I will be divorced on Monday!! I am trying desperately to reframe my attitude!! I know I will be ok! I know I deserve someone who cherishes me! I know I tried my best! By moving from wife to friend, I am actually moving up on the scale of importance in H's life. Yesterday we were at the cemetary for my MIL and it was there that I decided I needed to bury my tears once and for all. I know it's not that easy, but at least around H I need to present a happy disposition. I am starting my happiness journal today.
Mattie I think what you are doing is a fantastic idea. When you are blue and you will be then start reading it. Sorry I do not wish what you are going through to anyone so we realize it's not easy. However if you are wise what does not kill you makes you stronger and your approach is wise.
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
I remember when I was days away from my D. I just allowed myself to be sad (and angry). I didn't fight it and pampered myself.
And a wise poster posted to me and said that the actual D was anticlimatic compared to all the post bomb drama. And he was right. I did not go to court myself - only the petitioner has to be present in Illinois.
Make sure you plan to be with a good friend right after the D.
You have children with STBX so you may not be able to do this... I allowed myself to descend to totally fulfiling and satisfying juvenile behavior. I spent the two days after the D shredding every single picture of The X! There were posters that nicknamed me The Shredder!
If this type of thing works for you, see if you can find an equally satisfying ritual.
You will be fine. The D will give you closure and you will move on. You are young and you have a lifetime ahead of you - it will be different than you expected but you will feel joy w/o any sadness again someday. I promise - I never make idle promises.
I wish I felt amazing!!! I wish my H would just say he was sorry and admit that he played a major role in our failed marriage. I wish he didn't have a girlfriend and he wasn't taking her to Mexico for spring break. I wish I could just fast forward to a happier time. I wish I hadn't said yes to going to a friend's for Easter dinner for I'd really like to just crawl back into bed and stay there all day!
Hope everyone has a more cheerful day! Happy Easter!!! Thanks for the support!!!
Hi Mattie We maybe not always close by but most of us been in your shoes (my feet still hurt I got big feet) and we hate to see anyone going through it.
Post D day 1 I was asked out to lunch by a georgous lady 15 years my junior and I was too shell shocked to carry on an intelligent conversation. Not due to her looks but I could not carry a conversation with anyone. Needless to say I never saw her again which I knew was going to happen. Oh well no worries the sun did rise in the east day 2 post D.
My guess is you want to do is to get the pain the heck away from you and what you want to be is the vision you had before this mess started. A suggesion is to write the following down as a side note to your happiness journal.
A challenge is to start with a page, then reduce the verbage to a paragraph, and again reduce it to a sentence while keeping the original meaning intact. This will simplify the vision and sharpen your focus. Though it is not where you want to be it is an opportunity and let your imagination run with it.
If you can get competing visions of different areas. Then compare pros and cons. You are limited by walls that you build and a few other things (If you have Parkinsons we do not suggest to be a brain surgeon)however most limitations are self created in the toughest place your mind.
If things remain the same in your personal life with others what do you want to be within 5 years. This is not specific (I wanna be 10 lbs lighter) but a generalized vision of how you want others to see you and is equal to how you see yourself.
You do not have to stay true to that vision trust me it will change but it's a start. Many selp help books and solutions state (let's go) prior to a knowledge of where you want to be thus much time, money, and energy is wasted going really fast nowhere.
I'm alone this Easter as many other holidays and birthdays however that is not always a bad thing. My Marines are taking care of business and so far staying out of trouble
In dealings with others here or in person I may modify some behavior toward some but the basis of what, who, and how I am pretty much remains the same. That is the basis of success not the results of what others say or do but how myself is comfortable with the lifestyle and results. Comfortable means knowing one is doing what they consider the rightest (it's all grey never totally black and white) thing and doing their best to become there.
It's a vision for 5 years from now you will be able to say 'I yam what I yam' and be comfortable with it. The actual endpoint is always changing and as sharp as a jellyfish body so do not worry about the 'AH HAH I'M THERE' moment.
The joy is in the journey and we know the starting location is not happytown. It's not easy cause if it was this bb would not exist however it is worth it.
Keep ventin and never give up. You will do well even if you do not feel like it right now and You am what you am.
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
Well, I AM glad you said yes to your friends offer! hope you have a stomach ache from eating too much I know I do! my silly family made too much desert and we were crackign up that we couldnt' stomach my brother's banana pudding,we lol' so hard!
Earlier in the day H took kids to inlaws, first time i dont' go along, i stayed to clean the house and had a pb&j sandwich. Next year I will go somewhere, do something for others. H always scoffed at me for wanting to go to a soup kitchen to help on the holidays, well, next year guess where I'll be?
Hugs))))))))))) hope you had a good Easter luv, to remember the point of this holiday, that His tomb is empty, that by believing we have accepted his gift of new eternal life.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I know I do! my silly family made too much desert and we were crackign up that we couldnt' stomach my brother's banana pudding,we lol' so hard!