Hey CW, I was not ignoring ya it's just that I tried to find out how long ago I did have "the talk" W my W. YES she knows that I am not happy but during that talk she told me that she was really stressed about not having a job. (Money is getting really tight now, Cost about $100.00 a week just for gas for me to get to work). Anyway I agreed back then to wait until she got a job. Then we can talk. SOOO I am kind of stuck... It's been about 2 months.... So for those of you I did not e-mail... I mean if I had e mails to I would have, not that I do but if I had and you were not one of them.... Saturday son and I went to the coast for the day... had a great time. Sunday I spent the whole day at MIL house working in her yard. When I got home I was tired and did say this to W. MIL came over our house and W wanted me to BBQ some steaks... She then made her mom and herself a drink. I kept waiting for her to ask me if I wanted one but it never happened. Yes I know I should have just asked her to but I am an idiot. So I got up and made myself one. I guess I was slamming things down a little and W asked what my problem was and I told her I was thirsty too... She said I thought you were too tired. And she slammed the sliding door on her way out... Well I kind of let it go and so did she so I guess I did not screw up too bad. Anyway Son and I are going camping text weekend for the weekend. I told W she should stop by. (I only live about 45 min form the coast where we will be camping) she said she was thinking about getting her mom and bringing us lunch on Saturday....
New Update... Ok this may come to a shock to Nik B. I know during a stressful time it is not recommended but I am going to quit smoking. Yes Nik I do smoke. The night I was with you I was so relaxed I did not even think if having a cigarette. I do not and have never smoked around my kids. I was smoking when I met wife and smoked around her but quit a few years after we married. Then My Daughter got really sick and I spent a week in the hospital sleeping in a chair because they did not know what was wrong with her. My W told me to go ahead and have a cigarette (Yes I know it WAS my decision but I let that give me permission) and I have been a closet smoker ever since. I W know I do and did mention it that it bothers her the day of the discovery of the pictures... Anyway I signed up for a class next Wednesday and my doctor prescribed "bupropion". It's an anti depressant that Doctors discovered that when they gave it to depressed people that smoked they gave up smoking...
My Question to the public is.
1) Should I tell wife I am quitting? I only have one workshop to go to so she would not wonder where I am going... 2) Should I tell wife about taking the anti depressant? I mean she will see the bottle on the bathroom sink.
AI pick up the pills tomorrow and am supposed to start taking them then....
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Sure, I would tell her you're going to try to quit.
Now - my spiel that I give my patients: 1) Smoking is a HABIT. You are trained like Pavlov's dog to want a cigarette in certain situations. You can't expect to sit in the same place at the same time of day with the same cup of coffee and not have your brain start screaming "Where's my cigarette? I ALWAYS have a cigarette when I sit here with my coffee!" So be proactive and change as many of those triggers as you can. Take a walk on your break, eat breakfast in a different room, drink iced coffee instead of hot, whatever. If you usually smoke in the car - that's harder to change the environment (unless you want to buy a new Lexus )so keep a giant box of gum in the car. If you usually smoke while you talk on the phone, move the phone to another room and keep some knitting or something next to it to occupy your hands.
2) Drugs and patches work fine for the withdrawal, but what trips up many smokers is exactly what tripped you up - stress. People smoke for stress reduction. If you don't learn other methods of stress reduction and start practicing them NOW, you're not gonna take up yoga a year from now when the dog gets hit by a truck. Find what works for you - yoga, meditation, boxing, running, bubble baths, whatever - but PRACTICE stress reduction on a regular basis. This way you'll be prepared the next time a major stressor hits.
Good luck to you!!!! My dad died of a heart attack at 51 as a result of his 4 pack a day cigarette habit, so I am always excited when someone quits
KLM, Thanks.... I do not smoke in my car... well not in the jeep... I smoked for a while in the p.u so it already stinks. I also do not smoke in the house or around my son. (Son is 11 and has never seen me smoke). When we used to go in trips when we were a family. I did not smoke for sometimes two weeks at a time... so I am a strange case. I know about the stress issue but I also think it is an excuse... I am tired of my marriage sitch; I am tired my looking hard for baby steps... But I think this time quitting will give me something to do that I CAN SEE PROGRESS. Plus the Money I will save and the "Honey" (woman) I may find to enjoy the rest of my life with....As for changing my routine.. I don't smoke around my son so I will try to keep him by my side... Please KLM I know My W won't so will you check up on me??? Keep me honest?? My life for the last year seem to be waiting for one thing after another, wait till my wedding annv., wait till son’s b-day, wait till my B-Day, wait till Vegas now wait till W gets a job... I made a feeble attempt to quit a few months back and told wife. A few days after I said something to W about not having a Cigarette for a while and her response was. "Great now am I going to have to praise you now?"... It was not a very encouraging response. Yes W's attitude was a little different now but I am going through a morphing again. I am changing the way I dress for work. I think she has noticed that... I will be honest with you all... I am ready to quit both smoking and trying to keep this front of a marriage up. I have no body to talk out loud to about my worries, how my day went, how I feel... so I talk to myself allot in my head. I find myself doing it more and more... I can’t tell you how many times I have argued with my W about our sitch and the OM IN MY HEAD...Yesterday It was about Sex... And how she could say it was no big deal to her anymore and yet give it away to the OM and deny my feelings for over a year... today IN MY HEAD I was telling her as soon as son and I get back from our vacation I think we should discuss going our separate ways.... Ok enough about me talking to my self.... back to smoking... It is actually something I am looking forward to. It is a challenge (unlike my marriage) that I HAVE CONTROL OVER... Cool huh? I actually wanted to start on the annv. Of the bomb but could not contact the Quitting group in time sooo Next week will be day one... Not a bad memory... Let's see the last Cigarette I had was a year and 1 week after I found my wife's affair pictures....
Later and have a great day...
Oh ya the doctor released me for my back problems and gave me some stretching to do to help me.....
Bye Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
2) Drugs and patches work fine for the withdrawal, but what trips up many smokers is exactly what tripped you up - stress. People smoke for stress reduction. If you don't learn other methods of stress reduction and start practicing them NOW, you're not gonna take up yoga a year from now when the dog gets hit by a truck. Find what works for you - yoga, meditation, boxing, running, bubble baths, whatever - but PRACTICE stress reduction on a regular basis. This way you'll be prepared the next time a major stressor hits.
SEX?????? but I need a partner to practice with..
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
2) Drugs and patches work fine for the withdrawal, but what trips up many smokers is exactly what tripped you up - stress. People smoke for stress reduction. If you don't learn other methods of stress reduction and start practicing them NOW, you're not gonna take up yoga a year from now when the dog gets hit by a truck. Find what works for you - yoga, meditation, boxing, running, bubble baths, whatever - but PRACTICE stress reduction on a regular basis. This way you'll be prepared the next time a major stressor hits.
SEX?????? but I need a partner to practice with..
Husband
Careful with that one H. It may be a stress reliever, but don't people usually reach for a cigarette afterwards?
I wouldn't make a big deal about telling the W about quitting. Like you said, she'll see the prescription and I'm sure she'll ask. You can just say "Oh those? They're just to help me quit smoking."
Do this one for yourself. If she offers support and praise, all the better.
Careful with that one H. It may be a stress reliever, but don't people usually reach for a cigarette afterwards?
HFF...... It's been so long I would probably be in a coma (with a big smile on my face) for a week after.......
No I am not doing it for her; I am doing it for my son AND to expand the possible new "Step mom" selection.... MORE women will be attracted if I don't smoke.... More women means more sex, which means less stress....... the less stress the more galing.. The more galling means more women. And more women mean... the more sex.....................
Ok sorry I got carried away..... No it will be one less thing for me to worry about...
Later
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Husband, I'm so proud of you for taking the iniative to quit smoking. You will improve you health and future health. Not to mention other bonuses. Your skin will glow,(ever notice how smoking causes wrinkles around the mouth), you will smell good, and think of all of the lung capacity you will have too!
Now this is what I want you to do with the money you will be saving by not smoking. Continue to buy some new clothes(think of all of the positive reactions you have gotten) and don't forget the new cologne. A woman can't resist a man that looks and smells good... Go to the fragrance counter and get some samples to see which one you like. Wear them around women and see which gets the most positive comments. Then buy that fragrance. I'm a fan of Polo Blue... Ahhhh..... You will be fighting the women off with a stick, perhaps one of those women will be your wife!
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
SO I e mailed W and said I was taking a Quit smoking class on the 23rd.....I Came home... told W I was going to Kaiser to get some medication then to get propane for camper then to MIL house to water her lawn and then take the battery out of the mustang to use in the camper. She said...” you are going to Kaiser to get propane?"... I laughed and said no I was going there and then going to get propane... SO that is the encouragement I get from W about quitting.... big deal I am not doing it for her but she could have said something nice... Will write more lately...
H
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
)so keep a giant box of gum in the car. If you usually smoke while you talk on the phone, move the phone to another room and keep some knitting or something next to it to occupy your hands.
My dad died of a heart attack at 51 as a result of his 4 pack a day cigarette habit, so I am always excited when someone quits