IMP, I do not get your style yet, I will at some point. I think the problem is we all want the same thing, but we are so dead set on looking for the negatives that none of us focus on what it will actually take to correct the problem.
Maybe you really need to read my posts. Go read my posts to kissak. Read my posts to Bambam. Read my posts to cagzmom. Read my posts to beginner's mind. Go read them. And then come back and tell me I am negative. My style is simple. I see something. I say something. No BS. I see someone make the same mistakes over and over. I am going to say so.
Again, Ian, if that is what you think of me, you just aren't reading what I am saying.
Holly ... you lil lurker you. I know you think you are hiding behind that pole, but ... well, I think I see your assets shaking to the music.
CharlieG ... very nice.
There are several Survivors that hate to see anyone having to fight a MLCer for their M. Standing is so hard to do in the face of an A or OP. Toss in MLC and it becomes a wonder anyone survives, or stands. But thank God some do, and some reconcile, and it gives hope to the multitudes that made a second home here or lurk in search of direction. I wish we could reach out more, but the journey does take a toll and going back to the other threads can sometimes bring back bad memories.
I have written and then deleted several posts here lately. Pondering ... will this one end in (Delete)? I don't want to be unfair or post in anger. Isn't that what we learned to do with the WAS? Write down the pain and anger, then throw it away and let it go. I recall that we also preach Patience. Believe me when I say I've searched for patience.
Some changes to the MLC forum have been troubling to see. Some changes may have been appropriate. I have no idea how and when the Laws Of The MLC Forum suddenly dictated that a select few would "know" what is best for so many. Maybe they do. Maybe they would have been nice to have around a few thousand posts ago. Maybe if during recent months and years here, we had seen real time examples of SolutionJournals and core DB principles changing the outcome for more MLC LBSes ... we wouldn't be having these discussions. Just an observation. I embrace "better late than never" when done well. Yes, patience please.
So where are we? I understand the current mantra is "change". Ok
A sudden burst of change has appeared where there was a void. It has been surprising, and unsettling. There has been housekeeping of the forum, banning members, and restoring of some misplaced DB principles. We were confused when the forum software and color scheme changed but we adjusted. Now we find the banning confusing and even hurtful. Why this one? Why not that one? I would have voted if I had known, maybe twice. We didn't even know that we had forsaken DB principles. Please list the pages so we can look them up and help others find their way. Please highlight the ones that are most affective when dealing with MLC. Were they in a special section we missed? And then there is the approval vs disapproval of individuals who are the only ones that can know if the time has come for them to change the direction of their own journey.
Camps are forming between those that approve of this but not that. We like that one but not this one. And it must all be someone's fault. Yes, I think it is.
"Ours"
We are the only ones that can sort things out for the best and adjust. Would we have ever have come to this forum if we saw all this unhappiness? How could we have expected to find useful support in all this? How can we expect to offer any?
I'm amazed at so much change in the MLC FORUM. I have read that is was a disaster and needed it. I know some say it was working fine for them before. Clearly not all votes are equal here. We have been told and then reminded that Michele owns this domain name and the books we all looked to for help. Her rules. Someone gets to moderate in the name of her rules. Someone gets to say "Great" and someone gets to say "Dang". Makes me say "Potato". Where's it all going? Thinking .... (Delete)... no, not yet.
Standing vs Not Standing. Please post a reference to Michele's DB pages that say there is only one right answer so we can clear that up in good DB fashion.
Inferences have been made that MLC is an excuse used to avoid proper DBing. Inferences have been made that the very existence of MLC is unlikely and most of these WAS just wanted out. Someone says accept it, suck it up, and get over it. Is that some kind of DB support? If this forum is supposed to be getting cleaned up and redirected to core DB principles, fine. Please reference Michele's DB pages that say MLC doesn't exist and believing it does will certainly get you stuck in a hopeless limbo of your own making so we can clear that up. Change the forum name to ThereIsNoSuchThingAsMidlifeCrisis. Michele, please take all references to it out of the DB/DR books so we can clear that up. Or perhaps, share the pages that say when we are supposed to suck it up and get over it, cuz I'm confused.
If there is such a thing as MLC and there are only certain situations where it warrants someone having a thread here, maybe the moderator could pin the rules up so we can clear that up. Please include the requirements and limitations for Standing so we can make it a less devisive subject. Maybe believing in MLC gives some folks a perspective in their situation that offers them some kind of hope. Maybe no more or no less than in the case of a more classic WAS. Still, something they find here makes sense to them in their new life of "facing MLC head on". Unless of course, they can't find the articles they were told to go read at the beginning of the forum. Thinking .... (Delete)... no, not yet.
Not til I finally ask this question. "Exactly" what was not DB appropriate on the MLC threads or with the banned members, and "Exactly" what do the moderator(s) know from attending Michele's workshops that Michele says can be applied specifically to DBing most effectively through a MLC? Isn't that the name of the forum? Inquiring minds think answers would help clear the air.
Dang ... (Submit) got in the way of (Delete) ... sorry.
RCR, I don't think you are getting it. Please... Be Still. Take a backseat. Lay low for a while. My advice to you was sincere. Please let the horns of this bull go. You have been allowed to come back to the board, you can post again. Stick to sharing what is going on with Sweetheart, rather then telling the rest of us what we should be doing. Maybe ask others to offer some advice as to what you should be doing with your own relationship problems.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Faith, there's not a scripture written that will encompass all that is going on this board and in it's undercurrents.
But good on you for trying
What has happened here?
Here of all places.
This place that taught me , that even tho Javier left me, I was going to be ok.
This place that was a blanket, for me and so many others.
This place where i have met some of the best people I know.
This place where I met someone and realized that after everything i have been thru, i can fall in love again.
I understand about the banning, and the deleting of posts.
I understand that should not of taken place.
But I also understand that this VERY same place, is the place that taught me to try to forgive, and not judge.
What happend to all that the we have learned?
Have we been all lying to ourselves, and to our friends here?
Do we really only post the "script" and not mean it.
I for one know people personally from this board that have really embraced this journey, and have really made a choice to 'change" for the better.
So, when i see all this judgement, and bickering, in some way, it discredits the wonderful people that have really made an effort.
B/c if the newbies see this disregard that we are now having for our selves? then how can they trust anything we say to them?
Bill and Deb, I am behind you 100 percent. Did I think that way, when i first came here. No way.
But in time, I saw different, shoot, it even happend to me, as it was posted on this very thread.
After all the shite we have been thru, to now be upset, or feel like we can't take advice from someone that is divorced, or now getting married to someone else, is just crazyness.
We all came here together, now after some time. Some are still standing, some are divorced, some are just finding their own groove.
That is what a family is about, you kind of spread your wings, and go on with your life.
How dare we not respect that?
How dare we judge?
I am divorced, and never in a million years thought that would happen. But it does not mean that I am a failure. It does not mean that I wouldn't be able to help someone else, and it doesn't mean that God loves me any less.
WE all have been blessed with each other. I tend to have the same friends I have had for the past 20 years or so.
So I would think for it to be the same with the friends I have made here.
I can not preach about standing or not standing. I believe it is very personal.
I believe that no one should be attacked if they decide to step down.
I will help who I can stand for as long as they can, as long as they are not standing for abuse. As long as that fine line has not been crossed.
So God-willing the suggestions we put in here, will help create again, that wonderful "safe" feeling, that so many people have felt, when they came here.
I pray that the suggestions that are put in here, not only direct the way the forum should "look" but also direct the way the forum should feel.
We are adults here, so why is it when we should ban together the most, we are pulling us apart.
Yes I am one of the sensitive ones, but i can take a 2x4 when needed and welcome it in fact.
My style is to be a hand holder, a person that helps thru love and hugs and smooches, and prayers.
But I am relieved that AmyC , or Ian, come up behind me and throw out some tuff love,to the same person.
I am happy that Bworl, and Deb can tell people that thru the midst of hell, they can rejoice in true love again, and that maybe, just maybe, that true love might find someone else.
I am glad that BND,and Jack can say that they have been thru hell, and now can talk about a new set of hell, and smiles while piecing.
I am happy, that Always 14, and Althea and I can post about being divorced, and becoming stronger women. I am happy that we can post that this mess did not kill us.
So may others can bring so much to the table.
Let us keep that flow.
Let us keep that love.
Let us keep that respect.
Last edited by Lissie; 03/06/0802:49 AM.
Live Simply Love Generously Care Deeply Speak Kindly Leave the rest to God
IMP, I do not get your style yet, I will at some point. I think the problem is we all want the same thing, but we are so dead set on looking for the negatives that none of us focus on what it will actually take to correct the problem.
Maybe you really need to read my posts. Go read my posts to kissak. Read my posts to Bambam. Read my posts to cagzmom. Read my posts to beginner's mind. Go read them. And then come back and tell me I am negative. My style is simple. I see something. I say something. No BS. I see someone make the same mistakes over and over. I am going to say so.
Again, Ian, if that is what you think of me, you just aren't reading what I am saying.
IMP
IMP, start by reading what I wrote hear. I said nothing about your other posts. I have a great deal of respect for you and what you have to say. I was speaking only of this thread. Harness that incredible talent you have and focus on what we do to make it better rather than the judgment tossed out in your earlier posts on THIS thread.
I am not trying to get on your asss, I am trying to say lets start the healing. It's going to take people like you and I to lead and show that we can make the outcome of all of this mess a positive one. Forget the bad stuff my friend, lets make this better rather than worse.
I am leading the way. When everyone else was bitching, moaning, and complaining, I was posting and continue to post to about 10 other threads to the people on this board looking for help. This is a thread which should have never started, so if anyone needs to start the healing all we have to do is look to the top.
