The Suggestion Box

[Rollercoasterider]

The recent discord on the board has been a sad and troublesome experience for many. I am starting this thread to encourage a positive and professional dialogue where we can offer suggestions along with CONSTRUCTIVE criticism if it is needed.
Perhaps it is an irony, but I am not against banning--when it is warranted. Many will find valid the banning/deletions of the poster who made threats of a lawsuit because his posts were being deleted and encouraged others to support him.
But what of the more subtle cases?
There can sometimes be a fine line between meanness or rudeness and tough love. Some posters cross the line and become hurtful. What then? Perhaps if an entire post is mean the decision is easier.

• What about when some things are nasty and some things are neutral.
• What about when a poster makes nasty personal remarks to another poster that are not related to DB'ing.
• What if the poster does that in the middle of a post that is about DB'ing?
• What about slander?
• What is to be done when a poster offers appropriate support to some and singles others out for nastiness?

AmyC martyred herself for me and others. I hope she doesn't stay away. But her actions were deliberate and she felt nothing else would work, it seems that the DB organization even understands this since she was warned rather than banned.

I have asked the DB administrators to post the DB rules of conduct agreed upon when registering in this thread. If others feel it would be beneficial, search similar forums and post their rules here for comparison.

What is the purpose of DB and this forum--MLC?

The premise of this whole board is to use Michele's DB principles. While you are not happy with it...that is the SOLE purpose of the board....to offer each other brainstorming solutions and get support.

Do you agree?
I do not. That statement failed to mention anything about relationships. Here is what I think regarding our purpose.
The purpose of this board is to help people with their relationship problems. The main focus in seeking solutions is the principles as outlined in the books serving as the flagship for this site: Divorcebusting and Divorce Remedy. Divorcebusting is about Solution-Oriented Brief Therapy. Michele did not create the concept and sites numerous sources. Two Main Themes

• Do What Works
• If something is not working, Do Something Different

At times, the things that is different is not outlined in Divorcebusting, it may come from one of Michele's primary sources, or from somewhere else. But looking exclusively to Michele's books for specific strategies is ironically not consistent with DB principles.
What are your thoughts regarding our purpose?
Do you have ideas for creating a mission statement for these boards?
How about a mission statement specific to this forum? Or should there be a different (though related) mission statement?

What can we do to make our community a safe place for us to both find and offer help?

I will start by listing a few of my ideas.

• First, I regret to say that I feel sgctxok should not moderate this forum. It is not my intent to discredit or insult her. Even if she apologizes and returns to her former moderating methods, many in this forum, myself included, no longer trust her. She has destroyed her reputation and credibility with us. Can that be built back? Perhaps. But not right now. The series of bannings are not the only concern. Many posters have questioned her knowledge of assisting those dealing with the specifics of MLC.
  Should the MLC moderator be one with MLC experience either as an LBS or MLCer?
• Recreate an MLC Resources Sticky
• Create A DB Resources Sticky
  Include in this sticky topic: links to DB and KLA and other Topic threads
• Acting As If
• Baby Steps
• Detachment
• Last Resort & 180
• What You Focus On Expands
• Getting a Life: What to Do, How, Why...
• Some don't like all of the light-jokey threads...so how about a special forum for fun release--with a folder link in each forum, or a separate folder with these threads.
• Solution Journals: Can we try putting these in their own folder?
  But regardless, let's give them a chance!
  Administrators: Can you offer a poll on the effectiveness of these after about three months?
• Is there a Newbie Greeting Club?
  I don't know what such a thing would entail or if it would be beneficial...but what are you're your thoughts?
• Technical Issue
  If a post is written in Word and pasted into the box, some characters will not translate--apostrophes (’), quotes (“”), elipses (…)and em dashes (—) come to mind. I have to retype them in the posting box. Can this be remedied?
  
  So let's hear your ideas. What is working and what isn't working? How can we make this place better?
  
  RCR

[lawless]

I regret to say that I feel sgctxok should not moderate this forum. It is not my intent to discredit or insult her. Even if she apologizes and returns to her former moderating methods, many in this forum, myself included, no longer trust her. She has destroyed her reputation and credibility with us. Can that be built back? Perhaps. But not right now. The series of bannings are not the only concern. Many posters have questioned her knowledge of assisting those dealing with the specifics of MLC.
Should the MLC moderator be one with MLC experience either as an LBS or MLCer?


RCR

I agree with this statement completely.

My only suggestion would be that the Mod or Mods for this forum would be someone who has specifically dealt with MLC either as a MLCer or the LBS of an MLCer.


This board is a very different animal as I have said in the past, MLC and it's associated behaviors don't end with a D and many who have been D or are on their way to a D with a MLCer NEED this board as a resource.

A person without first handknowledge of MLC cannot understand the emotions that happen to the LBS on this ride so how could they possibly moderate it.


I agree there have been a banning or two that was warranted but I do not and will not agree with selective censorship that has been occurring here.

Thanks for starting this RCR.

[inmyplace]

First, I regret to say that I feel sgctxok should not moderate this forum.

I am here to lend my support to sgctxok. Sg understands DB principles. Sg has been to the seminars. And many years ago, before most of you ever knew yu had a problem, sg was there to help me and some of the great people I have met on this board. And please, sg is just like you is a human being capable of making mistakes. And isn't the reason we came to this board in the first place. We sought a second chance to right our marriages.

tIf you do not like something, you have a choice, you can leave. The name of this board is Divorce Busting. You can vote with your feet. And if you, RCR, have so many thoughts about how to run an Internet site, go out and start your own Internet site.

This site is called Dicorce Busting. It is about saving marriages according to Michele's formula. And marriage is a relationship.

Again, I wholeheartedly support sgctxok.

IMP

[Cinderellaman]

tIf you do not like something, you have a choice, you can leave

I guess this is exactly what my H thought.....too bad he didn't choose to work things out among us...

[ba065]

RCR:

I really like the ideas you have laid out for this forum. I hope the mods or those in charge will carefully consider and implement these ideas.

Glad to see you back. I really appreciate reading your posts!

BA

[shewholurks]

Seriously people. You have got to be kidding me. You have no idea what is going on within the administration and yet you call SG out day after day. Did it ever occur to you that she is FOLLOWING THEIR ORDERS?? You should be ashamed of yourselves. {yeah, I know you aren't. After all, this board OWES you something, right?}

SG. You have taken on a monumental task. One I wouldn't wish on even the worst of offenders on this board as of late. Please know that I, as well as others, got your back. I wish you well.

That being said, I leave you all to contemplate the thoughts of a great youth pastor,Uncle Andy. {and no, he is not my uncle}

"If you come to my house for dinner you don't tell me that the meal I'm serving is all wrong. You either eat the meal or you politely excuse yourself and leave, but you don't cause a scene because you don't like meat loaf.

If you don't like a TV show you change the channel, you don't call the station and complain. It's not that hard to simply press the button on the remote and move on.

If say country music isn't your cup of tea you don't tune into the country station and then e-mail them to let them know how much you can't stand their music. That's an extreme act of idgitness.

If you don't like roller coasters you don't stand in line to tell the guy that locks you into the car "I don't ride roller coasters, especially yours." That's a waste of your time.

If McDonalds is your favorite fast food restaurant you don't walk into my Wendy's and complain about my square burgers. Just stick to your round little dinky ones with too many onions and be happy.

Don't go to China Garden expecting to get Olive Garden food and then gripe because there is no chicken marsala. Choose the right restaurant that fits your taste buds."


Makes sense, does it not? Sure does to me and I am blonde. Stop it. Stop it now. Now get back to basing some solutions and busting some divorces. And most of all, get back to focusing on the only one you can control. Yourself.

~ swl

[Puppy Dog Tails]

My; people have such THIN SKINS around here!

I thought RCR's was a rather thoughtful, and respectful, post. I guess the newer posters need to "know their place," eh SWL??

Puppy

[inmyplace]

Puppy Dog Tails,

Telling someone how to run their business, i.e. to suggest removing a moderator, is quite arrogant. Now, speaking of thin skin, I could show you some posts from a couple years ago.

IMP

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I am new to the MLC forum, and know none of the people involved. But just as an outside observer, I see no "arrogance" in the rather constructive suggestions of RCR. I do, however, see them in the responses, including yours.

[Jeanette1120]

Wow RCR.....thats some post! It takes me the longest to read them. They are very very good and very very helpful, especially when they are directed towards someone in need of transforming their marriage.

Your suggestion box is nice also. I believe I saw that SG was making a new area for the "Stickies". Gosh, but I am ever so glad that I did not start a Solution Journal. Jeeeez, I would feel LIKE CRAP everytime I posted on one as it would make me feel NOT WANTED! Hmmm....thoughts to ponder on exactly who this is all hurting, not helping.

Solution Journals: Can we try putting these in their own folder?
But regardless, let's give them a chance!

BUT REGARDLESS LETS GIVE THEM A CHANCE???? Holy HELL...hey, why don't we just put those loving thoughtful wanting to save their marriage people in a friggen CAVE all by themselves. And we all know about those caves right? NOT!

I'm gonna have to go with IMP on this one RCR, as much as I love reading your posts and they have helped me tremendously as I'm sure they have others this is not YOUR website, it belongs to MWD and we are her valued GUESTS.

I too also hope that AmyC did not SACRAFICE herself for the sake of you and uhm others.

First, I regret to say that I feel sgctxok should not moderate this forum. It is not my intent to discredit or insult her.

Next your going to tell us who can post and who cannot right?? Unfriggen real.....this is a power struggle between a few people so why shred this board like this?? I mean...I thought you were going to come back and be helpful posting to those in need? I also thought that perhaps this had all died down and we could begin to heal from mark this left on many people. But here we go again. Lets get rid of SG......for the love of GOD! WHY? Should this not go back to one of your suggestions to ban those people who are picking on ONE person and NICE to others????

It's so damn confusing now.....

You know what......there are so many "WHAT IF'S" in our lives right now it crazy. Now I have to add "worry about slander" "be gentle with those who need 2x'ed" for repeating the same thing until you get it? Remember practice makes perfect.

I think we all need to realize that no matter what happens here NOT EVERYONE IS GOING TO BE HAPPY. It either has to be one way or no way. We all have to learn to get along and be open minded and helpful to others.

This continuous bashing of SG is not helpful to anyone. It's hurtful. I hate to see people so "Out To Get" someone like this.

I'm wondering if this is ever going to end. Will everyone truly be happy on this site? Even if all the "Demands" are met, are we all going to be happy?? Sadly, I highly doubt it.

I am starting this thread to encourage a positive and professional dialogue where we can offer suggestions along with CONSTRUCTIVE criticism if it is needed.

Isn't that what we were doing??????? Or was it not good enough? Or are certain people not good enough? Or do we have to be HIGHLY TRAINED PROFESSIONALS WITH DEGREES who spend hours on end in the library reading in order to fit the perfect description of someone who is capable of posting a dialogue that will suit everyone.

Hell....I didn't read many books about his, I learned it all on here when things were normal. But somehow I don't think you liked it then either. But guess what? You can almost add me to the list of DIVORCE BUSTED! all without the new ideas and or suggestions of whats right or wrong. Most of us speak from experience. Experience seems to be the majority of us posters.

This site is losing it's appeal simply because of all the arguing over who is going to get the last word.

Oh...and if you put in all that you suggested. The top of this forum will be a train wreck, not just look like one.

Can't we all just get along as adults and not want to take over the world???

Much love to all.

Jeanette