Recognized a pattern, don't know if I like it.

[sleeper]

Breton,

It's hard to keep your eye on the prize when there is nothing encouraging going on at the time. If you still want your marriage don't give up, the fat lady hasn't sung, so to speak.

Remember, it ain't over till it's over, and some on these boards say it's still not over then unless you want it to be. Three months ago I wouldn't have given our marriage any chance at all but now I think we may make it. Things can really turn around quickly, so don't give up unless you're ready.

[bombardier50]

Sleep,
OK, so now I feel like a bonehead. I meant to say, she's filed but hasn't followed up. I got a feeling if her lawyer is putting pressure on her to follow through...hmmm...wonder how she'll react.

I do feel bad for you knowing that you've got to be feeling a lot of anxiety as March approaches. I think it's interesting that she hasn't followed through. To me, that spells doubt, big time.

She told you she loves you. I think that's big. Of course, I wouldn't read tooo much into it. But sounds to me like she means it. During MC yesterday, my wife also told me she loves me. And like you, I almost fell off the couch.

Really...I think you have a lot to hope for.

Hang in there man.

Bomb

[sleeper]

Thanks Bomb,

Yea, the follow through on the D thing is interesting, but may or may not mean much. She filed when she was in anger stage. The only times she has brought it up last couple of months was when she was short of money, somehow thinks that will solve those problems for her.

She has said a couple of times over past year she feels she needs to be alone, unattached to anyone to "heal". Next time she mentions that I'm ready to respond with, "What about OM, are you going to detatch from him, too"? I already have her pat response memorized, "You trying to be a smarta**?" Maybe I won't ask afterall.

As far as our Ws still loving us, that's a blessing in disquise as a part of me thinks, "Then what the problem here"? And on another level it's a comformation that something ain't right with them and they got some issues (MLC) going on.

She just called (second time today). It's bill paying time and some of the bills come to my place, some to hers. She says she needs some info on the house figures from me.

Was it just an excuse to call as she doesn't need this info to simply pay the mortgage?

Or is she collecting info for her lawyer?

Maybe I'll swing by her place and kiss her on the mouth, her reaction will answer both questions.

[bombardier50]

She has said a couple of times over past year she feels she needs to be alone, unattached to anyone to "heal".

Awhile back, I was cruising around on pathpartners.com. I checked out their boards and saw that they had a board for "Woman in Midlife Only" and one for the men dealing with MLC wives. Of course, the men's board was just a cesspool of pain and heartache...couldn't stay there long. So I "spyed" on the women's board.

What an eye opener.

There were comments like "If he would just give me my space, I wouldn't have had to move out", and so on. As expected, their concerns were all very selfish, and there was a lot of guilt about the pain they had caused, but they felt as though there was nothing they could do about it in a very detached sort of way. "I know he's in a lot of pain, but I have to deal with this." It was a weird, weird world. Some of these women were in the midst of affairs. They felt guilty about the pain they were causing, but they felt as though this was a necessary step in their warped little "journey". Anyway, you might take a gander at the board.

Was it just an excuse to call as she doesn't need this info to simply pay the mortgage?

Who the hell knows? I saw someone mention Occum's Razor on another post. The simplest explanation is usually correct.

Maybe I'll swing by her place and kiss her on the mouth, her reaction will answer both questions.

Of course, you're kidding. My guess is she'd smack you with a baseball bat.

Question: Has she shown you any physical attention at all? Touch on the arm, etc.? I don't know if you saw my post about my MC session yesterday. My W is gradually showing me more physical attention. It's like the ice is slowly melting.

Also, if you saw my earlier thread, a couple of weeks ago I gave her a little pat on the azz. She was outraged. In fact, my puzzlement over this was the whole subject of the thread.

Anyway, in MC yesterday, she mentioned this and how she was shocked at her own reaction. I thought this was a bit of a breakthrough. What do you think?

Bomb

[sleeper]

Funny you asked that,

While at W's Sat. morning after her call for assistance, she asked me to feel a pimple developing on her neck. then as I was leaving, she asked for a hug. It turned out to be more like a lingering holding of each other than a hug.

As to your sitch, Bomb. Sounds like your W may be going through mlc stages in world record time. I'm amazed there's any physical contact going on at all this early in the game. Your W's maiden name wasn't Yeager by any chance, was it?

[forward]

Sleeper, You have a lot of positive signs here.

I hope it goes well here. Keep giving her the space but be encouraging!

[sleeper]

So do you, Bomb.

And if I may say so, you seem to have found your stride in all this. And very quickly I might add. I know you mentioned once having to make quick decisions and try something else very quickly if that didn't work in your previous career. That reminds me, I bought Dr. Strangelove on DVD a couple of weeks ago.

I thought of a new motivational image today. My W is a very passionate person in everything she chooses to do. The bomb was very passionate, and I'm sure the reconcilliation will be the same. With all these positive signs and physical touching going on, I just hope the reconcilliation doesn't happen in a public place or we might very well get arrested.

It really is a great motivational image.

[bombardier50]

Bon Jour Sleep,

Getting arrested making out in a public place...good story for the grandkids.

Sounds pretty positive to me. Maybe she'll develop a pimple somewhere else...hmmm...

Now for a shot of pessimism.

I related some of our observations regarding physical affection to a female friend. She said that's all great, but don't get your hopes up too much. To a woman in MLC, a hug can mean she's coming back...or...it can mean she's trying to assuage her guilt, or she wants you to know she still cares about you as a person, or she feels sorry for you for the pain you're in, or she wants something and figures a little show of affection will grease the skids.

Any ladies out there want to weigh-in on this?

Women. Such complicated, emotional creatures they are.

Anyway, I've always denied women my essence.

God I love that movie. Many moons ago, when I was flying buffs, I was a radar navigator. In the movie, that crew position is played by James Earl Jones.

So...I think we should execute Attack Plan R.

Bomb

[forward]

Um, Bomb, I can tell you that being called an emotional creature would not sit well with many of us.

I would say that it's possible she's manipulating, but the ILY is interesting (unless it was said in a way that was like "Oh I love you but I don't know about this). Unless W has a history of manipulation and emtional jerking around, I would say the signs are good for Sleeeper.

Sleeper, be flirtatious!

[bombardier50]

Breton,
You are right...I am an insensitive lout. Please accept my heartfelt apology. However, when I said "creature", I meant it in a loving way

What I should have said is that most men too quickly attach the wrong meaning to signals they get from a woman, especially an MLC woman. From all the DB books I've read, men tend to show their love in a physical way, and woman attach more meaning to emotions. So a hug might mean one thing to the man, and something completely different to the woman.

Is my babbling making any sense?

I should probably be more flirtatious as well. But after months of GALing, 180ing, As Ifing, and generally DBing my butt off, I don't think I remember HOW to flirt.

Bomb