We had a lot of R talk today. Took a long walk and it was all bought up by her. She keeps saying that she just does not have that feeling and doesn't know if it is coming back. I just asked her to give it some time. I think she will. Very concerned at this point. I wish I could just make her love me but I know that that is not possible. She is beyond posessed, she has an answer for everything and life has been miserable for 200 years. I asked her to recall some of the good times and she did actually come up with quite a few. I feel like I am backsliding but also makeing progress at the same tim. Two steps forward and three back and then four forward. What a ride.
Where do i go from here. Can't wait to see the pysc tomorrow.
She keeps saying that she just does not have that feeling and doesn't know if it is coming back.
Are you sure you weren't talking to my wife? Good grief...if I had a nickel for every time my wife said those exact same words...
BT, this is just a healthy dose of the good ol' MLC "I don't know" script which will drive you nuts if you listen to it. They're so confused and scared and filled with inner turmoil that they don't know anything. I'm amazed they can tie their shoes.
The next time she say's that, instead of asking her to give it some time, tell her "You know what? I don't know either."
She is beyond posessed, she has an answer for everything and life has been miserable for 200 years.
If everything my wife said about our marriage was true, I should be serving 30 years to life in the federal pen for general cruelty to the human race.
You're doing just fine, BT. Now...start to give her the impression that you're moving on with life. You should be doing that anyway. It'll make her stop and think, and raise doubt and confusion.
You're doing a fine job.
Me: 51 W: 50 M 24 yrs EA: since Apr 06 S22, S26, S28 ILYBNILWY:Nov 07
"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." Tyler Durden
I asked her today if she minded if I had/found a girl friend and she said "I don't know but maybe that would help us move on faster". That hurt a little. Weird things coming from the MLC fogg!
I wasn't going to share this but we somehow got on the subject of ML and she suggested that "we do it and if she doesn't feel anything can we move on faster toward to S or D faster". She says she would not feel anything. BS. She would F***** love it. Weird for two reasons, who is holding her back from S or D? Does this mean that maybe she is starting to think about ML?
What do you think? I am half inclined to pound on her and run out the door to a new life. YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHAAAAAAAAA!!
Whew! Easy tiger. Any talk of having a girlfriend is going to give her a great excuse to leave you in the dust.
And I guarantee...absolutely guarantee that if you ML with her she is going to tell you that she "didn't feel anything." It will just be one more excuse/opportunity for her to say goodbye.
It happened to me...I just didn't know what was going on.
A few months ago, my wife came home and wanted to ML. "Lucky me!" I thought. Maybe this is the end of the nightmare. It had been almost a year since we ML.
Let's just say I gave her a stellar performance. And you know what happened? She "didn't feel anything" and "I felt like a wh@re." And now everytime we go to MC and the counselor asks about our sex life, I get to hear that whole experience recounted. Believe me, she had a good time, but she'll be damned if she'll admit it. It's just one more way for the MLC alien to reject you so you will feel so horribly hurt that you will reject them. Don't get sucked into that game.
OK BT...listen up. What do you want? Do you want to date other women? Is your patience gone so soon? If so, you need to be honest with yourself and make the move. If you want your wife back, then you need to drop the girlfriend talk and forget about ML until SHE decides to jump your bones. You make the call.
Bomb
Me: 51 W: 50 M 24 yrs EA: since Apr 06 S22, S26, S28 ILYBNILWY:Nov 07
"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." Tyler Durden
Dude - What the hell are you doing? Your DB skills are going right down the toilet!
- Heavy relationship talk - Talking about a potential girlfriend - Talking about having sex
BT my good friend, you are playing right into her hand. I can just hear it.... "Of course I am divorcing BT, he started hinting of a girlfriend." " Of course I am divorcing BT, we had sex last night and I felt nothing."
You need to give her a lot of space RIGHT NOW or this thing is going to get real ugly. I'm talking War of the Roses sh*t. You gave her a lot of ammo tonight and I guarantee at some point she will be ready to use it against you.
- Patience, space, kindness.. everythings cool. - GAL is the key to this sh*t. At least if the marriage does end you are ready to move on.
Good luck my brother. Sorry about breaking out the 2X4, by I have been hit with it MANY times. It took me months to understand this sh*t and I still mess it up. Although right now I am on a bit of a roll.
A month ago, I never would have thought W and I would have had a romantic dinner, make out sessions, divorce postponement and spending the night in the same bed - her decision, not mine.
If I can do it, you can do it. Once the MLC fog clears, you can start making progress. Until then, give her some space.
get a hold of yourself. No more "ask her to give it some time." When she talks and says "I just don't have the feeling and not sure it's coming back" that is your signal to EMPATHIZE.
That is not a signal to ASK FOR SOMETHING FROM HER.
EMPATHIZE.
What does it feel like to her? I'll bet it feels crappy. "Wow, that sounds ,.. really... sad. Empty, maybe. I can only imagine how that tortures you."
Do not ask her to recall all the good times. You think it will work but it won't. They have to do it on their own time. They will not do it with prompting from you.
back off.
Instead of watching Girls Gone Wild tonight, maybe re-read a chapter or two of DR ?
seriously.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
I am backsliding big time. DB is so simple but so hard. She is so harsh on me. I mentioned that her hair needed combing in the back this morn and she flipped out on me. I asked her to be nicer to me in front of the kids.
I told her I was very sorry for what she was going through and I am here to help her in anyway possible. I told her I felt bad and it must feel horrible to have lost her feelings for me and the pain of making the decisions is is making.
She is trying the "leave the note around strategy again". I told her the strategy of being mean and nasty to me so that she makes me feel nothing toward her so she feels better about her decisions is not working. I want to help her not hate her.
I had a big backslide the last two days but I am only human.
BTW: There was no talk of a girl friend. We were talking about her friend (OM)which I am starting to feel there was really nothing there but a freinship, but who knows. Anyway I told her that did not make me feel good and put herself in my shoes and asked her how she would feel if I had a girl friend. She didn't really answer but said she would probably not feel good but could not tell until it happened. That's all.
She also bought up the ML stuff and I don't recall how that came up I think it had something to do with "getting the feeling back" and kissing and hugging. She offered to ML and if she had no feeling to move on. Bomb said it was a huge trap. She said we could do it but she would have to break out the Vodka bottle. That made me feel like [censored] and be very concerned for her drinking.
