Great to hear that you had such a nice night. You can expect hell tomorrow though (expect it, then you wont be disappointed!).
You know the way to a girls (my) heart - compliments! I love it!
Great post by bnd - these ones are my favorite for you.
You are going to have to turn a blind eye to her antics and not react, and act as it you don't give a damn.
Pretend she is a room-mate, not your wife.
Be civil, and courteous but do not invade her privacy, or ask her any questions, or ask where she is going.
You are going to make it - if not we can hook up somewhere 1/2 place between your place and mine, which might be a romantic island in the middle of the ocean!
Thanks Essie, good to hear from you. Having a bit of a down day just thinking about all this. Going to lunch with Sister and Mom. They always cheer me up. Last night ended well and this morning was very quite. I think she is a little off base because I went to my L yesterday and came home wit a PMA. Working hard on PMA, not asking questions and detaching.
"Are these babysteps?" No, she's nowhere near ready for that, sorry.
Your W hasn't even begun her journey. In the beginning I too was looking for fast reconcilliation, didn't get it, only more disappointment. Please realize it's a blessing in disquise if they don't "reconcile" quickly because if they do they usually leave again because they weren't ready. Then the LBS gets to deal with disappointment on top of the pain all over again. One day you may be where I am and now and ponder the question of whether you would take them back if they wanted to come home and risk the pain again.
I spent a lot of time researching how long my W's journey might take, mostly on these boards. Very unscientifically I came up with a time frame of 2-5 years. We're 15 months post-bomb now.
The faster you detatch, focus on yourself and GAL the better off you'll be. If you take your ques from your W you'll become a human yo-yo.
Decide what you want and be determined to achieve it.
Don't let anyone (including yourself) sway you from your goal.
Give up hope for a quick reconcilliation.
Do whatever it takes to let her go.
"Hard tasks call for hard ways." Stilgar
Last edited by sleeper; 03/26/0802:33 PM.
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
You are going to make it - if not we can hook up somewhere 1/2 place between your place and mine, which might be a romantic island in the middle of the ocean!
This kind of stuff is totally inappropriate on these boards, and I am sure you can understand why.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Of course I'm only kidding! I've learnt a lot from DB.... The most important thing is to let the man chase the woman and not pursue!. So... Tree there will be no meeting you half way. I'm expecting you to fly all the way to me and turn up on my doorstep with flowers, chocolates, and poetry. I've also learnt to keep my expectations low ;)!!
It's offical. I love you. I think there is room on this board for a little light heartedness but I do understand what BND is talking about. It helps with the pain.
Well no arguements for the last two days. W tried to start after dinner but I took lady Grace's advice and smiled and walked away. Mink told to to emagine I was rubbing oil on a Brazilian babe on the beach when my wife started going off. I am learning from all of you.
Very quite here. No argueing. She decided to argue with the kids instead. For the first time this is starting to effect my S12. Very sad. He is not bad just acting out for the first time ever. The kid is a real sweat heart. W has been very nice since I went to the L on Tuesday.
I think we are done. I asked her for some checks to pay bills from our joint account and she went ballistic. Saying that is why I am Ding you. Calling me names and everything. All I asked for was some checks. I am really concerned for this is really starting to effect the kids.
Bad news. I think I will stay away from the house today.
You are still early in all this. She sounds like she may be in the anger stage, if so you will recieve spew no matter what you say or do. This is difficult to deal with because you will tend to evaluate her actions rationally and there is nothing rational about her actions. That's one reason you will hear people advising detatchment.
Mine would get furious at me all the time, no matter what I said or did and would say, "that's why we are getting a divorce." If I did something wonderful for her she would say, "that's why we're getting a divorce, because you should have done that long ago."
It aint about you.
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
