Totally agree J! I am so much more at ease around her now. Mostly because I don't feel like I am under the microscope anymore. Which is of course because I no longer care what she thinks of me. Feels good!
You get angry because you expect human behaviors out of your STBX. You EXPECT her to understand your wishes and consider them before making any actions.
She doesn't do that.
Stop letting her know where your goat is tied up sweetie!!!
Wow SD...I really disagree with that statement. Anger is an extremely important and normal emotion. And although my X made me feel ashamed for expressing it...it is not something to be hidden away and swallowed. Anger is fine, it is how you deal with that anger that matters.
Remember I did not so much raise my voice to her...but instead calmly expressed my displeasure with her ignoring my request. And let me remind everyone. We teach people to treat us how they want. So by saying nothing when she does something lime this teaches her thatbits acceptable. Its not. I know I can't change her. I know I can't make her be respectful. But I sure as hell can tell her that I don't appreciate it. And that is what I did.
THEN I came here to journal and vent through some of my feelings. Which helps me to process it and move forward from it. Which it has.
So thank you to everyone but I guess Im just not really looking to be fixed. Was just venting - period. I know very well not to harbor resentment. I know that is not healthy. Hence why I started it all with the statement that I just needed to vent.
So with that said...I'm over it - really am...so lets change the subject.
Puddle. I EXPECTED her to do exactly what she did. As a matter of fact my D brought it up a week prior. But that will not keep me from asking to be respected when I feel like I have not been. And I have every right to be upset that my wishes concerning my kids were ignored. Ok...done.
I take that back. One more thing. Let me put it this way. If my kid is allergic to peanuts and I ask his teacher not to feed them to him but she decides she will anyway and not tell me....do I have a right to be upset about that? I think so. She is not immune to it just because she is my crazy X. I will still request respect without EXPECTING to receive it.
for sure you have that right!!! Holy crap Toots...I hope you weren't thinking I didn't think you had the right to be respected!!! that's not what I was saying at all.
I believe anger can be very healthy...it lets us know when a line has been crossed.
I was just suggesting that you knew in your heart that she would pull this crap (because you expected it already)
so if you knew she would do it...why bash your head against that wall.
I am all for fighting battles we find worthwhile. Only we know what battles are worth fighting for us.
I constantly ram my head against a wall here because I hate when kids wear confederate flag shirts...it offends me. I send them to the office. they get sent back to my room. It's the circle. It is a battle I feel is worth fighting. So yup...everyday when I send them down there I know they will be sent back. I used to get really angry about it (I still get po'ed) but I expect it so I can adjust my anger and use it to be more productive...like I talk about why they got sent to the office with the class. We have discussions when they come back. I use it to educate them that I don't beleive it is the "rebel" flag etc....
(not trying to start a flag fight on Swashy's thread...just trying to make a point please...everyone who loves the confederate flag and thinks it should be waving proudly and high can post it on my thread)
So my take on it is...if you expect her to disregard your wishes...how can you turn that righteous anger into something more productive to your cause?
Don't keep bangin gyour head against that wall. If it's a fight worth fighting, then fight it but fight it smarter....
did I make sense, Toots, or was the flag talk distracting?
The flag talk was perfect actually. And I feel like i handled it in similar way....except for talking to the class. Instead I came here and vented about it.
Ohhh...and Ian got an ear full. Which was actually kind of funny because about halfway through the conversation the connection died. Well I continued to swear my head off...not realizing that I was talking to myself. When he called back he apologized and said that his phone disconnects afer so many F-bombs. Heeheee.
SO...snow day has been fun. Kids helped me shovel the driveway and then we made the worlds biggest snowball AND a snowman who lost his head and was holding it in his hands. Thanks to Calvin and Hobbs for that one. Hope everyone is doing great. Got a C appointment tonight. STBX is going to watch the kids for me so that I can go. AND she is going to watch them on the SuperBowl. My birthday is a couple days before so I want to have a birthday/bowl bash.
