Fish, I totally get that you've hit your point. However, getting into another relationship right now is not a good idea. There's a reason why the term "rebound relationship" has been coined. You need to continue to work on Fish for Fish. And getting involved with your W's friend is not good for your daughter. Since you've decided it's time for you, your next focus is your little girl, not you. This is going to rock her world and it's up to you to smooth it for her. You're a parent, you get to be a single guy second to that. Sucks, but true.
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
Hmmmm.....6 months of dedicated divorce busting. Regardless of what went on. I wonder Fish - if you've actually READ the books? Did you expect that 6 months of your "hard" work would save the marriage and bring you to newlywed status? Don't you think that things that matter, take work, sacrifice, etc. Do you value your family at all? Take her actions out of the equations for now. You don't DB based on your partners actions.
It's sad to me that two weeks ago you thought your marriage was busted and now you're cheating on your wife. You went from yahoo to hey I wonder which one of her friends is available to date....in two weeks. You know what, you SHOULD divorce your wife. Your lack of committment sucks and she deserves better than that, regardless of what she's doing now. And so does your daughter.
You know - things Amy has said to you might strike you wrong because you KNOW they're right. The things we need to hear the most, we generally dislike hearing about ourselves.
So man up or don't. Divorce your wife or don't. Stop freaking cheating on her! You're no better than her so pull yourself off the pedestal now before you fall and get hurt.
I think what's happening here Fish is you're tired. Selfish. And you're forgetting what DB is all about.
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
My final thoughts on this mess. First of all I would commend you to have the courage to walk away from your family and marriage if the decision were made in such a way that justified the action. I don't really know for sure as I don't know you outside of this board. But, me thinks this is the spoiled child in you acting right now.
See I have a great 4 year old, I love that kid in a way that is much different than my 7 year old. My big kid is big and handsome and physical. He is an amazing baseball player, great student, never behaves in a way that would offend or irritate anyone!!! Well my little pup, he is different. He is independent, free, funny, and cute. He is little in every sense of the word, but he is smart.... He is spoiled because he is the little one. W and I know that we spoil him, and we do so at the expense of the big one. But, as we have talked, he has us wrapped around his finger.
So, when little hound is not instantly gratified he is a terror. And not like you would expect, we have raised this child with some sort of feeling of entitlement! So everything that he doesn't get or get his way becomes personal or directly tied to his identity....
Fish, you seem to be no different right now! So, maybe your right it's over and you need to move on. Kudos for the recognition. However, me thinks still that this is more about your personal ego and identity than anything else. You have often made comments that fulfill sterotypes and sometimes your posts and comments are shallow.
Fish - are you shallow and unfullfilled in your life? Are you relating personal success to having a beautiful woman on your arm and nice cars etc? Or is success quantitified by the visceral accomplishments in your life?
Forget for a moment this garbage about another woman, rebound relationship or whatever. What the heck is up with you, friend? I know from my own personal experience what it is like to be shallow, egoistic, and selfish. It nearly cost me my marriage and to be honest I won't know for years if I have truly busted it. I can tell you that my relationship is better than it has ever been because i realized that life is too precious to F with the labels.
Fish, I am a former major college athlete. Most people would be satisfied with that step in life. Not Hound, I had to "create" an alternate life to drive my ego. I have a stunning wife - satisfied - not Hound I cheated. I have a great career - satisfied - Not Hound I used to do everything possible to make myself feel better by trumping up my title or role. Nice cars, expensive trips, clothes you know the drill. All to appear as thought I had made it.
BS pal. All of it. I had not made anything because my family was unfullfilled and unimpressed.
At the end of the day do you know who I am? I am Daddy and it took my 7 years to realize that was the most important title in the world for me! So while my wife was with OM, talking to OM, telling me she was going to be with OM I focused on being daddy. I had two very legitimate opportunities to seek out some physical "therapy" during the seperation and each time I did nothing....
What the heck does this mean for you? If you are sure it's over and you don't have the bandwidth to go on NO ONE on this board has the right to question that decision! But, me thinks that this is more about your bruised ego than anything else! Man up dude, get yourself to a point in life where money, Soprano friends, connetions, vacations, trips, cars yada yada mean nothing!
I think I get this DB sh*t because I care about my family more than anything in the world. And I don't give up even now when W talks to former OM (and she still does) because I know that Daddy is going to be a great man. Not Hound the former athlete, big time professional BS guy!
I care about the people on this board that now get it! There are some here that were missing the point and now are left behind. There are others that were perfect and are left behind as well. But, we can all work on ourselves and make ourselves better. You like my advice because it is centric on approach, stimuluss, and results not because I know sh*t. So listen to me my friend!
Go back to your posts and read your comments and see how at times you appear so superficial... start from there and maybe at the end of your journey there will be an amazing relationship waiting for you either with your W or someone else but hopefully with your D!
Good luck my friend!
Me: 33 jacka** whom lied, stole, cheated, and basically treated DW like crap for years DW: 29 kind soul who gave too much to me over the relationship
S7 S4
M: 7yrs Bomb: 10/19 Seperated: 10/24
The worst reconciliation is better than the best divorce
Hey fish, you say you treated W like a queen and she spit in your face. Guess what, DBing is about finding an approach that works and often what we think should work e.g. Queen treatment doesn't! So you've basically hit a wall in your one and only strategy...that ain't Dbing, my friend. Next, you posted about your new friend "I also know that we absolutely would walk away as friends if the romance faded." I'll bet you thought your M was "absolutely" forever when you got married too, didn't you? Oops! It's your life fish but please live it wisely, the lady will wait for you if she's worth having. 'Nuff said. I wish you the best.
I wish I knew there was a 6 month try period for DB. I should have been divorced well over a year ago! Hmm let's see - bomb in September 06....try 6 months, divorced in February 07 vs July.....
Ah but then I wouldn't have seen him out @ the bar with the girl that he wasn't dating before hand - LOL!
Have fun with your affair fish
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
KS, If you don't get results within 6 months they'll refund the money you put out for the book and you'll get a personal written apology from Michelle Weiner! It's a no lose situation. Now, where did I put that receipt?
I wonder - can I get refunds on all the other books too?!
Is there a clause about how you just try one method?
I think I got mine off of Amazon. You think they keep records that long?! So much time wasted......and that money back could buy me....ummmmmmm lunch for a couple of days.
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
You know I love you guys and we have all been there for each other during the worst of times. I truly wish everyone on the board happiness.
For me the journey ends here. I have made the decision that I no longer wish to work on my marriage and I am getting divorced. Unfortunately, after 6+ months of very hard work, I have come the the realization that my wife is no longer for me. I know that I have flip-flopped many times, but you reach a point where there is no turning back.
My W asked me to come home, told my child that "Daddy was home for life," and then she gave me the boot after 2 weeks. During our 1st 2 weeks back together, she treated me great for a couple of days and then the sh*t started up again. Came home past midnight 3 nights in a row, headed down to FLA for a "business" trip, etc, etc.
Who needs the bullsh*t?
If you reach the tipping point like I did, move on. There are a lot of really nice people in the world who will accept "you" for "you." 50% of the children today will be raised by divorced parents, you can make it work.
