WIfe Has left

[ammojmc]

As for my goals:

1. I want to get the kids to a place that I am able to leave them at the house alone for about two and half hours until I get off work.

2. I want to be able to inspire change in the children that will do nothing but benefit them in the future.

3. I want to work on the things that I did that was destructive to the marriage. a.) not stepping up and helping out more b.)always trying to control how or when we did something and listen more to her ideas and suggestions.

4. I would like to work on things that will be positive towards our first meeting when the children and I go back to the United States.

These are just some of the things that I would like to accomplish. As for the first and second I think I have a real good start on but this is the first time in 16 years that they have had to be there with out an adult there. And I also know that it is just the begining but I am seeing that they like the fredom abit and have tried pushing the boundries abit but I expect that.

When it comes to the third I got it full throttle because in order to take care of the children I have to maintain the house. It is a huge learning curve for me because my W took care of almost all of it for us. So although I am not as proficient at it as her... I think I am holding my own pretty well. Although now I am supper tired when I get home from work and such.

I really haven't thought too much on the fourth because I know that it is supper early in the separation and I know that things could change in a hurry so... I am open to suggestions on this one since I have about 6 months to figure out what will work the best.

[ammojmc]

Well thing are getting a little tough with the kids they don't seem like they want to get up in the morning and get ready for school...moving slow and such. I try to keep a positive outlook but for right now it just doesn't seem to be enough for them to get motivated I know I need to wait this out that they will catch on.

This mornig I was alittle upset at my W, she had sent emails to the children telling them that she misses them and it has been a couple of days since she had talked to them. Then proceeded to tell my son that she knows he spends alot of on the computer playing one of his games and tells him that he could take two minutes to send her an email to let her know what is going on with him and his sister.

This bothers me for a couple of reasons.

First she only has dial up back in the United States and she is hardly online to begin with.

And second I always make sure that they are checking to see if she is online to chat to or something like that. I encourage them to write emails but they choose to do other things instead...i.e games, my space and such

Third I have sent her messages my self just telling her that if she has the time I would like to let her know what has been going on....All of which has been ignored, except in the first couple of days when the kids would tell her to talk to me.

Is the messages I am sending too much like pressure? I am not persueing just want to let her know what is going on with the children....but she seems to choose not to talk with me.

[ammojmc]

About the above

How do I confront her about what she said to my son?

Should I set a boundry and let her know that he is just a kid and he is only doing what he wants to do.

Do I let her know what I am doing to ensure that the children are looking for her online.

I mean these things are difficult when you have to deal with a different time zone and such a get distance( Turkey-----> US)

[ammojmc]

Well still waiting on my books to get here . was able to talk to my W the other day and we agreed to meet online once a week to dicuss the kids and keep eachother up to speed with things going on. Will be avoiding r talks as much as possible I have started reading Love languages very good read. Now I just have to figure out my W language. Could be difficult with the distance but I am going to do the best I can.

[ammojmc]

Well just trying to figure out where to go from her now that my W has put a limit on how much we will be talking and such. It kind of gets me upset because she only wants to talk to the children and I think she doesn't fully understand that when it comes to the children it has to be a team effort on our part.

Any ideas on how to make the most of our time talking online together?

[ammojmc]

Well I recieved my books today and I can't wait to start reading them.

[ammojmc]

Okay started reading my books and I am just getting through the basic stuff about the different types of counseling and learning about that stuff. Hopefully the meat and potatoes comes soon.

Well after reading some more of the post here I know that I should be extremely gratefull that my W is going to talk to me even if it is just one day a week. I will just focus on me and GAL. Continue to direct all my extra energy into my children. which seems to be working it may be a little early to tell but I have noticed that my children are starting to get along a little better. Time is the key and I definately have plenty of that.

[ammojmc]

This morning was really hard it is D12 birthday and she had to share it with her mother over the internet. I am so frustrated at the fact she had to do that. She was upset this morning because she had to read an ecard from her mother that was super sad. I just want to tell my W that. I know I shouldn't and I am fighting the urge but this really got to me.

[ms ladybug]

Happy Birthday to your daughter. I can only imagine how hard this is for your kids. My own parents sep when I was 12 - it's a difficult age as it is.

I just can't stop thinking that somehow your wife will come to her senses and want to be a mom and wife again...something's missing from this sitch...I don't know what.

[ammojmc]

Thank you, My D 12 had a blast on her b day she really enjoyed the gift that my W bought for her, it was a little tough watching her share it with her over the internet net but we muddled through it. I know that age 12 is a difficult age to deal with the sitch. And I am holding on to hope that one dayy my W will want to come back and be a mother and a wife. I have not spoken to her in about a week. I am GALing......taking care of the house and the kids, working....getting out on the week ends when I can doing things with the kids and waiting to hear from my W.