Hi folks. I haven't written in a while because I thought I was getting too attached to this site, Thinking I would always be in limbo if I kept comming back and reopening old wounds by reading everyones situations. I don't feel I have moved on the past 2 years. After my w divorced me, I was busy trying to keep my 2 daughters comfortable with what we have all been through. 2 years ago, I got involved with a woman who just herself got a D and we were comforting each other. She fell in love with my D and was concern for them, we became involved, I think we just needed eachother to lean on while we were both trying to heal. After a while, she had to move because she couldn't find a job. We still were best friends, I could tell her anything and she me.
Last year I found a woman that I really fell in love with, we had a great time and many things in common. The only draw back is she lived 2 1/2 hours away and the only time we could be together were the weekends. My girls weren't too keen to that and started to cause problems. Woman told me she couldn't handle the stress of the girls and ended the relationship. I again felt that lost feeling of abandonment. Started to blame the girls for what they did. Oldest D now 18 was involved with all sorts of bad people who was directing her down the wrong path. Still in contact with Kippey ( the girl who moved) she offered to take oldest from her enviroment and set her on the right path. I agreed and sent her, trusting this woman. In the mean time I was still home with youngest D who still was going a tough time. Grades at school were down. Social skills were lost, their mother had totally abandoned them with no contact. I got youngest into counceling. Things were starting to improve until MIL came into picture with all her guilt that she had taken on and wanted to spend a day with D. While I was at work. D called me to ask if she can spend time with grandma. I was shocked that MIL, after all this time of no contact, suddenly called. I reluctently said OK. Came home from work and called D to say i'm going to pick her up. SHe said No and that she was afraid of me. I was shocked and upset, knowing MIL had said something to her to feel this way. I went over there to confront her and she called the police, They came, I told them the situation, and because D was so upset. I decided to leave things alone for a day. I went home discusted and feeling played again I had to divert my thoughts to something else. So I decided to change out the stove with one I had int he garage. I was not going as smooth as I thought and I lost it. Smashing it to where the glass from the door was all over the kitchen. Then the phone rang. IT was a person who had also help me with all that I was going through to find out how I was doing, I told her the story and said that sometimes I feel like just slitting my wrists and end this drama. She took this litalery and called 911. The police come over, see the glass all over and take me away to the mental hospital where I sat for 24 hours until I could prove to them this was a misunderstanding. I go home, called the MIL to find out where D is and was told she had sent her to live with her mother. saying she is forcing her now to be a mother. I am devistated. Plus to add to the equaision, I lose my job for not showing up for work while I was into hospital. I was a union carpenter and since things were slowing down in that field, they were looking for any excuse to lay people off.
I am now lost. Not knowing where to go or do. Everything is gone from my life. I call Kippey to tell her whats happening. SHe convinces me to move up to where she lives, tells me that If I stay where I am, I'm going to die by suicide. I move. Start a new life with my oldest D who is doing great. Things are fine for a while. I talk to youngest D all the time and she told me that If she went along with what Grandma told her to say. That she could go and visit her mother for the weekend. I had never denied my children with visitations. fact is I encougaged it, but Mother never committed to any time frame. So now she is living with her mother and her new husband. Who she got married to 2 days after the divorced was finalized. Youngest HATES it down there. She is not hear to her feelings and concerns and feels she was tricked. Everytime I talked to her, she cries because she misses me and her sister so bad. Says Mom won't let her come visit, that she has to forget about us. She has nothing to do with oldest D and feels that oldest should be the one to make first move to a relationship with her. Oldest holds so much resentment that she never want to have a R with her real Mom. SHe calls Kippey mom now.
I don't know where I'm going with this. I guess I'm just journaling.
I'm seeing a C. but its so slow going. I feel my life is sometimes not worth living. I have the stress of Kippeys kids. Not respecting me as an adult. I go into these withdrawn days where I jsut want to be left alone.
