I am initiating the "let's go to counseling" phase of the new year. I have done some research in my city and have a "short list" of folks I think would be able to address the issues of infidelity etc. I have some questions for anyone who is or was in therapy with a spouse:
1) How did you locate your therapist? Did you try more than one?
2) Did you share the responsibility of finding a therapist with your spouse?
3) What things did you find "tipped you off" that this might be the right therapist for your sitch? Conversely what things turned you off?
4) Has anybody done any IMAGO/Harville Hendricks stuff? It looks interesting to me.
Nothing exciting to report here. I see small movements toward me from my spouse and overall things are ok. As per usual they could be moving faster as far as I'm concerned but they aren't so...I can be mad or I can go on. For now, I'll go on!
I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
I had to go with a list of providers on my insurance company, the ones that were still taking patients, that wasn't very many. Then I called them up. We went with a man, in retrospect, I wish we had gone with a woman, b/c I find I prefer them. The initial therapist we went with did not go well. He was one of the therapists who don't talk at all which I don't like myself. I don't know if this is a gender thing, or just the way they are trained or what, but the women therapists I have had all seem to offer a bit of input, which I tend to prefer. This was esp. bad because my H is a lawyer, kind of manipulative, and just kind of went in a little bit of attack mode, and the therapist didn't try to neutralize him much if that makes any sense.
I have now found a woman therapist who is wonderful, sweet, knows her stuff, very good. All 3 therapists in my life that have been good are women and the one I didn't like was a man. I guess it could be coincidence. I also knew from listening to my latest therapist that she was really sweet and nice. Her voice on the voice mail message was just really sweet and nice. I got a good vibe from hearing it. I know some people would think this is very unscientific, but that kind of stuff seems to work out for me 99.9% of the time, so it works for me anyway.
I forgot to mention you probably also want a more short-term behavioral therapist so you will have positive changes on your marriage within weeks/months instead of years rather than an analytical psychotherapist, but I think nowadays with most insurances, you can probably find they will only pay for the former anyway! Mine is like that as well!!!
