb I agree that having started our new relationship so early has lengthened our recovery. We have both come to this conclusion on our own and recently shared with each other.
We're trying to give each other the space we need to work on our own issues while still being here for each other as well. It's an interesting line to walk!
I have the same thoughts about my X. I'm still mad as hell about the way he handled things and continues to handle our children and grandchild. Kids however figure these things out on their own. Two of the kids have nothing to do with him. Don't even speak. The third is still trying to play both sides and it's tearing his own life apart. I worry for him but find myself unable to help him. At least he finally moved out of X's house - didn't go far however and they are still best of friends while X continues to disappoint him. It's like watching a puppy get hit with rolled up newspaper but keep coming back for more.
Big news! The X who is now 53 years old will be a Daddy again soon. What a complete joke - he was and continues to be a terrible father to my three, now he's going to ruin another life. I feel sorry for the poor baby!
An yes, I understand that the pending birth is one of the reasons I'm feeling down and still need to heal. It has thrown me for a loop and I'm having trouble with the idea.
Gigi
"It's not what happens to you, it's what you make of it." Zig Ziglar
Yep. That's just what I would want to do at 53. Become a daddy all over again! Your sympathies are rightly placed. Feel compassion for the child.
My XH makes me angry also with the way he treats our boys. (He thinks he's the freakin father of the year.) Ultimately, we have no control over the choices they make regarding our children. Just know that there will be a time of accountability. There always is, eventually.
I have moved down the road of acceptance, but I too still get angry about the way everything worked out. I sometimes think that it will take my XH waking up and owning all of the crap that he did before I will really be able to release it. Probably better not hold my breath on that one.
Thanks for sharing your perspective. It's nice to hear about people who are a little further down the road on this journey.
Have a good day.
Spitfire
Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
Hey Gigi!! Long time no hear! It was really great to see you here (Beth told me you popped on in here) and I wanted to come and say hi.
It sounds as though you're doing good. I think we'll always carry that baggage of what they did to us. I know I do, although I'm way better than I was. Thank God! I have told my H a few times that I'd get past what he did, but I'd never get over it. And that's how I still feel. He thinks we're friends, even though I've told him we're not. How the hell can you have someone for a "friend" who did such awful things? I shake my head but he's still a lost soul.
I hope your kids can find a way to heal but it's so hard for them. Mine don't talk about it much and the youngest (24) is the only one who really does and that's not often. When she does though, the anger comes through and she doesn't try to hide it. I know they love him but he's hurt them a deeply.
I have never dated since he left. I just haven't wanted to. I'm pretty happy being by myself. That could change at any time but for now I'm ok with that.
So give it more time. Like Beth said, it takes as long as it takes. I'm sure you feel much better than you did a few years ago so that's a plus. Just take it one day at a time.
Make sure you say hi to Rob for me. And on a lighter note, have I mentioned lately that the Red Sox suck? Thought that would make you smile!
I think it's supposed to take one month for every year of marriage to fix the marriage. I've heard that the recovery of a relationship is actually half the amount of time as you were together, which gives you 12.5 years to recover.
You're well on your way. The baby news must be upsetting, not that you want it to be you, but it's really hard to realise someone is not who you thought they were.
As far as thinking about him everyday. Don't indulge, if you start thinking, maybe just turn your mind to something else. Reflection for healing is good, too, but I have found that if I don't indulge myself everytime that It's easier to eralize that they are just thoughts, tape running through my head, and I can stop them if I want.
Congratulations on all the great things you've brought into your life!
"I think it's supposed to take one month for every year of marriage to fix the marriage. I've heard that the recovery of a relationship is actually half the amount of time as you were together, which gives you 12.5 years to recover." I never heard this one-- So maybe I am not such a slow learner, hmmm will I live long enuf!
Become a daddy all over again! Your sympathies are rightly placed. Feel compassion for the child.
I have told my H a few times that I'd get past what he did, but I'd never get over it. And that's how I still feel. He thinks we're friends, even though I've told him we're not. How the hell can you have someone for a "friend" who did such awful things? I shake my head but he's still a lost soul. 
Thought that would make you smile!
Congratulations on all the great things you've brought into your life!