Pregnant and abandoned #5

[S.T. _I Made It!]

J, great post you copied. I need to remember those things myself.


blindsided1... it WILL get better, but you have to really start working on you. Your definitely going to have ups and downs through the whole thing, but your ability to get past them will get easier and when you come to a point of true detachment, it's much easier.

You really need to get yourself busy to keep your mind on other things, and you've got to forgive your H. You say that your doing really good, but so many comments you've posted shows me otherwise. Not saying your doing bad at all, I know this is really really hard and we ALL have setbacks. you just need to put more focus on staying away from these R talks- they do absolutely no good- and you need to work on building your confidence up.

we want you to have more good interactions (like that in the doctors office) and less bad ones.

You can do this, and you have so much hope. I know you can't see it, but it is there.

Your H still totally cares... why` do you think he brought up the part about you not getting upset loaning him money? He's naturally going to be upset about the timing of your changes... it took him to leave you before you would change and it's because he still cares. But that irritation of his will pass, and if you can be consistent, he will notice and he's going to want you back.

You have to be as consistent as you possibly can.

If you can build your confidence though, it will help with your feeling of hopelessness.

(((blindsided))))

[blindsided1]

J -the idea of this getting worse before it gets better scares the heck out of me. It's already hard enough somedays to deal with the pain. I know that I need to look at them as bumps in the road, one of the many things I have to work on.

Ann - hi Ann. One more week and you'll know boy or girl. You must be terribly excited. I know I am and I have 3 weeks to go - aaarrrggghhh. I do believe that he is noticing the changes. I felt that immediately when he mentioned the fact that I didn't give him a hard time about the money. I guess my issue is with him seeing these things after he moved out. I don't want him to think that it's BECAUSE he left that these changes are occuring. What good would that do. It just solidifies his ideas that he made the right choice.
I DO know that I need to distance myself. You're right, he doesn't have a chance to miss me. I AM there when he needs me. The funny thing is, I get less clingy and more motivated when things have been calm. When there is a bump, I immediately get clingy, like I'm going to lose him. I'm crazy.
I am also aware that he does try to put a damper on things so he doesn't have to feel happy with me. Like last night, the money was an issue, the bitchiness, I ask him the same question over and over looking for a different response. These are all reasons he feels justified in leaving me. It scares me that he would have to hit rock bottom first. That could take a really long time. H is really good about keeping his feelings inside and just coasting along, even if it's rocky. But, for now, I have to just keep working on me and let things slide. Easier said than done.

[blindsided1]

ST - hard to detach completely, hard, hard, hard. I'm working on it, even if it is slowly. I do try to stay busy, I have to otherwise I would go nuts. I am working on forgiving my H. But, it isn't going to come easy. I have a lot of anger over what and how he did things and WHEN he did them. I try desperately to curb the anger when I talk to him. Even though what I really want to do is just kick his a$$ sometimes (sorry). I don't bring up the R talks - he does. I just feel like I need to defend myself. I try to remain calm and validate what he's saying, even when I don't agree. That is REALLY hard. I want more good interaction, too. I hate the bad interaction, it sucks. I'll work harder. I am trying to be consistant. I just have those setbacks. But, I try to pull myself up and start over.

He called me this morning (surprisingly). He just called to talk about his class as school and some trivial daily life stuff. I didn't expect a call from him for a couple days. I think it may be due to the fact that I composed myself last night and remained calm and didn't argue when we spoke the second time last night. Who knows why. Then he called again while I was at lunch. I didn't have my phone with me to answer the call. I never go to lunch. So, I hope he wonders where I was and why I couldn't answer my cell phone.
Anyway, thank you. All of you. You really are all lifesavers and I appreciate the comments that help put my head back together.