I have spent some time reading your situation and Mo2 views.
A couple of phrases come to mind.
Hey Goodfight, Thanks for posting here. Any help is welcomed. I've heard and probably used all of those phrases. I believe Mo2C also believes those are all true for the most part also, but problem is that there is still something missing for her. The current plan to move out is I believe her making the move to do something different when what your are doing isn't working.
I plan on supporting this decision and making the best of the situation for everyone involved.
Quote:
I hope for the best for yourselves and your children. I trust it will come clean in the end.
This past weekend, W and I had the talk with the kids about her moving out. They took it surprisingly well. Almost too well. We told them that mommy and daddy hadn't been happy for a while and that mommy was going to move out for a little while so that we could work on finding that happiness.
W will be going tonight to sign the lease and D wants to go along.
Thanks Tired. I don't think it's such a bad thing though. Honestly, I think we are in a pretty good spot right now. We've been getting along really well and talking about the future. I don't necessarily agree with the approach, but I can see some of the positives associated with it. I think it might take some of the pressure off of the R. There's been so much focus on trying to get it right for the past couple of months. I think this will give us both a chance to work more on being happy as individuals instead of needing the togetherness to be happy.
After work, I picked up the kids from school and headed straight back out to get S to his Cub Scout den meeting. They are working on their pinewood derby cars and were having the pack leader cut them out. We had already cut ours out and all the other kids were admiring how good it looked. We shaped it like a Formula 1 race car. Then I helped one of the other fathers drill new holes for the axles on his pinewood derby car.
Straight from scouts to Little League for a practice. I volunteered as an assistant coach this year which I think really makes my S happy. He had some great hits during the practice. I need to brush up on my baseball skills, especially as the catcher. It was cold last night, so after practice, I made S a cup of hot chocolate when we got home and we ordered out for some pizza since it was so late.
W had taken D with her to sign the lease on her apartment and D was able to get a little tour. W and I talked a bit about the apartment and plans while I was eating. She seems a little apprehensive about it now and really didn't want to talk too much on the subject.
We did talk about plans for this coming Friday. The dojo where we do karate has a movie night where we can drop the kids and then go out. We'll take advantage of that to go to the opening night of my S and BIL's restaurant. If we can then get a babysitter, we then plan on seeing another BIL's band play at a local bar. Looks like it's going to be a busy weekend.
Finished up filing our taxes (we owed money this year ), and exercised a little before bed.
After work, I picked up the kids from school and headed straight back out to get S to his Cub Scout den meeting. They are working on their pinewood derby cars and were having the pack leader cut them out. We had already cut ours out and all the other kids were admiring how good it looked. We shaped it like a Formula 1 race car. Then I helped one of the other fathers drill new holes for the axles on his pinewood derby car.
HFF,
Aren’t son's great... It gives us "big Boys" excuses to play again... I am working with my son with his science project for school... He is building a Model Solar powered car... (Calif. ya know)... Had the motor in yesterday but by the time we were ready to try it out the sun had set and I could not get enough power from the lights in the house...we are going to try again today after school when the sun is out but the motor might be bad. Ya the only problem is now that he is 11 he does not want to watch cartoons anymore... so now I have to wait till nobody is home to watch them,
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Friday night was busy. I met some friends from my last job for a happy hour. Had a great time there seeing a lot of the old crew. The weather was great that day, so I rode my motorcycle to and from work. After the happy hour, my son's karate school had a movie night, so that meant two hours of free time for me and W. She had mentioned that she wanted to pack and clean during this time, but when I was at the happy hour, she texted me and asked if I wanted to meet her for drinks and appetizers. I said yes and met her at a bar local to our house. Had a very nice time with her. After that, we picked up the kids and then brought them to my IL's house so that we could go see her BIL's band play. The friends that I had been with earlier that night also went to the bar, so I hung with them for most of the night.
W was out on back porch at bar with her S. She told me later that a guy was trying to pick up her S who is married. W said what about me? He told her he thought she was out of his league, so he didn't bother. Now in the past, that wouldn't have bothered me, but today, I realize that it makes me insane. I'm not one for being aggressive and have never picked a bar fight, but I was close that night.
Mo2C moved out this past Saturday into her own apartment. She rented a small moving van and her family came over to help out. I also helped with the move. It was a bit weird. I was feeling a bit anxious and on edge in the beginning of the day, but things went really well and I was feeling better when it was done. We got everything to the apartment and mostly set up. Our kids very quickly found friends from school that live close by and were out and playing in no time. W picked up pizza and beer and we hung out for a while before returning the van and then heading back to my house. W left, and I spent the rest of the evening with the kids. W came back later that night because she had forgotten her toothbrush and pajamas. She looked really upset and told me the next day that it was really hard leaving the house after that.
Sunday W took D to horseback riding lessons and I went out with S grocery shopping. This is one area that W took primary responsibility of, so I have some learning to do. W and I had our first 'date' when we went to a late lunch for the opening of my sister's restaurant. I think we had a nice time there. I asked W if she would come over later that night so we could watch a DVD from Netflix that has been sitting around for awhile. She took the kids to her parents for dinner and had them back by eight. I cleaned around the house while they were out. We got them to bed and then watched the movie. After that, she grabbed a few more things and headed to the apartment. I guess everything is going well so far, but I think I'm going to move my thread over to the We're Separated forum. It seems a little more appropriate.
I hope this does go well. In some ways it sounds like the ideal situation for all families. I know while my kids were young I often muttered under my breath -- "a one-bedroom condo." But we couldn't afford any such luxury, and besides, if I moved out, what would make my husband stay with the kids? They would have had the whole house to themselves!
I just glanced through your thread, so forgive me if this is repetitious. Sounds like she was never really back. But what really struck me is that she is still in a place where she thinks marriage is about your heart going pitter-patter all the time. She won't be able to give you what you need, because she is too busy looking at what she needs.
It's great that you are staying "friends", but I'd suggest using this time as she suggested, to discover what life is like without her. It could actually be really good. She won't come back if she sees you needy and desperate for her. And you hopefully wouldn't want her back again if she wasn't truly willing to work through her issues. She'll just leave again, because frankly, marriage is not great excitement. It's comfortable...not adrenaline packed like a new hot and heavy relationship. I think there was a time that my wife was like yours, concerned that she made the wrong choice coming back. The only difference is that my wife worked through it and stayed.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
Sounds like she was never really back. But what really struck me is that she is still in a place where she thinks marriage is about your heart going pitter-patter all the time. She won't be able to give you what you need, because she is too busy looking at what she needs.
You may be right. The first two months of the year were really great and it seemed like she was fully back, but she has said recently that she was sort of faking it hoping that the feelings would come back. I'm not sure what she is looking for. She tells me that she knows marriage is not always the passionate and exciting love that you see in early relationships, but she's looking for more than what we have. Or maybe it is that she is trying to figure out if her expectations are too high and what we have is really good.
Quote:
It's great that you are staying "friends", but I'd suggest using this time as she suggested, to discover what life is like without her. It could actually be really good. She won't come back if she sees you needy and desperate for her. And you hopefully wouldn't want her back again if she wasn't truly willing to work through her issues.
I'm doing just that. The night before last was my first night 'alone' in the house. No Mo2C, no kids. The house is too big for just me and it was lonely. That night was tough, but I'll be staying busy and looking to try new things.
I'm definitely trying to get out of my comfort zone. I've been doing karate since the beginning of the year and last night I took part in a full contact, kick-boxing match. Our dojo was helping some guys train for a tournament. The guy I fought is a couple of belts above me, but a little smaller. I went for a two minute round. It is EXHAUSTING!! and my ribs are killing me today. I think he may have cracked one, but I'm glad I did it.
Quote:
She'll just leave again, because frankly, marriage is not great excitement. It's comfortable...not adrenaline packed like a new hot and heavy relationship. I think there was a time that my wife was like yours, concerned that she made the wrong choice coming back. The only difference is that my wife worked through it and stayed.
This is exactly what she doesn't want to happen. She doesn't want to come back half-heartedly and then find herself wandering again a year or two down the road. In one of our last talks, she said that now was the perfect time to try this separation, because we are getting along so well. If she had left at the end of last year, she probably would not have come back. If she stayed in the house, she would always question if she made the right choice. She sees this as a way to really figure out if our marriage is what she wants.
), and exercised a little before bed.