Hi peace! I had a great time on my trip with the kids. I'm pretty proud of myself for going without H. It was so nice to have a break from him. Not that he does anything mean or nasty, but it was so much easier to stop my thinking about it all constantly. Another plus was that I got to meet Upside!!!
My H, for obvious reasons doesn't talk about his work too much. I wonder if OW is working on cases with him so he doesn't talk to me about them. He also used to tell me stories about his work friends (male) and we used to hang out with those friends families. We don't hang out with them at all anymore and H never talks about them to me anymore. So that makes me wonder if he just doesn't spend any of his "free" work time with them anymore because he is spending it with OW. Those two friends would not be supportive of this A.
So I think it is good that your H talks about his work with you. All my H and I talk about is kid related stuff.
I think it couldn't hurt to be busy on Friday. You can do it in a friendly way and then take note of what happens.
Good luck!
Nature Girl M 40 H 40 M 15, T 19 D11 S9 bomb 3/07 (MOW)
peace- Your friend could be right that your H is being nicer so you won't change things but you really have no way to know for sure. I like the idea of doing a 180...Do you think it will upset your H if you change his visitation? I do think that they get too comfortable so why not try to change the status quo a little. Hopefully you have something fun planned on Friday with the kids. I wish I was better at coming up with 180's.
Good job listening and talking with your H even if it is about work. Is there a way for you to validate him and encourage him about work? Maybe if he gets comfortable enough, then you could test the water about another subject.
hi peace- I just got caught up on your thread. I think you're doing fine and your plan sounds great!. Listing the positives that you see with your h and letting him know that you notice is a good idea. How can it hurt?
Kiki NG Upside and NA thanks for your support NG glad your trip was fun..
Positive is atleast H is not ready to D and he wants no changes negative is this could be a while before he will figure out if he wants D or not
why do so many of these MLCers seem to be so unsure? they move out proclaiming this is what they want, then for the next 1-2 years they keep us on a string waiting for a possible return so they throw a crumb anytime they sense we may seriously be done
and why do they want to continue a frienship with the spouse they just abandoned? many of them have OW.. Why not talk to her? it is so mind boggling for any sane person to figure out! do they think it will be easier to cut the ties to the family in another year do they really want to come home but still cant I am going to try to make plans tomorrow the kids have already complained that they want to see H when I suggested we invite grandma and watch a move/dinner maybe I will need to step up a night out with just kids to make it more fun soi they dont complain to H about mom taking a night away maybe a movie out? If I cant get it together tomorrow I will do it next week and I plan to keep throwing little last minute changes in to see what happens hope you are all doing well peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Peace, I know what you mean about them putting us on a string and throwing us a crumb every so often. It would be nice to know their agenda. But then again that agenda can change so maybe it doesn't help to know an ever-changing agenda.
Hope you get to do something fun tomorrow night. I plan to - dancing. -PH
I think you are right, they really just do not know what they want. The thing is, I think there is a tiny part of them that knows they are acting crazy but they can't do anything about it. So they are really in turmoil (my H used that term to me) and their head is really not a very nice place to be in. They don't want to be in turmoil, but they can't get out of it.
When I think of it that way, I have compassion for my H, because I would really not want to be in that state of mind.
Good idea about waiting to do something out of the hosue with the kids. You don't want them (or your H) to think you are doing it to keep them away from him.
Nature Girl M 40 H 40 M 15, T 19 D11 S9 bomb 3/07 (MOW)
why do so many of these MLCers seem to be so unsure? they move out proclaiming this is what they want, then for the next 1-2 years they keep us on a string waiting for a possible return so they throw a crumb anytime they sense we may seriously be done
If we had a dollar for everytime this crossed our minds in the last year we would be stinkin' rich!
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it is so mind boggling for any sane person to figure out! do they think it will be easier to cut the ties to the family in another year do they really want to come home but still cant
The way they act I think it both and more...AmyC or FavoriteWeirdo might be able to shed a little more light on this for us.
Hi girls! Thanks for your input! NG One A was 6 months, another was under a year and the other 2 im not sure..one W said it seemed very long --the MLC definitely was over a year and half and she lost track all said it was a gradual awakening return with little said just started doing more stuff tofether again
MY H is cycling toward us now..maybe the confrintation the other day shed some light on him or maybe its just a fluke?
he came by at 11 this morning unannounced..the kids are home for break and he spoke with them and said nothing about coming he said he was going away for the weekend so he wanted to visit and he wont be back to see kids till monday fine with me..I needed a break from this anyway but again he was super friendly and talkative seemed normal at times, then he seemed alien also I see the shift within minutes of eachother he stayed for 2 hours and mostly talked to me no R issues just usual work ect
so its me and kids this weekend and yes PH im dancing tomorrow night hope you have fun tonight peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
