I just realized that my thread locked--and by my own hand! I haven't had to create a new thread in ages--hope I remember how. Here's the link to my old thread: The universe works in mysterious ways X
Things are OK with me--no big news. I watched "Waitress" last night--great movie, but parts of it were difficult for me to watch. I think I 've been in a funk for a few wekks, and when Keri Russel's character said that she was happy to have someone who thought what she said was important, I burst into tears. There have been a few times on this journey when H has been talking about something and then he's stopped and said, "If you/ someone were talking to me about something this much, I'd be wishing you/they would just shut up." Needless to say, I had a hard time sharing a lot of things with him for a while. I believe that this was par t of the MLC script and part of his insecruity, etc., but hearing someone else, albeit a fictional character, say what I want and don't have right now was an unexpected heart dart. I'm over it now, but I wanted to write about it here for a future reminder: this is what I want and need from a partner, whether it's H or not.
I have also decided to join a gym. I don't weigh anymore than I ever have, but I'll be 39 in Mrch, and things are starting to ...redistribute. I'm joining a gym where some of my work freidns go--it's on the way to and from school, so I can go right after work, and they have classes that I don't have to pay extra for, like yoga. I bought some workout clothes at Ross the other day and now I need to get shoes. I am not an exercise person, but I'm doing this so I can look my best for myself.
Here's a nice thing that happened: the other night H was over and we ML. Afterwards, he stayed in bed with me for a long time, letting me rub his head and back. Then he skooched over right against me and said he was cold. He wanted to be held and snuggled. THIS IS MY OLD H! I couldn't believe it! What a sweet interlude.
Lucky, I would give my right arm to be with my x again, I love her so much I saw her at the mall today, coincidence I think not so I just keep on praying. You are lucky good luck any helpful hints?
Hello amd. I see so many glimpes of my GOOD old H too, that's why this recent turn of events is double hard again. Detached? who me? never heard of it!
I went to a yoga class today, and there is a series that starts in March that I plan to join if I can clear that night of my other stuff. I tried the gym and liked it, but my foot problems accelerated so much that I could barely walk and I had to get treated for that. It still doesn't take much to overdo that foot, but I think yoga won't hurt that foot, but the rest of my body sure is starting to ache.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Keep fighting the good fight, I have two girls 5 and 12 both very confused about the divorce final 9/07. My wife is deep in mid life crisis, had a major breakdown about 4 years ago I should have recognized it all more clearly. Now she is dating Steve, and you know what I don't care I love her so much and more than love I am committed to her I just can't stop it. At this point I don't care until God releases me from this commitment I will be there for her, every week when the kids come to the house I put her favorite candy in to take home small inspirational books they go home too, and for Valentines day there will be tulips and an nice card from me and a dvd of family pics from me and the girls. As far as the foot get a massage and I love yoga warrior pose is my fave. All kidding aside do what ever you can unless its a physically dangerous situation to God these things matter.
God Bless, Michael
Me: 44 She 49 D12 D5 Together 20 Years Married 15 Divorced Final 9-07 but still fighting
Thanks Hopeful! I posted ontyour thread. I hope you find a way through the nightmare that is MLC. I can't imagine trying after a divorce. Good luck to you!
WCW: Talk with the yoga instructor about your foot. He/ she should be able to give you some advice about how to adjust poses so that it doesn't flare up again--and they may have ideas about poses to strengthen it as well. It is so hard when you have those glimpses and then he pulls away again. I kow others are advising you to give him a shove off the fence. What to you feel about that? Are you ready? I ask myself this all the time, and since I don't have a definitive answer, I refrain.
Thanks amd, I'll see what they advise for yoga. My foot sure has flared up again and I am icing it.
I don't know if I can push him off the fence no matter how hard I try unless I would take legal action. I don't want to do that. I do know that this is a long way from the M I want to have, but I also know this a long way from where H was last year, and the year before, and the year before that. I feel like he is taking steps in a good direction but he's just going a whole lot slower than I wish and any backslide is twice as hard as it ever was. Do I drum up more patience and keep waiting for him to emerge? there sure is plenty for me to work on yet before cutting myself loose from him and I don't think he is as detrimental as he was. Most days I feel like he is trying in his own way. I have to get more of my thoughts together. The list I gave him is still where I left it, he hasn't touched it. What do you think about what I said about showing love in HIS way?
How was your weekend? are you making plans for spring break yet?
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
I am well, just not on the boards too much right now. Things seem to be pretty status quo. H has been laying low for a while, but we were both sick--I had a sinusy, coughy cold , and he had the stomach flu. Personally, I think, I got the better end of the deal in spite of the cough hanging on. This is often a tense time of year for us--V-Day, then his bday (today) and my bday (March 1). He actually came over tonight when I was in the middle of posting on someone's thread, but I can't remember whose. Now don't be shocked by this: he accepted the comedy CD I gave him with thanks, AND he ate the mini cheesecake I bought for us, AND he cleaned up after, AND he took the CD with him. I know, I know--who is this masked man?
I am working on GAL. I was feeling pretty down about H not being in contact at all for days in a row, and I'm trying to shake that off. I took a yoga class at the gym I want to join and liked it--boy was I sore the next day! SHows how much I need to get in there. I also took a day off yesterday and went to the Northwest Garden and Flower Show--never went before, was totally overwhelmed and exhausted by the time I left, but loved every minute of it! I am so ready for spring!
I also engaged in covert operations the other day: I gave H tribulus extract, a supplement that is supposed to help with depression in men who are going through andropause, aka "male menopause." I don't believe that this is the same thing as MLC, but I figured what the heck. It's also used to stimulate the libido (blush) and it's been used for body builders although there isn't much evidence to support that use. I found a brand that labels it as a supplement to use for athletes to help in their post-workout recovery--perfect for H because he complains about being so sore all the time. He took it with thanks. I'll report back about if it works or not..libido and all.
I have no plans yet for spring break, but I know I'll be in some part of Wisconsin for a wedding in July. Clearly I need more info about exact locations, but does anyone live out that way who wants to get together? Think about it and let me know.
I'm tired now, and I don't have much else to post anyway. Life rages on as always. Be well.
I'm glad things are going better for you and H - how nice that he wanted to snuggle up with you! And good luck with your "covert operation"! heh heh heh heh...
Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
