Wow are you the same person who use to post here?!? You've got your groove back and you are so much more in control and centered.
Date was perfect - I understand your concerns, but from where I'm sitting I'm just really jealous of your quality time together.
Cool about the mortgage too. Its a bit hard to read into financial decisions, but I think its a good step too. I just want to check that this isn't going to negatively impact you financially in the future? Like if he has a bigger share of the house, you don't have as much say in it? I have no idea about stuff like that, but just be cautious and look out for yourself.
You need to adjust your time frame for you guys reconnecting. It honestly may take years. It will impact on your positive attitude if you are expecting him to be home in 2 months time - you will get angry and frustrated when he's not back.
You are also leaning towards sympathy and wanting to mother BF. Dont go there! Be encouraging instead that he can do it by himself. I know its hard and all you want to do is look after him. But it would be much better for you to support him and believe in him that he can overcome the depression by himself on his own (support the decision he made to leave you). Encourage him that he is dealing with it well, instead of being sorry for him.
Hey Essie! Oh good point! I was worrying actually that I didnt "step in" and make it alright or offer more help, I was thinking, damn I should have said about dinner tonight "are you sure? you can watch rubbish tele here and I'll cook..." but all I said was "I could always make dinner for you sometime..." in a kind of non commital voice, and he said maybe, but I'm tired (I checked my notes, I write whenever he calls me)... so you have made me feel better! He was moaning about a lot of things and I just asked questions and asked how he felt and didnt jump in and suggest any fixes, just listened! So hopefully I wasnt mothering..
I just reread what he said, and amongst other things he said - I feel down on myself, I feel really bad about myself, I just feel wiped out, knackered, I just stare at my screen all day feeling really grumpy and tired, I cant get excited about any food, or cooking or even eating,I cant concentrate at all, I cant be bothered with anything..
I know I sound sorry for him here, but thats cos I'm venting here and I AM worried about him :-/
The house thing, its more of a risk for him, as we are joint owners, 50% each, no matter what we put in (unless he gets a special solicitor financial statement drawn up to state his capital input, which I doubt he would as he 100% trusts me). So, its half mine, no matter what (sorry Kalni!). I also dont think he would try and wrestle it off me in this way, as he knows he wouldnt even own it if it wasnt for me, I did ALL the work to get it, refinancing my house, solictors, negotiations, I even forged his signature on the mortgage application, as he was away in Japan at the time! I did it in the bank, in front of the bank manager !!! I said, its ok, he wants to buy it, but we cant wait till he gets back or they will pull out...she even lent me her pen and a bit of paper to practice on!!! Hilarious. I never give up you see (lucky for him, else I would probs be dating some hot 20 year old from college by now. Theres one in my class who keeps wanting to chat to me :-)
Sorry I havent posted on your thread latest, I'm getting there!! (oh and I'm nearly my old self nowadays)
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
I just reread what he said, and amongst other things he said - I feel down on myself, I feel really bad about myself, I just feel wiped out, knackered, I just stare at my screen all day feeling really grumpy and tired, I cant get excited about any food, or cooking or even eating,I cant concentrate at all, I cant be bothered with anything..
He has just described how I feel! Or really close to it! depression!
Ditto to dry_heat's comments above...this is absolutely consistent with depression. Was he able to get connected yet with IC (can't remember but I think he's still waiting?).
Clearly he is feeling safe to reach out to you in some fairly consistent ways. You are creating a sense of safety for him, and I know it must be hard to figure out where the line of caring vs. mothering him is, given his very real struggles going on. You've put some good offers out there, I would concur with the advice to leave it there and not revisit it right now. My sense is that given how much he is struggling with the depression, it's a good thing to invite him to check in either way with you. He understands that you are listening and there for him in a way that he isn't likely experiencing with anyone else out there.
In one way, it almost sounds like some of the power has been shifting here, as you've begun reclaiming yourself and GAL and he has been finding the struggle perhaps more difficult than he anticipated. His reaching out suggests to me that he recognizes how important a person you are to him.
And, well, a little bit of attention from a classmate can't be too bad for the ol' LBS ego now, can it??!! : )
I believe Saturday is the big day this week (if I'm remembering your posts on Kalni's thread correctly).. So I hope you have the chance to see your BF tomorrow!!
I post in the same circles as you (esp. Kalni) so I read your stuff all the time and "lurk" on your thread, too. I just had a question, hope it isn't too selfish of me to ask.
You have been talking about the big Jupiter/Uranus thing tomorrow? The BIG CHANGE? I know you said it doesn't mean everyone around the world will have big changes. But does it matter your own chart? Or could big changes happen for anyone?
I ask b/c my H is coming down to visit tomorrow (Saturday). Kids and I haven't seen him for a week. Anyway his b-day is Dec 20 1973 and mine is Aug 24 1975. Does that make a difference? Or is there a potential for change for all of us? Sorry to bother you, but you sound so excited on K's thread that I am a little wistful for the same sentiment....
FWIW I think my H is depressed, too, but he is still in the denial stage. Doesn't think he is depressed but his mom, dad, sister, and I all do.....we don't say it to him though b/c he wouldn't admit it anyway at this point.
(((((BobbiJo))))) As one who just in the past week or so said the words, "I think I might be depressed", let me say that it isn't something that you get to easily. In my case it took people here to ask me the questions that led me to that conclusion. Hopefully your H will have someone lead him down that path. I think that you are correct that you, and his family, are probably not the ones that can do it.
Hey Bobbi! I lurk on your thread too! Hello fellow lurker.
You said You have been talking about the big Jupiter/Uranus thing tomorrow? The BIG CHANGE? I know you said it doesn't mean everyone around the world will have big changes. But does it matter your own chart? Or could big changes happen for anyone?
oh yes, this is EVERYONE on the planet feeling this. It may affect individual charts (I cant check yours without knowing where and what time (if you have it) you were both born!) The reason I or astrologers say, but changes might not happen, is.. you gotta be in it to win it!! See, astrology is like the weather reports. You can be pretty accurate with what the planetarty "conditions" are, like weather conditions, but if I say, big changes are possible, you have to want it and make an effort to make it happen. All things are possible, but if, like a weather man says its a sunny day! but you decide to hide in the house all weekend watching reruns of Dallas on cable (I loved that programme!!) then, changes arent necessarily going to knock at your door. I can tell you you may have the best chance for that new job/romance/major life change etc, but if you dont embrace the opportunity, it will pass you by.
For me, the alignments hit my Sun exactly, so I was expecting something maybe...but its chucking it down here, so I doubt I will see him now afterall (dont know yet, its only 11 am). I just rememberd hes on a lads night out in a major tourist seaside town tonight, with all the other guys sharking for woman. He told me hes dreading it...but who knows, maybe he would meet someone, that would lift him out of his depression! I mustnt think like that though, hes really not in that head space.
Jeff...ahh, you think that really is it then? Any more thoughts on your liver/acupuncture etc...and did you ring the EAP line?
And thanks to everyone else and Purr, thanks for that so much. It should be so obvious to me, but it isnt as I am close to it. But yes, its a balance of knowing I'm there and standing back. I think its harder because we live down here and we only have one close friend each nearby, other than each other, and so I feel a certain responsibility as all his friends and family are 4 hours away. Ali xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Oh dear...no word from him. I hope he is ok. I've been and sealed a shower unit this morning! I am woman. I was expecting to see him today, but its lashing rain sideways as its blowing a gale. No bike rides for me as usual! He's out tonight on a lads night out in a hot hen night town. Its ridiculous to be worried I know, I'm sure he will not be having a great time, but I am disapointed he hasnt rung. I texted him last night to say he can call anytime for a chat and I hope he sleeps ok and he hasnt answered that (it had no questions in it), but still, I was wondering about sending another text to ask how he is today? Thoughts anyone??
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Good luck with your day. It sounds like you are a very capable lady, since you sealed a shower today??
Sorry for the rain it probably doesn't help lift your mood. I am sure BF isn't going to have any hot times tonight, the way you have described him I don't think he is out looking for a good time (not with some random person, anyway, maybe with you though.
I think since you told him he could call anytime, you should wait to contact him. I have made the mistake of trying too hard w/H and it has never helped me yet. Give it a couple hours and then see. Last night I was about to phone my H and decided to wait on it. 15 min later HE called ME. I was so glad I hadn't initiated. We got to talk and I knew it wasn't all MY idea that way....
Thinking of you today! Hope you get a positive big change!
