She just called 2 minutes ago, and advised me on what I should eat after my run (she used to be a personal trainer).
At the end of the convo she told me she had been listening to one of her iPod playlists, and a couple of the songs made her think of me, and it made her feel melancholy. She had that "choke" in her voice when she was telling me about it.
I told her that happens to me too, from time to time. I choose not to feel sad, and usually change the song.
Sounds to me like she is having a change of heart, does she often call you and tell you she saw or heard something that day that reminded her of you? I have not read your whole sitch but most of it, it does appear to me with what you have listed that some of the fog is lifting and she is starting to have good thoughts of you. JMHO.
She is on her own emotional roller coaster right now. She is quite probably second guessing herself every step of the way. Try to do what you have been over the last while , what drew her back to you again? Make sure none of your old negative behaviours creep back in if you are getting complacent when she comes close. What does she like you to do ?
My guess is you are going to get tested for a bit. The more you stay on your path the more she will respect you and trust you.
Fish wrote, "Ever since I let my W loose 100% I feel free. It's great to have my ba**s back!" Question: do fish actually have balls in the first place? I know they have gills but...I mean think about it, wouldn't ba**s really weigh them down and therefore make them potentially acquatic road kill for creatures that swoop down from the sky? I dunno. OK... sorry, It's just a question that had to be asked Oh and Minkerman, DBing is a rollercoaster ride...hang on tight!
...but then again, if ba**s weigh them down then they'll be deeper in the water and therefore less likely to become a meal for those swooping creatures...OK, I'm done, back to Minkerman.
It's almost never easy to contemplate ending a relationship so this is a natural process she is going through and expressing to you.
If you allow her to safely continue expressing these feelings without becoming argumentative with her and asking "Then wtf are we split up?!"....I think you will lay the ground work for her to continue expressing herself to you - positively AND negatively - and this type of COMMUNICATION can be your marriage's saving grace.
It's as simple as listening - and then thinking before you respond - and THEN responding with love no matter what the issue at hand IS. It means remaining vulnerable to a point. So you just have to ask yourself if you're willing to do that...
MM, what does your gut tell you to do? What does your gut tell you your W is thinking?
I think it's obvious that she's having second thoughts. Why she's having those thoughts, though, isn't as clear. This is all a guess from what you've written on these boards, but... I think a good part of her heart wants to stay. Yet as she said, she spent a good deal of time thinking about how to get out and she's in an internal fight with herself. She wants to be strong and independent and follow through with "her" plan. At the same time, she sees why she shouldn't, and doesn't want, to go. The dating comment was to see what you felt, what you wanted to do. I don't think it was as much of a test as it was a temperature check. Your reaction matters.
Bottom line, she's confused. She needs more time and doesn't know if you're able to give it to her. That's only a question you can answer. If your goal is still to save your marriage, then the answer is easy. If your goal isn't as clear anymore, the answer is more difficult to find.
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
