I first started to turn around when he went overseas without me for a month and barely contacted me. He had gone the year before for a month but we spoke and emailed everyday the year before. Having the space from him and him not seeming to care really made me realize that I wasn't so comfortable with the thought of living my life without him.
Then I really turned around when he dropped the bomb and realized that I needed to make some changes. I furthermore realized that I was in love with him and hadn't fallen out of love at all like I previously thought.
I have been playing nurse maid still. He seems to be making plans for all kinds of trips, Mexico, Greece, New York. And making plans for more people to stay at our house as he has several times since the bomb. My coach suggested several alternatives to "stir the pot", but said to be cautious b/c any of the alternatives could save my marriage or undue the progress I have made. It's a guessing game as to what will work. I have thought of filing, for real not to the phantom filer like he did. The threat of divorce was all I needed, but I left him in the first place so that is why we are here now. I fear that will only show him my lack of commitment yet again.
Last edited by HOPEFULinCALI; 03/22/0804:29 PM.
Posts Role Reversal(original) WAW now LBS part I & II WAW now LBS part III(current) T: 9 yrs M: 8 yrs WAW: Sep 06-Jul 07 LBS: Sep 07-pres.
i don't think that would work. stir the pot maybe but that might set you back. I've thought of that also, but since that is something I do not want, I just cannot see this as an option. Would seem you would have to go through with it. And furthermore, do you think they are going to be happy or run to you. I think mine would be either great things are moving along or mad. Neither of those options work for me. Just 2 cents.
Quote:
I fear that will only show him my lack of commitment yet again.
it'd be hard to convince myself of something other than that exact thought. Especially with the role reversal.
I was down this morning when I posted, but had three more good interactions/conversations with WAW. I say this only to tell you, really look at the time you are spending with him and get your feelings from that. Don't look at trips, Facewhatever site, or other people, etc. that all brings you down. Look at the time you are with him and focus on that. Otherwise, you do like me, knock yourself off of a positive pedestal and start falling into that negative pit.
Did you have an EA/PA? Mine had one in July and afterwards came home. I truly believe that she started on in Dec and left in Jan. She pushed the divorce real hard and will be final in two weeks. I believe that the MM told her, that if she got hers he would get his. We will see how that goes.
Had good interaction with her today, funny thing she still calls me 'baby' 'sweetie' and 'honey' during casual conversation, by habit I think.
Me 38 Her 31 Daughter 3
Dated 5 yrs Married 7 PA Bomb 7/26/07 Sep 1 9/1/07 Sep 2 1/5/08
I am happy to hear of your good interaction with your W. I would think it is positive that your W calls you sweetie, baby, honey. When I left I stopped calling him terms of endearment immediately and he to me when he left me.
Posts Role Reversal(original) WAW now LBS part I & II WAW now LBS part III(current) T: 9 yrs M: 8 yrs WAW: Sep 06-Jul 07 LBS: Sep 07-pres.
Last question for today...lol. WAW is sharing things such as taking me 30 yards to her car to show me what clothes she bought 5D. But she didn't mention, comment, whatever, about my new vehicle. So, is that a part of the process also? She is sharing unnecessary things about her, but not asking about me.
LOL. Posting here helps keep me on track. I am inclined to say that the friendship will come along in time, drop by drop if you will, and not in a steady stream or wave. This is my experience. She is opening up to you. Now she is sharing things with you. First this now that then a full blown frienship and on and on till their is a recommitment to your marriage.
Thx for your questions and support. I only wish I understood a little bit more about why I did what I did and how to overcome it.
Posts Role Reversal(original) WAW now LBS part I & II WAW now LBS part III(current) T: 9 yrs M: 8 yrs WAW: Sep 06-Jul 07 LBS: Sep 07-pres.
As a woman, what do you think about her pushing the D. Would you see that as finality? She says that she is 'never coming home' and 'doesn't see us together in the future' She has told me that I am a great man, father, provider and she finds me attractive but doesn't love me the way that she should to be married to me. I think that these words come from her involvement with OM but was wondering your point of view. I know that everyone is different as is every sitch.
Me 38 Her 31 Daughter 3
Dated 5 yrs Married 7 PA Bomb 7/26/07 Sep 1 9/1/07 Sep 2 1/5/08
Just saw your note to me. I'd been going through a bleak period, but am doing better now.
In a very simplistic way, I don't understand why or how this is happening.. perhaps it's denial on my part. Although I only have the opportunity for minimal contact with H (when he comes to pick up the kids for dinner one night a week) I'm not home usually because of a meeting I'm in at that time.
But.. tomorrow is Easter. D13 wanted to make sure there was an Easter hunt. I filled 4 eggs each with individual notes, clues etc. Each of the boys (22 and 17) hid the eggs of the other (in the most evil devious places) and both hid the eggs for my daughter (13). No one gets their prizes until all the eggs are found. This should be fun.
Hope your holiday is happy with lots of bunny hops.. Thanks for thinking of me.. it means a lot.
...friendship will come along in time, drop by drop if you will...
that's a wonderful analogy. Thanks again. You are such a big help. Gonna be down to 1 contact a week after today b/c of new schedule. No telling if that is good. DB coach either this or next week. Just depends.
