well H came back with kids I set a boundry (he will forget but it felt so good and empowering to do) feel like I walk on egg shells to not rock boat and Im getting to point that I dont care anymore I am standing but further away and I have to remind myself my new stand I am focusing on my new life. H is not part of it If he returns or should want to I will consider If he doesnt I will be prepared I want my kids with me My D 12 cried tonight about her abandonment and her anger toward H she is very in touch with it and was honest I am grateful I could be there It is a true blessing she came out the other side looking freer and less buredened I understand the process as I have grieved H already and Im almost done and free myself I will still continue to pray that God would intervene here as we will need a miracle to repair this mess and it may not be repairable(H) I will pray god to lead me to the best decisions for my family and myself thank you all for your continued support peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
peace, Glad to hear that your daughter was able to bring her emotions and hurt out in the open with you. I hope you find peace as you seek God's guidance. -PH
I want to share what D12 said with H doesnt he have the right to hear the truth How he is affecting her? She will one day reveal her hurts to him and she has to some degree a few months ago told him how this hurts her maybe he needs to hear it again as he lives in denial
instead of the lies he tells himself that this is ok? he needs to know truth again what do you think Why does he get off the hook? while I hold the ship together peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
instead of the lies he tells himself that this is ok? he needs to know truth again what do you think Why does he get off the hook? while I hold the ship together
I know it's hard. I think the reason you're holding the ship is because you are the stronger one, at least now while he is going through his crisis. I too wish I don't have to be the strong one. But it is what it is. When I accept it, it becomes easier for me to deal with my situation. -PH
well I said a few things today when he came I didnt plan on it, but one thing lead to another and it all came put How I feel, my hurt and pain he has caused and how the children cry to me I didnt ask him to come back I simply told him how this has affected me and it was all truth that ive been holing back for the past 14 months I also said how I feel He is running and will not find what he whats he will only see himself face to face again when he stops his run well Needless to say, he didnt agree with me said he felt controlled in our M and he could never do what he wanted???? he said he lost himself..probably true as I did too I may have been controlling , but I always gave him lots of room to go as he wished I then said I see what I did wrong in out M and I agreed we did have problems in our M but we could have worked it out
He then said this is why he left..and I agreed now he knows why he left and this can remind him! OK I backslid! he got angrier and asked me to leave I said THIS is my house you can leave kids started crying he told them to come with him and they did
I spoke with a older friend after to sort it all out
I decided to leave him a VM to apologize as she suggested
I told him perhaps I said some things in an angry way and I needed to apologize for that but then told him I have been hurt by this and have also been holding this back for over a year and it all just came out I also said on VM I do not want to blame or criticize him for his choices as he did what he felt was right for him
this outburst was uncontrollable as I have held back and zipped it for so long and pretended all this time and no none of it has been ok I am ok though and maybe this will push him to make a choice maybe he has to go and I can not pretend anymore maybe something has to change even for the worse Maybe I needed to tell him my truth whether he hears me or not
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
I was so afraid to tell my ex my feelings. I thought it would push him away. It actually helped I think. As time goes on, they listen just a little more. It sinks in just a little bit more. They will not admit this, but it does.
Peace I think you did great.
You need to get some of those feelings out.
He needs to take responsibility and ownership of what he has done.
Only apologize if you did something wrong, but don't apologize for how you feel.
They all say the spouse was controlling - very classic.
We all are controlling at some times.
His choices were wrong.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
T Thanks for saying that as I do not know if this will negativily affect my situation I need to worry less about it I anm so tired and I need to be myself around him again the new me Upbeat at times happy with my life and real real again Your right he made poor choices and we will never be ok with them peace when he dropped the kids off I was here and just about to leave dressed nice with makeup I go country dancing saturdays and have made new friends too I asked if he got my VM he said NO he asked me not to talk or say anything or he would leave he didnt want another confrontation and looked sad or exhausted anyway as I left I said this was our problem we never talked about things in our M he said you never listened! It is 14 months and I am ready to listen..let me know when he wants to talk he will avoid me for the next week or so and then act as if nothing happened is my guess he isnt ready as he is stil;l in denial and wants to believe its ok to leave maybe it is? people do it all the time leave M trade M whatever I believe he will not find what he is looking for until he goes to God and within I will try to let it all go I said what I did maybe he heard probably not time will tell I am not afraid of losing him now peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
I certainly had things to say to my former Mrs. My marriage wasn't saved, but I don't fee; bad that I got things off my chest. And believe me, I was much more judgmental than you were. But hey, I feel good today.
