I've been married almost ten years. Most of them were good years, although we have been in a difficult step-family situation. The fighting between my DH and my autistic son grew to a point where I left the house last August, fully expecting to take the time to work on some House Rules and improve our situation. No, instead, my DH allows his adult son to move in my son's room. He is a druggie. When he was 14, he molested his half-sister at his mother's house. He is truly a messed up person!
I continue to work for my DH and see him daily, but anytime I wanted to talk about US, I was met with anger. As long as I kept things on a work level, he was fine. I continued to cheerfully work for him in spite of many days where he was passive-aggressive in his reactions to me.
A couple of weeks ago, I noticed he had removed his wedding ring. Then last week, he left work early because he was sick and I went to turn off his computer at the end of the day and saw he has been on two singles sites. I went to the house and talked to him about this and he said he knew it wasn't right. I then pretended to be a single and he answered my "flirt", as they are called. I asked him if he ever converses with these women and he said no. I told him he was lying and then he finally told me many things he is angry about. I don't clean the garage, I didn't serve vegetables in my meals enough, etc. His son lives in our house and smokes pot in the house, turns on his little brothers and he is worried about vegetables?
Friends and family have been trying to talk me into seeing an attorney for months. Even HIS friends have told me that he says the only reason he keeps me around is financial.
I think it's time to dial the number for an attorney. My situation is complicated...so many more issues...but I'll start here.
M: ten years BS23, BS17 Step-SS20, SS16, SS14 Separated: August 07
be very carefull with attorneys though. right now it still looks like you want to save the M so dont let a sharke in a blue suit try and have you jumping at shadows. I called one and next thing i know hes trying to get me to have seperate bank accounts, and this was before she even moved out.
be very carefull with attorneys though. right now it still looks like you want to save the M so dont let a sharke in a blue suit try and have you jumping at shadows. I called one and next thing i know hes trying to get me to have seperate bank accounts, and this was before she even moved out.
Well, my attorney was actually really helpful. Before, we even begun the consultation she asked if there was anything she could do to help save the marriage. She then gave me a couple names and numbers of counselors that she thought would be helpful. It's good to know how to protect yourself in the mean time and what to expect if you need their services down the road.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
I saw an attorney today. Our accounts are already separate, so that part isn't a problem. My concern is that he has a business and I've signed two large loans as a personal guarantee! She said if I file for a Legal Separation, he will have sixty days to get my name off of them. She was not pushy, just answered my questions and told me where I'm most vulnerable financially.
The only reason I did this today was because he shut off my cell phone and commercial gas card. He's really starting to scare me.
M: ten years BS23, BS17 Step-SS20, SS16, SS14 Separated: August 07
My advice is to have patience. If your goal is to save the marriage, I would not be talking to your attorney. As far as shutting off your cell phone and gas card, that is just plaing wrong and you should tell your husband to stop.
On the singles site issue... your husband sounds borderline MLC. If you want to save the marriage maybe you can take him out to dinner, get dolled up and pour on the charm.
Thank you for responding! I have tried and tried to suggest we go out. He says no. I still work at our business and doll myself him, am sweet to him, cater to him, and he complains about new things all the time. He is making poor financial choices and running the business into the ground. I recently rec'd a large inheritance and that's why I need to be protected legally. I am scared to share it with him as my counselor said it would be like giving an alcoholic a drink. BTW, my counselor does NOT want to see a divorce either.
I feel like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.
Thank you for taking the time to respond! I will look up the abbreviations you gave. I've really been wanting to know what the singles site stuff means from a man's point of view.
M: ten years BS23, BS17 Step-SS20, SS16, SS14 Separated: August 07
I think seeing the attorney was goo, at least to know where you stand, not necessarily to start anything. Your business situation means you need to be careful. I think you need to protect yourself, and especially your son.
I think I would see the dinner and charm thing as a pile of pressure. I think space is a better prescription. No r talk, keep it business. Blend into the woodwork, as it were. And try to do some things just for you, to help keep your sanity, and o perhaps make you a bit more interesting to his confused head.
