I am so happy for you and your family. God is so good if we just let HIM do the work and lead the way.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I've just started reading through your post and it does sound allot like my sitch.
Married almost 25 years,together 27,both christians.
Wife needed space,has been unhappy for some time,which was news to me,felt smothered and controled.
W Filed for D,I found DB and started reading DR,working on GAL,180,LRT.
Since I have backed off she is now calling and inviting me over,dinner out last night and then asked me to watch a movie with her at home,left at 1:30 am.
Calls me this morning tells me she's making blueberry muffins and ask me to come join them.
I am just playing it cool,no R talk,no pressure,letting her call the shots.I know she has seen changes in me,at times I am tempted to ask questions,I miss holding her so much,but I am taking it easy and noticing the baby steps.
She used to not even contact me,then she would usally text me,now she usally calls.
It feels like things are changeing in her,I know she is being cautious and watching and waiting to see my old jealous untrusting ways come back,but I will not let them.
I have put her and our M in Gods hands and praying and trusting that his will be done in this M and family.
I catch myself starting to think negative or fear the worst,but I am reminded to have faith not fear,to trust not doubt,I have to walk what I believe and not just talk it.
Married 28 yrs Seperated 6 mths Rec D Papers 11/24 W Canceled D Moved Back Home 3/1/08 2 Kids D23 and S16 Trying 2 Put R Back Together
It is great to hear from you! Thanks for stopping by!
HHIF,
Since your thread is locked up, I will reply here. I would highly recommend that you go back to my 1st thread and read through. Here is the link to the beginning of this thread..and you will find the link to the other 4 threads of mine: Page 1 of this thread
From what I can tell, our situations are VERY similar. My W and I had been married just over 26 years when she dropped the bomb in Aug '06. She never moved out...nor did I...just different rooms in the same house. She asked for "time and space" and I gave it to her in spades. She initially filed for "legal separation" then changed that to "divorce" a month later even though she acknowledged there were lots of changes in me. It was over 6 months before I saw any sign of softening...then things moved rather quickly. Your sitch seems to be moving even more quickly than mine...which by DB standards is light speed. Be aware that you are likely to experience lows...even as things improve. Just be ready...stay on your knees...remember what got you here...and don't repeat those mistakes. You must be near perfect...or every setback will lengthen this journey immeasurably. It sounds like you are doing well. There are lots of great Christians here who can help you...and you have found some of the best...AmyC, 4Kids, MissMyFriend...and there is BrandNewDay...I_Wanna_Make_It_Work...and others. I highly recommend you start a new thread and keep posting if you want people to help you directly.
Thanks for stopping by...and I will check in periodically to see how you are doing.
Praising God Daily, Remaining "FaithfulH" Me: 62 W: 62 D:33 S:30 & 31 Married: 40 Years BD: Sep 2006 Piecing: May 2007 2nd BD: May 2014 Working On It: Today
You will have doubts, you will struggle. Remember to yield to the spirit because it is He who will guide you to the correct action when your all your fleshly desires cry out otherwise.
Romans 7: 14We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do-this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God-through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.
"BE YE KIND ONE TO ANOTHER, TENDER-HEARTED, FORGIVING ONE ANOTHER, EVEN AS GOD FOR CHRIST'S SAKE HATH FORGIVEN YOU." --EPHESIANS 4:32
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
4kids, excellent scripture. It shows how real Paul was. We cannot be perfect but we should continually strive to be the people God want us to be. And until we realize we cannot do this on our own but only through Him, will we constantly go to the left and to the right instead of keeping our eyes fixed on Him.
It is no wonder what has happened to my M.
sf, I love that verse. In reading your thread for the past couple of days, it is evident that you are doing this with your family. The worlds' ways are not His. Following Him and doing what He would do will appear crazy to the world.
HHIF, FaithfulH is an excellent person to help you in your walk. He has suggested excellent materials that have helped me keep focused on Him.
As much as I want my W back home, I am blessed to come to really know the Lord through this crisis and I see blessings for my children. Even while we miss her, our love for her has been constant and it feels as though she realizes this, even in all her confusion. This is the time that your family needs you to be the spiritual leader in your family. My focus is to make this a permanent change in myself. I fear that it would be temporary.
Know this, there are dangers for your spouse and yourself than the crisis of the health of your M.
1 Peter 5:8 "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour."
The enemy wants nothing more to hurt God's children so he can hurt God. He will take advantage at any opportunity to hurt your family. Be vigilant.
Last edited by missmyfriend; 02/03/0803:06 PM.
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
I do want to add something to this thread because those reading it will understand.
Back in October 2005 and the months that followed, I was in counseling with the pastor of our church.
The first meeting he told me I had to let go and allow God to do his work. I wanted to have that little bit of control such as confronting OW and telling her to stay away from my H, amongst other things.
Then I would go back one month later and the pastor would say, "but are you allowing God to control this?"
It took me a long time to give it up and allow God to do his work.
It was difficult for me because I am human and felt I had to do something but of course I could not.
Once I finally gave it up, little things began to happen for the better and those babysteps were evidenced for awhile.
My advice: do not try and change things or get in the way. allow God to do HIS work in HIS own timing, not ours.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I will tack on that if you are in the Spirit, He will move you when the time is right. You may not even understand that you are doing it. Waiting on the Lord does not mean "sitting on your hands" as is frequently interpreted by the non-believer. It is waiting on His guidance, and continually carrying out ACTIONS of love toward those around us(aka 1 Cor 13).
FH..just a 'post mortem' post to thank you for all the time, effort and compassion that you have offered me over the last almost two years. I admire that you stayed with me even when our philosophies were diametrically opposed. Well...actually..they never really were at all, were they? I tried my best....I hope that you will think of my efforts as such.
I will always remember our dinner in NYC and that you were able to meet my kids. I am stronger having met you but even prouder that you had the conviction to fight for your M and win. Rest assured that I will use these times as food for growth...that I will always respect my wife as the mother of my children...and that I will love my kids with all my heart.
God bless you.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
