Hi lwb... you are so incedibly strong.. I feel like such a wimp compared to how you are handling this. I also got the big slap in the face last week.. Oddly enough it was the first time stbxh actually told me point blank "I don't want to be with you any longer". I think I might've thanked him for finally saying it.
Do you think that when one spouse grows up and acts mature, the other thinks 'Great! Now I can go back to being a kid and play all the time!"?
Sara, I didn't see this until this morning, but I wanted to say that I think this is exactly right. What kills me is that (in my case), H comes to depend on me for everything and being the responsible one who works everything out. THEN, gets angry with me because I'm not relaxed enough, I don't party enough, I don't let loose like he feels I should, I don't got out with him enough....etc. Well gee, someone has to watch the spending and our child and you sure aren't going to be the one to 1) Find a babysitter & 2) Pay for it.
I'm all for having fun, but there are limits to it too. With my H.....no limits.
SueS
Last edited by SueS; 03/28/0804:04 PM.
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Gypsy!! And you as well. You amaze me with your strength and your ability to push through the pain. Still working on that here.
Journaling:
I am taking the girls to FIL's 80th birthday party today. We won't stay long, I am doing it for the girls. H is working. He said he understood either way (if I wanted to go or not). Keep in mind, H has only told FIL about us and asked him to keep his confidence, so as far as I know, no one else knows. I won't be starting any conversations today, as its not the time, and there will be over 50 people there.
Then, we are going swimming and to mass. Fun day planned here.
H got tears in his eyes last night saying goodnight/goodbye to D3. I didn't make eye contact, just kept busy. Also caught him checking me out. I had to change in front of him (he walked in the room) and was shocked "Are you tanning?" (yes, I am, won 10 free tans lol). I said "Yep, long story, free tans...." as if this kind of stuff goes on all the time. He stammered "I..you...you never tan...well...I mean...it looks good, its just not like you". Kept busy once again.
Next week, H is throwing himself a birthday party at his favorite bar. I was invited, but declined, of course. I am pretty sure a new girl will be there to help him blow his candles out. It will be hard to not be involved in his birthday party (he is coming the next day to celebrate with the girls, we will have cake/light hearted presents). I have made plans so I won't see him the day of his party.
Pushing through the days.......enjoying what I have and working through what has changed.....
That's great you going to the party.. im sure your fil will appreciate it.
Keep the tears coming (sorry I know that's mean) but really what the heck did he expect.. this will soon come crashing down on him. Tanning huh..good for you.. Show him more and more what he is missing!
Throwing himself a party is pretty sad.. but the people who truly care/cared for him won't be there, just superficial people, and that IS SAD.
You are doing great, I know you may not feel like you, you are..
tal
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Throwing himself a party is pretty sad.. but the people who truly care/cared for him won't be there, just superficial people, and that IS SAD.
I see his party as very...odd...selfish...but apparently I never acknowledged his birthdays in the past, and this is his way of taking care of himself. He threw me a huge surprise 30th and 35th party, but when it came time for his parties, I got the "Don't spend the money, I don't need a big party, just you and the girls". But obviously he was thinking another thing. Not fair to me, I am not a mind reader.
ohh I know about the mind reader thing.. it erks me so when they just assume you know what the heck they are thinking!!
If they would just say half of the time what they meant so much could be accomplished!
I think a lot of times the WAS doesn't even know what they mean or want. My H told me last night that he wished I had done this play with him back at the end of late last year; he might not have had the affair maybe, but he said he didn't realize how important it was that I do the play. He told me at the time he didn't care whether I did it or not! If they don't know their own minds, they can't/don't communicate it and we of course aren't (confused) mind readers!!! Karen
Karen
Karen