Could it be manipulation... yes. That is what I struggle with.
If you were to ask me, I would say it is 100% manipulation. But so what. You did not ask for this and I think your still not asking for it.
What do you think he expects you to do Keekers? AND? What would your normal emotional reaction be.
At this point it does not matter. Again you say to him this is NOT WHAT YOU WANT TO DO!
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Oh, i know h is only nice to me when he wants something..I even told him that.
If this is true, then you have your answer. The hard part and trust me it was hard, is sticking to it. Again, you can agree to half. This way neither one of you feel like your giving in.
HUGS! and I know you will make the right decision Keekers. I have no doubt.
Jeanette
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
I went to trial with my XH. I know what you are going through. I realize that it is hard to want your marriage to work and get a divorce at the same time.
That being said.
The best advice I got was from a friend. She said to me, "it is just a business deal." When I thought of the financial part of my D as a business deal, I was able to stay focused on the needs of my family and not the MLC tornado.
BTW..My XH said it all to me. I was a gold-digger..I would get nothing..he had no money and the best he could do was what he was offerring me. Well, I realized that wasn't true. The judge forced him to pay more and he has been paying it!
It is so hard to fight for financial support and not feel bad at the same time. But, once I depersonalized it AND remembered this was not what I wanted in the first place, it was easier to handle.
I almost settled when XH said to me he needed a D to rethink our R again. He needed the closure. Had I settled, I would not be in my home any longer, I would not have been able to finish school, etc.
300 a month is a lot of money. Think about it.
I would avoid talking money with him at the moment. You need time to think and get your head on straight.
Remember, it's a business deal.
Oh, btw..in the end my XH told me how much he respected the fact I fought for more money for the kids' sake. He said it was a statement to how independent and wiser I had become through it all. Almost a turn on to him... (whatever..he is sick dude.. )
$1500 a month. Whether it seems a like a lot or a little depends on one's perspective. How much does he make a month? How much do you make? What was income like in your marriage? What other assets do you have, does he have? What are your expenses? Is this child support or spousal support? Etc. Impossible to give advice with so little context.
"Now some kind of man, he can't do anything wrong. If I see him I'll tell him you're waiting." ---Lowell George
By the way some women are gold diggers (some men too I suppose). My soon to be ex is one of them. I put her through med school and residency. Even when she was in practice, she only worked part time. We had kids 10 years in to our 16 year marriage, so for those first 10 years she was not home taking care of kids; she was getting educated for a high wage profession, while I was paying all her living expenses. She rarely cooked. We had maids to mop, clean toilets, vacuum. We had a nanny for the kids. She never did a stitch of my laundry in 16 years. She never helped me with my career. She never threw dinner parties for my colleagues, etc. It was all about me supporting her, making her career aspirations possible. She also has a substantial inheritance from Daddy and will get more when Mommy dies.
Still, divorce laws dictate that she'll get half of the "marital portion" of my pension plus a huge lump sum payout for half the equity in the house----the house whose mortgage I paid at least 2/3 of every month. Where's the fairness in that? There may have been a time when women were financially victimized by divorce, but I think that time is past, and the culture of victimization just serves to perpetuate significant financial advantages for women in divorce. I'd go so far as to say the financial benefits (getting child support, spousal support and half the marital assets, even if you earned nothing during the marriage) are an incentive for some women to divorce. Money alone is not going to make anyone walk out, but it may tip the balance for a woman who is on the fence.
"Now some kind of man, he can't do anything wrong. If I see him I'll tell him you're waiting." ---Lowell George
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