Should I tell her I know?

[addie]

Chocolateeyes,
I don't completely disagree with you as I did confront H with the A and he left. For myself, I know that I couldn't just pretend it wasn't happening and I was ready to take the risk that we would separate. Our S did result in H pursuing a PA. Whether that would have happened anyhow I don't know. All I am saying is that, if you do decide to confront spouse about the A, then you should mentally prepare yourself for an outcome that you may not desire.
Lurch, in your case you're already separated, correct?