Just for the RECORD, I want everyone here to attest to the fact that SOMEONE ELSE brought up You Know Who, regarding You Know What. Corri did not, because I said I wouldn't ever bring IT up again. I was talking to IC.
But if the discussion applies, potentially, to others... well, I guess I can't help that. Especially when OTHER people point it out.
IC: There's more to the Stone discussion. I'm waiting for you to catch up.
I've got a wife and 2 beautiful girls and they are the ONLY reason that I can come up with to battle my cancer. That SCARES the hell out of me ! I'm not doing it for me ! It scares me to think that if they were not apart of my life...I WOULD not fight this ! I would see this as a somewhat dignified way to finally escape the emotional pain that I feel.
.......Without her and the girls, this would probably kill me...and I would let it.
IC, I'm calling you out on this ! This is complete and utter bullsh!t and you know it ! Putting the cancer aside, you talk of this pain from your past that you're trying to escape. That pain is REAL, I'm not discounting that..but the IC I met and fell in love with...STILL had this pain, but yet you still had this amazing zest for life..before me, before the girls and now all of the sudden WE'RE the only reason you don't lay down and let cancer kill you ??? Bullsh!t IC, BULLSH!T!!!
You want to talk hockey..lets talk hockey {As Miss IC rolls up her sleeves} You talk about cancer bearing down on you.."attacking" you, "is it going to bowl me over?".....OMG !!! Bear with me folks, I might be wrong on this but..yes!..yes!..yes!, please do answer Corri's question about when you get knocked on your ass - What do you do? And while you're thinking of that, I've got a few more for ya along with how I feel about them and why.
1. What do you do when you get knocked on your ass in hockey? My answer...you get up, pissed at yourself for whatever reason and you channel that anger into DETERMINATION, you come back and take your buddy, or that promising 17 or 18 year old player to school on the next play. You don't see or hear it IC..I do, I see it when they come back to the bench after a shift against you..I hear it from their parents sitting next to me in the stands. They're there to beat YOU, not your team, not your goalie..they're there to beat YOU. You're their measuring stick to where they are at in their game. I didn't see you in your "heyday" but to me, this speaks volumes about the kind of player you ARE..NOW! They all admire you for that..why do you think that is so?
2. IC, what did you do when you were pissed off, angry and hurt about what had become of our marriage? My answer...you channeled that anger into DETERMINATION to change things, to change you into what you are, to make our marriage as good as you can possibly make it. Why do you think I admire you so much?
3. What did you do when your sister called last week about your nephew's deer? My answer...you were angry, but again you channeled that anger into DETERMINATION to go over there, take your nephew by the ear and make him do what you felt was right. Why do you think he admires you so much?
4. What were you feeling when the doctor's working on your knee, told you that you need to slow down, that your knee might not come back as strong as you'd like? My answer...I saw it in your eyes IC..I saw it right then and there...in YOUR eyes..that you have a DETERMINATION to prove that doctor wrong and that is why you're pushing yourself so hard in this rehab. That doctor is going to admire you WHEN you prove him wrong..why do you think that he will?
IC, you don't know how to lash out in anger do you? Your whole life, the stories you've told me, the times we've had...you DON"T know how to lash out in anger. It's not a character flaw, it's just that I see it as you channel your anger into a DETERMINATION to take the kid to school on the next play, to right the wrong in your marriage, to teach the nephew a lesson, to prove the doctor wrong...only with this cancer, you can't find anything to channel that anger towards...can you? And that is what I feel scares the hell out of you, why you feel lost, confused...am I getting close?
I know you too well and I think I'm getting warmer on this aren't I? Next question is what do we do about it? I'm not sure I can answer this for you...you've got homework to do my boy. I'll always be here for you and you're not going to scare me away..ok !
Now, if I'm pissing you off, by all means, rip me a new one. It might feel good to get it out of your system. But my above discussion still stands.
BTW Corri...I hope you do piss him off Not in the since to just make him mad, just that I KNOW how he deals with anger. I know this sounds odd, but right now...I WANT him pissed !
I think as most will attest, pissing people off is not a big problem for me.
But I think there is a bit more at play here before IC's determination will really kick it in. I know it scares you to see him NOT pissed off. He just has one little thing to find first... and he will.
.....What we have here, what we are discussing, is the same exact thing. You talk of your hey day in hockey as if it were that valuable stone. The stone doesn't have anything to do with it, honey. The game of hockey didn't either. It's what's in the man and what he brought TO the game... it is the same exact thing inside the woman who had no problem giving her stone away in the first place.
You have that. You just don't seem to know it at the moment.....
....But I think there is a bit more at play here before IC's determination will really kick it in. I know it scares you to see him NOT pissed off. He just has one little thing to find first... and he will.
I hope he is thinking on that rock story....
I'm not ignoring the other posts, just not much time to respond to them all yet but...
Corri, you're NOT pissing me off..I've read the story, these posts, I've thought about them all...WHAT?..what is this thing that I GOT ? WHAT is this thing I'm looking for that you're so confident that I'll find ? You say I have it but don't seem to know it at the moment..WHAT??? WTF do I have but yet can't seem to find?
It's times like this that force people to look inside themselves and find out what they really know and what they really believe. I'm not talking specifically about religion, although religion can be part of it. I mean, what do you believe about how the universe works? Do you believe that bad things like cancer are totally random re whom they strike? or is a vengeful God punishing us? or is a demanding God purifying us in the fires of suffering? or is it karma-- payback for some past misdeed? is there no order or meaning at all and getting cancer or being in the Twin Towers on September 11 is just plain bad luck? is cancer strictly hereditary-- bad luck to be born with some messed up chromosomes? or a result of a myriad of physical causes too numerous ever to pin down and avoid?
What do YOU believe is happening to you?
Lill, I haven't really thought much about the "why" this is happening to me. I don't feel that God is punishing me for some past sins. I believe He tests us, He tests our faith in Him through various means...this might be one of them.
But at the same time, there is a part of me that feels "yea, this might be totally random." This is the part that sees a small child battling cancer...if it's a test of faith, why is this small child that basically is too young to fully understand if at all, just what faith is? What is the purpose of their suffering?
I think a lot of tests are self imposed, I feel He looks at them, not as a test of faith towards Him, but how well we are prepared in our own will that is generated by that faith. I'm sorry, I don't feel my knee injury is an act of God to test my faith in Him. I feel that it's a test of my own will that is provided to me by my faith in God....ok... I see now how your questioning is trying to get me to think...insert "cancer" in place of "knee injury." Right? The answers are there...just have to know where and how to look for them.
But at the same time, there is a part of me that feels "yea, this might be totally random." This is the part that sees a small child battling cancer...if it's a test of faith, why is this small child that basically is too young to fully understand if at all, just what faith is?
IC, if you can think of cells replacing themselves every so often there is bound to be some variations.
I don't see God or anything testing us. Bad things happen to good people and bad people have some incredibly good fortune.
I have been around long enough and heard performing "heart surgery" was playing God. Other surgery was just practicing good medicine.
I heard AID's was God's punishment for homosexuality and needed to be thought of and treated different than other body fluid transmission diseases.
From http://www.drgreene.com/21_1036.html We know that hepatitis B virus (HBV), human immunodeficiency virus (HIV), and cytomegalovirus (CMV) can live in children’s blood, urine, and/or saliva. All of them can be transmitted by blood—blood from an infected individual entering the bloodstream of another. HBV and HIV would be extremely difficult to pass in saliva or urine (because the amount of virus there is so small), but CMV is known to spread both ways, especially in the daycare setting.
So is HIV a curse from God or just another body fluid transmission disease? I tend to see it as another body fluid transmission disease.
I don't want to influence your beliefs. I just want to emphasize some cells fail to replicate in a healthy way. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oncology
My daughter worked for in an oncology dept at a hospital, and yes life sucks sometimes. I saw people be cured/held in remission and some die.
In addition to a good medical team, faith, friends, and an optimistic outlook helps.
Just my opinions IC. From one tundra to another. It's a whole +6f right now. What happened to the almost +70f a couple of weeks ago?
Especially when OTHER people point it out.
Not in the since to just make him mad, just that I KNOW how he deals with anger. I know this sounds odd, but right now...I WANT him pissed !
