Hi Wonder! Thanks for the feedback. I find this writing therapeutic....and Queenie...This time I am going to try the wrinkle my nose trick...yeah, that'll do it! Just Journaling
Well the plot sickens...as they say. You all know the "waiting by the phone" feeling I was having. I finally got an e-mail from CG yesterday just as I was heading out the door to teach a class.
Quote:
I know that I have not been a great correspondent and I hope this hasn't frustrated you. I don't know. I think this is what I meant by originally saying that I'm not really looking for a girlfriend. It's difficult to explain...I just tend to get nervous with relationships since my divorce. Probably something I should talk to a shrink about.
yet later he says
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Like I said it's hard to explain. I still like you and want to go out but have this pulling back emotion.
Luckily for me Thursday night is the traditional DGF night out. I have mentioned before that there is a group of us that meet for dinner...all in various stages of D or post D. One of the gals had just finished a fling with a guy that she really liked, but it moved to quickly, got too hot too soon, he got scared and dumped her. She liked him a lot. She had tears in her eyes just talking about it. The other girlfriend has been in a very nice post-D relationship with a guy for going on 3 years now.
Her advice to me has always been "Keep your numbers up" date casually in the beginning and don't get serious about any one guy. I have already decided to give Aston Martin guy a call, so no worries there.
But she was insightful enough to see that CG and I have a strong spark. He got back in touch after 8 months...We have a LOT in common, and the Chemistry is definitely there!
She said I should tell CG I am happy to hear from him, and give him an open-ended kind of an answering e-mail.
From what I know about him, I think therapy is an excellent idea. He obviously has issues about being hurt...(He was the LBS with an OM, etc...)
And my other friend was right when she said, "You want the whole package" meaning...I don't really want "Mr. Right Now" and just get my feelings hurt!
But I also have to say...CG is such a good kisser!
And I won't be seeing him for at least a week because this is his childcare week starting this afternoon.
OK...now I am getting distracted and I have to get ready for work.
Any words of wisdom would be appreciated here...
Thanks friends, SG
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
CG is fun and passed the "interesting/chemistry and warrants further exploration" hurdle.
You enjoy CG's company - but don't know him well enough to know where this R is going right? And you probably don't know him well enough to know if you want a long term commitment yet do you?
CG is gunshy. He is communicating his fears with you. Clearly he is interested. If he wasn't - he wouldn't bother talking about how he feels - right?
Sounds to me like things are going well. You are both interested in each other - but are taking things slowly.
Remember his fears have nothing to do with YOU - it is about him. So don't define yourself by HIS fears.
You are a secure and confident Goddess right? So you can afford to him a little space - knowing he will come back to you. And if you give him the space he wants right now - he will appreciate you even more for giving him space w/o any judgement when he comes back.
I like what your friend said. How about "I understand. Give me a call when you're free and we can get together to do something. Have fun with your kids next week"
The early stages of dating is like fishing my friend. You have to give the line a little slack at times - if you try to reel it in too fast - you lose the fish.
Relax and enjoy the initial part of this R. It is going just as it should.
I don't think he is a player. I think AG nailed it when she said "gunshy"...and really I think it is a good idea to go slow anyways.
This guy is pretty easy to track down, and I think he is telling me the truth when he says he has had trouble with relationships since his divorce, which was 7 years ago. He mentioned talking to a shrink, which I think is an excellent idea. I am doing the same! I like that he is in touch with his feelings enough to A) articulate them and B) work through them.
So I sent him an e-mail.
Quote:
"I understand completely. Give me a call in a week or two we can get together to do something fun. Have fun with your kids and I hope to hear from you soon."
The e-mail I got back was a simple, "Thanks for being understanding. Take care my friend"
So,
Last night went out with a different girlfriend...She has been doing e-harmony and she recommends it. It is less open than Match, which suits me fine since I work with the public.
That is life in my world these days!
SG
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
Hi AG! Well, I am glad my posts are fun for someone! I read you, too. I enjoyed the Trader Joes Guy bits....
Have to say, I think we both could pass for much younger, and that opens up some interesting questions. While I find younger guys attractive sometimes, after spending 20 or so years w/Ex (6 years younger) I am not very interested in being with anyone who doesn't have a certain level of maturity. I don't want to be the "smart one" or the one who "takes the lead" or ultimately "the mother". BTDT. About what you said
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He trusted you with his feelings and you showed him that you are trustworthy. You just took another step forward.
I hope you are right!I am using this little window of time to really practice "dropping the rope" in a BIG way...which means no visiting his company website where there are plenty of pictures of him! LOL!
I have lots to keep me busy this week. My son is coming home for a night and a day...He is moving from his granny flat in the laundry room of the main house to a private bedroom in a real house with a kitchen, bathroom, and door on his bedroom! I will be thrilled to see him, then I drive him back to his new place on Wednesday.
Also Wednesday morning I teach the first session of the second workshop that I was contracted to do. This has been a nice boost to my ego as far as getting work and feeling wanted/needed in these tough economic times for educators.
Friday night I am going to the theater with girlfriends. I imagine I will have my usual Thursday night dinner out. Then next week is more of the same. Workshops and activities...honestly my schedule is packed! The Labyrinth
The labyrinth is an image/conceptual tool I used when I was over in MLC. Click on the "Launch the Interactive Labyrinth Tool" It is a meditation tool and a metaphor for how our center (or goal, or peace, or whatever) is difficult to get directly to. We get closer, it is in sight, we move away. We turn away and don't even see it...and then suddenly as we go around a corner, it is visible again. No matter what direction we are going, there it is, elusive, always there and then...Ah Ha! We are there. Peace. The center.
But one can only stay at peace for so long. We must carry on, continue to go forward until we walk that path again...reminding ourselves that peace does exist, we can be happy, life has joy.
OK...somebody give me a re-fill! My latte came "extra heavy" this morning...LOL
Have a good week, all!
SG
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
Well, it turns out that S won't be coming to visit this week because I forgot to look at my calendar when we scheduled it. I have non-stop workshops and meetings on Wednesday! So I will see him next week. But we have been having some nice phone conversations, which I really appreciate. It is interesting watching my children grow up...A mixed bouquet of stinging nettles and fragrant roses and sweet orange.
Yesterday I got a nice postcard from my friend who went to Ireland. That just reinforced my desire to go there. I would like to get a cottage or house and really stay for a month or more. Need to see about what is involved with that dream and what would be a good first step. How about getting my passport!
Spent some time thinking about my life yesterday. It was one of those introspective kinds of afternoons. With "dropping the rope" about CG I needed something else to occupy my mind...
So, remember the idea of the labyrinth? There is the edge and the center. The center is safe, and the edge could be dangerous, or it could just be change."The edge-nobody really knows where the edge is- because you find it by falling off" (Hunter S. Thompson paraphrased)
So I was thinking back to my wayward youth when I ran away from home at age 16 1/2. This was a radical "Jumping off the edge" into a completely new life. And then I realized that at the time, I had no choice really. I was pushed off the edge at the same time as I was jumping toward something new. And the other times in my life where I have made radical changes in my life. The thing that propels the change is often something that is extremely unpleasant...Like the whole D experience...
Balance is that place between the center and the edge. Some people are more comfortable closer to the center and others like flirting with the edge...
The center should be safe. It is so hard to stay there, tho. When walking a labyrinth, you do eventually get to the center. You can spend time there, in peace...but eventually you must move on.
Part of GAL is finding and getting to your center. What does it for you? For me, listening to music, yoga, hooping, walking the dog, reading, meditating, drawing and painting. These are all ways I can contact my center...if only for a short while.
Have a great Tuesday my friends. SG
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
Have to say, I think we both could pass for much younger, and that opens up some interesting questions. While I find younger guys attractive sometimes, after spending 20 or so years w/Ex (6 years younger) I am not very interested in being with anyone who doesn't have a certain level of maturity. I don't want to be the "smart one" or the one who "takes the lead" or ultimately "the mother".
I know what exactly what you mean. But I have also found out that age does not necessarily mean maturity... The X was 3 years younger. I rebounded with someone 15 years older - he was worse! I would prefer someone plus/minus 5 years. I have expanded that from plus/minus 3 years! LOL!
In my M, I too felt like I was the one that took the lead. I use to feel like The X needed me to expand his horizons - but I didn't get that back in return. I also felt like his mother at times... Not something I wanted or enjoyed...
I have no idea how it works - but I would like a more balanced R next time. Maybe where I take the lead in some areas and he takes the lead in others. I don't want to control/take the lead on everything - that is exhausting! I also want someone that I feel more grounded around - as opposed to more restless. Some people just have a calmer aura - and that is something I need b/c I tend to be a relatively restless person.
The X was actually a very smart man. That was one of the things that I was attracted to in the beginning. The problem was he was insecure and lacking in self esteem - so he couldn't see that. He needed to compete with me and put me down to feel better about himself.
Glad you enjoyed my TJ stories! LOL! That one fizzled as soon as I found out he was 31!
I am hoping someone my own age and single catches my interest soon... This drought has been going on much too long. There are times when I find myself wondering if my chemistry center has died.
And if you give him the space he wants right now - he will appreciate you even more for giving him space w/o any judgement when he comes back. 
