time for honesty & truth for a new beginning pt 3

[phbear316]

EM

I know i should have told him outright about the bag, but i just cannot. I am not a arguer, i am not a confrontational person. I am always the one with a long fuse to put it bluntly. I never have a snap reaction. I have very poor self esteem, and i am trying to work on this with therapist. Has been a problem my whole life.

I am trying 180s here and there they may not be total 180's but, they are something. Like the mall thing, yes i would have liked to go, no doubt, but i said no. There was a gym bag that i saw and liked, but I did not commit to any of them.

H had to work this am, had to be in for 7. I set my alarm, and fell back to sleep. OW must have woke him up, oh well. I am not your mother, you have a alarm clock in the spare room, or even better the one that was in the bedroom works perfectly. It is my day of i do not have to go anywhere.

I am finding out that i am sleeping so much lately, i got up, this am, laid back down for what i thought would be like an hour. I just go up now and its 1pm. I think i am on a down spin towards depression. I did not go to church today for i slept thru it.

I am going to take a shower right now, and go out to the store, laundry will wait until i come back. I will do my best not to be here when h comes home from work.

Thanks for the hugs, and hugs right back at ya!

bear

[JennyF]

Hey Bear,
The month following the holidays is often hard on a lot of people...even those not in our situation. I know how you feel about wanting to stay in bed...I don't have that option and it's probably a good thing I don't.
Keep busy!
J~

[phbear316]

Jenny

All these months have been hard not just this one or the last one. Anyway, even though i did sleep the day away, i went down to my parents house, had to drop off something to them, went to the store, picked up a few things for dinner and for NYE tomorrow night. And new years day. I know h will not be here tomorrow night, i am not that stupid.

Wish i could go with my parents to Atlantic city, but i have to work tomorrow and only off tues. They are staying down till thurs. Well i plan to have night in tomorrow night, i plan to rent some pay per view movies, and watch them all night, see what comedians are on comedy channel, etc. Turn off the lights and light all the candles i have And pig out on lots of junk food LOL, LOL

New years day i plan to get up and go for a walk, come home and have some brunch. they just hang around, and probably take the tree down since i still have not done it as of yet. Funny i want the darn thing down so much, i can't get myself motivated to take it down. I think its because i did not want the darn thing up anyway.

hugs
bear

[phbear316]

Well, i am just waiting for h to call me and tell me is his way, of here are my plans for night. I know he will not be home. I am 99.99% convinced he will not be home. I keep having this same thought of when he tells me he is going out, i hang up on him.

I have also come to a decision about those gifts that are under the tree. They will be opened, the two shirts i will return, the long johns i will put in the wash, the chocolate will be put away for me, the cats christmas card, along with the one, i put in my drawer will be thrown in the garbage.

I have not decided about the shadow box, should i take it apart or should i leave it together

I shall see how the day unfolds. I will be very surprised if he stays home and if he does what do i do, I guess just keep to my origional plans

bear

[phbear316]

Well, here is an interesting update, just got off the phone with h, claims he is going to do an errand at other station. Whatever, h says to me so you are off to the gym soon, my reply no they closed a 3pm today. Oh he says that stinks, my reply is yea, well what are you going to do. So here i am waiting, for the bomb, the shoe, the drop of the anvil, Nothing. Pause......

H says what do you think you want for dinner, i say well i had nothing really planned, do you want like dinner or snack stuff? do you want to go out? H says he did not care. Ok my reply is i can go to store after work and see if there is any stuff left(now don't get all mad at me, i had not gone to store for stuff i wanted so still needed to go anyway). H says ok, not really enthused, i say there is chicken at home we can have that. H says ok that sounds good.

OK, WTF? What is going on, He is staying home with me. I don't get this. I still have a funny feeling he is going to say after dinner, like 9pm I'm going out. I cannot believe he is staying home!

I now just realized why he is staying home, he is on call, so he cannot go that far away and he cannot drink, so i once again come in second. But I have to look at it this way, he is here

Still going to stick to my plan of pay per view movies and snacks and just veg out in front of tv.

I wish everyone a blessed new year,

hugs and love
phbear

[Jeanette1120]

bear

Your plan sounds wonderful!! Just go with the flow for now.

Now, bout those gifts. Get them out from under the tree. Throw the long johns in the washer, the chocolate in the fridge, unwrap the shadow box and put it in the closet. DONE!

Your intentions were great. But can you now see that it made him very uncomfortable??

I like your plans for the evening. These days quiet is NICE!

I've enjoyed my last few days off TREMENDOUSLY. I did not worry about getting everything accomplished, I did not feel guilty for catching up on housework, but I must say, I do not like Drew Carrey as Bob Barkers replacement! I love Drew....but it's not the same!!!!!

Try not to be to ungracious about the bag. Why don't you simply pick one out you like (if the one he gets doesn't work) and suggest he get you that one??

bear, you cannot see into the future, so stop trying to assume he is doing things that you really are not sure of.

Enjoy the night!!

Have A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Jeanette

[phbear316]

Jeanette

Happy new year my friend!

I did not do exactly what i wanted to do, but close, never rented the movies or made the snacks but i did enjoy channel surfing. Found a good mythbusters marathon on and something on the travel channel. During this time h is out like a light on the couch.

H did wake up at 11, goes on computer, comes out to get ice bag, i say what the matter, he turns to look at me and he is green. I'm like oh boy migrane i say., H can barely say yes, so i help him with ice and he goes to lay down in spare room. I check in on him in like 20 minutes, i say do you want a percocet, h says no does not want to waste my supple. So my return is so be in pain thats really smart. H claims he wants to wait until mortin works, ok i say.

Well i go to the basement to call my parents who are not home to wish them a happy, and just make it to see the ball drop. Pick up the cat, give her a kiss, go to spare room and give h a kiss on the forehead, he is like what is that for, i like its new years, happy new year. and i leave the room tears streaming down my face.

30 minutes later i find h in kitchen asking for a half of a percet. I say just take a whole one, h says no ok, give him half leave the other half on the desk and just go off to bed, to watch the honeymooners marathon. Love the honeymooners.

So my plans for the day are no walk raining out, yuck. I am glad you enjoyed your days off, i of yet have not seen drew carey in the price is right, love him in who's line is it anyway.

Well i just put a small brunch in the oven, and made coffee so i am going to enjoy. H is working tonight, so the gifts will be gone when he gets home in the am.

I will look at the bag when it arrives, maybe i will like it. I will be open and honest about it but don't think it will fit in the lockers. when h showed me the web site i did pick a different color than he thought i would like so i will see when it comes

Well h told me today that he is working nights tonight so the gifts will be gone from under the tree. As you say the shadow box in the closet or should i put it out?, chocolate in the fridge, longjohns in the wash along with the shirts. card from the cat and my card in the garbage. I don't know i find that they made him more ungrateful than uncomfortable, something i don't think i will ever understand.

Now here comes the fun part what do i do for his birthday on sunday? I need your help on this one. I would like to take him out to dinner, but i don't know, maybe give him the gift cards again i do not know. need your guidance my friend

Well coffee is done, and oven is about to go off so i am off for now, i will be back after 7 when h goes to work

hugs
bear

[JennyF]

Hey Bear,
Happy New Year.

For his birthday...I don't know about that one. I wouldn't plan anything big. Can you feel him out in advance as to whether he has plans? I woudn't do a big gift. Maybe just a card or something really small. More of a gesture than anything.
If you're going to take him for dinner, then a card is sufficient. Let dinner be his gift.

You sound so focused...good for you.

J~

[Jeanette1120]

bear

I'm sure you've noticed by now that nothing goes as you planned or you both planned or pre-planned. It just does not happen like that anymore. It will be a long time before you can start to plan anything that includes him.

This is what I would do for his birthday. NOTHING! ok, so a simple Happy Birthday if/when you see him. I have a feeling that he will be working an extra shift or something. Holidays, birthdays, weekends...they all make them nervous. They avoid anything that draws any sort of attention to them.

I truly am sorry that he was not even man enough to look at the presents. I am not going to say we told you so......but I will say that a few of us knew what the outcome was going to be. It's par for the course dahling. Your emotions do not shut down quite like thiers.

Seriously bear......plan nothing for his birthday. Just go with the flow. If he mentions going out then go. Thats it. No card, no gift card, no nothing. I know this goes against everything you stand for, but please remember how the Christmas gifts were received.

I also want you to start paying attention to the money that is spent. A coach purse is not inexpensive. I am not saying to start snooping, just be aware of what is going on. If you are on his accts then you can either access them online or walk into the bank and ask for a mini statement. This is only for your protection bear. Nothing more.

I am so thankful that my xhusband had is own credit cards and I had mine. Those that I was on of his, I took myself off. He's over 60,000.00 in debt right now, and makes well over 6 digits a year. His credit is shot.


Now, you have asked for guidance and I will go over it once again. Remember the Christmas gifts. This should be all the answer you need in regards to his birthday, if not then I shall say it again.....do not do anything exept wish him happy birthday if you are given the chance. Let him suggest going out to dinner.....DO NOT cook him anything special. Eat a bowl of cereal. You can always say your watching what you eat as to not waste all that hard work at they gym.

Now it's your decision to accept my guidance or not. But the other ways you've tired have NOT worked. So this means TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

Hugs my friend. This will be a good year!

Jeanette

[phbear316]

Hi Jenny

Happy new year to you! Read on your posts sounded like you had a nice one!

Good for you!

I don't know about the birthday issue, think i am just going to sit back and see how this one will go.

Not sure of what i will do as of right now.

Focused, not even close, i may sound it but not feeling it.

hugs
bear