I need alittle help with this one It seems that my S 15 has conveyed to my W that his intentions are to stay with me moving on to my next base and my W wants me to decide if the children are going to stay with me or not so she knows what size of house to get. I have always told them that since she has only been out of the house for two weeks to not make a decision until later or until they are sure of what they want. I just don't know what do do.....what to tell my W?
Any help or advice would be great, I am just so confused.
My sitch is on my signature....
Me 36 W 36 S 15 D 12 M 16 Bomb Nov 07 WAS Feb 08 My Sitch http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1376213&page=0&fpart=1
boy! she is pushing it! Even if the kids dont' live with her won't they need a place to come over on the days they'll see her? on summer, vacations, etc etc?
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I think you tell her that you don't know what the kids are going to do. (Since you don't.) So, she'll just have to do what she thinks is best. Let her figure it out. It isn't your problem.
I agree. I don't know what the children are going to do and as for her getting a place for just her then that will have to be her decision. Although Iwill not leave the children with her if she does not have enough room for them. They are older and will need a space in each house that they can call there own.
The whole thing that sparked this conversation about the kids staying with me or her was my father(who rarely talks to the children) was online one day and talked to the children and took my D12 shopping online and also offered to do the same with my S15. After which both were really excited that they got to spend some quality time talking to their grandpa and conveyed this to thier mother who in turn attacked me and accused my father of trying to buy thier affection and convince them to stay with me.
This is absurd, I have always told the children that they will have the choice when they want to decide but as for now and being overseas that they have time to think about what they want.
In the end I know that I am the parent and that I will make the decision that I think is best for them depending on the living sitch that my W has set up. I know that the children and my W may not like the decsion but if it is what is best for the children then I am ready and willing to fight that fight.
Me 36 W 36 S 15 D 12 M 16 Bomb Nov 07 WAS Feb 08 My Sitch http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1376213&page=0&fpart=1
It sounds to me.. your W may be starting to feel guilty about not taking a larger and more parenting role in this decision with you, or she could be feeling guilty about her past decisions and is now trying to take it out on you. My advice would be to remain as up-beat as you can, as short as you can with W (execpt for the issues on your children), tell her the kids are going to stay with you and she can come see them or talk to them whenever she wants. If she becomes angry or irate, tell her you will talk to her when the two of you can discuss things calmly and hang up. At some point she will realize that "the grass is not as green on the other side."(at least thats what Im hopeing in my situation) Hand in there man Beleive me I know it's rough. But on the bright side you do still have your kids. Take that and use it for the strenght and courage you need to get through this. You will make it. Keep your head and keep writing.
I agree with you I felt that when she attacked my father the way she did that it was uncalled for but I understand how she is feeling like I had said in my sitch this is the first time that she has been away from the children in sixteen years. i am just going to wait this out.
Me 36 W 36 S 15 D 12 M 16 Bomb Nov 07 WAS Feb 08 My Sitch http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1376213&page=0&fpart=1
After reading your sitch, it seems like you have asked several questions which you may or may not have received any anwsers/advice for. If this is true why don't you try posting some of them again so that all of us know what has or has not been anwsered. Keep up the DBing!
One question that I do have is she seems to be wanting to split the kids up when I come back to the United States in September. When she left here she agreed that we would not split up the kids that it was important for them to be together.
It seemd that she has changed this view since my S15 had expressed his intention to stay with me. Last night during a chat with my wife she proceeded to tell me about the schools that she had visited( due to her little sister being in like 6 grade, They went to a function) she said that the school were good and that she just knew that my daughter would love it there.
I know I still have five months until I return to the states but all of this is super frustrating.
Me 36 W 36 S 15 D 12 M 16 Bomb Nov 07 WAS Feb 08 My Sitch http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1376213&page=0&fpart=1
You absolutely cannot look 5mos down the road. You'll just stress yourself, and worry for nothing. Face the here and now. Tomorrow, next month, 5 months, so much can change.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
I agree that so much can change in that time frame. Take it one day at a time. I don't think she really wants to split the kids up, most likely since S15 wants to stay with you, she does not want to try and force the subject of him comeing as well. Eventhough she does not want to split them up, she still needs the comfort of her children and may have just compromised with herself.
