We are D'ing. Long talk tonight. H kissed a NEW girl Saturday night. He slept in his car (thought he shouldn't drive). Its completely over with OW. He met this girl and thought *I* was out kissing people so he did it. No excuse. This week, we are talking to a few mediators, getting the house appraised, getting new credit cards, filing our taxes (last time together apparently), and separating finances. I told him I can't watch him do this anymore, I can't live with it in my face. He agreed to move out after a few things are situated. The girls are going to stay with me for now, he is going to come and be with them on his off days and stay while I am working. This summer (when they are off school) he will start to take them overnight wherever he is (most likely his dads).
Florida. The only way I could do it with him at this point is if he isn't seeing anyone at all. I could do it during our D, as friends, but I haven't decided. His grandmothers 97th birthday party is in 2 weeks (in Ohio) and he can take the girls, I will not be going. No one will be telling her about us, she would be devastated. She will just think I am working.
Crushed? Yes. Is it happening? Most likely. So I need to wrap my head and heart around it.
Some day, if he ever wakes up, he's going to realize what a treasure you are Lwb. And some very lucky man is likely to come along some day and recognize the beautiful woman you are and never let you go.
omg, lwb, I am so sorry. (((HUGS))) omg. I am sick for you. your h is a fool. he knows damn well you aren't kissing anyone. that is bullcrap. and not only that, what would it matter if you were? seriously? If he wanted to make his M work again, he would know that isn't the way to do it.
I am stunned here.
take care of yourself, honey. call if you need to vent/cry/scream. and make that call for the IC...drink the kool aid. it helped me so much, I can't help but encourage you in that regard.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
LWB, Been a while since I've posted on your thread, but I just wanted to throw you some support.
Originally Posted By: lwb
We are D'ing. Long talk tonight. H kissed a NEW girl Saturday night. He slept in his car (thought he shouldn't drive). Its completely over with OW. He met this girl and thought *I* was out kissing people so he did it. No excuse.
Agree, there is no excuse for the kiss, but it was probably meaningless. I'm not gonna say if it was right or wrong, but I had a couple of kisses in the middle of my situation when I thought our marriage was over. It boosted my self confidence and made me feel good about myself, but it really didn't mean anything. In your case, the OW was the issue. It was the OW that he had the emotional bond with. If that is truly ended, then there is a chance that he can start thinking rationally again about what he stands to lose.
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This week, we are talking to a few mediators, getting the house appraised, getting new credit cards, filing our taxes (last time together apparently), and separating finances.
Four weeks ago, my W and I were in this same spot. We had separated our finances and I had started the paperwork for D. I thought that it was really over, but somehow things fell into place to turn it all around. We had scheduled a Retrouvaille weekend for 1/18 way back in November. My W had reluctantly agreed to go if only to work on improving our communication after the D. I looked forward to that weekend as our last option, but I knew that it would be meaningless if the OG was still in the picture. Well, like I said, the planets must have aligned for us on that weekend. Two weeks before the weekend, she broke off contact with OG and really committed to giving our R shot. Going into the Retro weekend, we were both skeptical and unsure, but it really helped to bring us together and give us optimism for a healthy and rewarding relationship. I am not much of a religious person, but I can't help but feel that there were some miracles involved here. The first weekend of Retro was in the hotel where we had our wedding reception. The follow up weekends are in the church where we had the ceremony. Talk about full circle...
My point is that we have turned it around. We had done counceling with little or no success, but the Retro weekend really touched us both. We have come back from the edge, and we are no different that others on this board. There is still lots of work ahead, but we are both committed to doing what it takes and are looking forward to creating new memories as a family.
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Crushed? Yes. Is it happening? Most likely.
It sounds like you have not yet given up all hope. Check out the Retro website (www.retrouvaille.org) and see if there are any upcoming dates in your area. It is definitely worthwhile.
I think he may be trying to shock you into begging him to stay - otherwise why hurt you with this crap - he might as well just get on with the d and let that be an end to it. I think there is much more to this than your H's mouth is actually saying as regards your M. He might even be one of those that has to go right to the D court and then pulls back but he sure doesn't sound like someone committed to a D. IMHO he is CRYING out for attention - please think on this.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Thanks everyone, I am a bit tired today. Slept from 4am-6:30am. But its all good.
saffie, while I agree with your point, I have been doing that (attention/niceness) for quite awhile now. There is only so much giving I can do without receiving any sign its working. I feel like I put myself out there and got nothing. I wouldn't mind if he was at a standstill with us, but to move forward and be meeting other people? I don't regret our times lately, but I don't know if I can do it anymore.
hopeforthefuture, I see the kiss as meaningless, yes. But if he is attempting to have another OW, then what then? He will not go to Retro with me. I won't ask again. Thank you for posting and reading, I appreciate it.
SallyM, I asked. He told. Wasn't in my plans to ask, but I did. He probably stayed out in his car because of the guilt. Fine. It hurt SO much when I asked him if she asked if he was married, and he said "I am getting a divorce". Fine, you are telling people that, then that's what you are getting.
If I sound angry, I am. I won't be to his face, but here, right now, I am angry. He cried as much as I did last night, but we are crying over different things. He said he loves me, cares about me, doesn't want to leave if I am fragile, can't stand the thought of me being with someone else, etc. I told him (and I think he finally gets it) that our relationship will be so different. He has been believing that the only thing that will change with us is on paper. Not possible. He said that is up to me and I said it won't happen, we will never be this close.
I need him out of my face if he is going to be walking around telling other women he is getting divorced. I told him that I will not be with anyone until the papers are signed. His choices are his choices.
I could go on forever, but I have been invited to play Barbies...
lwb - UGH!!! It's like we are Charlie Brown and our spouses are Lucy. We keep lining back up to kick the football only to have them yank it away from us!
Makes you wonder sometimes who the bigger ass is... Charlie for continuing to line up and trust Lucy, or Lucy for pulling the ball every single time. BTDT got a closet full of T-shirts.
Sounds like H and my W live in the same Fantasy Island with littl Tattoo running around "Attention.. Attention boss". They are empty, shallow bottomless pits of need.
Sorry to rant... I know it's hard right now, but pull back and focus on you and the D's. Pull the 180, whatever that may be on him. If he would expect you to stay out, come home or take the D's out. You know the drill.
You are 1000 times stronger now than when this began, and you will do well whichever way this falls.
