Thursday Rock

[inspiredjulie]

Yep stub, you're right. It is time to think of the kids... but it's also time for their mom to think of herself.

Kev...

he's asking this since he knows it's the only way HE would get to be with the girls on Christmas morning. I think it's almost COMPLETELY all about him, and almost NOT AT ALL about what the girls want.

I've no doubt this could be packaged any way we want it. But I'm sure it is also about him and not just about what is best for the girls. I'm w/ figgy in that I'm starting my own traditions and he can start his own. But there comes a time when I have a right to say, no, this is my time with the kids and feel justified in that. Thus the convo w/ the counselor next week.

Thanks for stopping by, friends...

[Lissie]

Julie my H is the same way.

He only looks out for number 1

I have a hard time with this stuff too.

What Bethie said sounds so right too.

I usually give in when it comes to the kids.

B/c I don't want them to hurt.

I rather take it upon my self, and that is probably not the way to go about it either.

The responses here have me thinking too.

[inspiredjulie]

Lissie... I can't say that my X 'has disappointed' the kids in the past other than thru the D. But I still feel that I am entitled to my time with them. I totally understand your position. ANd that's big of you. But you do deserve to put yourself first. This might be different if he wasn't going to have them all Christmas Eve day until 6PM and then all afternoon/evening of Christmas day. kwim?

Suzy... we just try to handle the sitch best we can as it is thrown at us. I know OW is probably mothering my kids, but they can never have too many people loving them. So as long as people treat my kids as wonderfully as they deserve, I don't mind that. But I will not be replaced.

Bethie...

Hey Babe

You've called me babe twice today. Brought a tear to my eye...
So I hear you all and I feel duly justified. But I will keep an open mind, talk to my C, and consider this as I told him I would.

[bright_new_day]

If the WAS requested of a LBS to spend Christmas morning together with the kids' at the LBS' house so that they can both be there when the kids come out to see what Santa brought and the WAS appealed to the LBS to consider what was best for the kids and what the kids would MOST WANT on that day and if there was a discussion with the kids beforehand to discuss false hopes and expectations, what would a LBS do/think/feel???

This scenario was actually what I originally wanted and had requested of my STBXH. I thought it would be good for the kids. Since that original proposal by me things have deteriorated and HE has said he can not be around me because I am "so full of hate." Whatever! I guess my opinion would be if it will not be painful for you, then do it. Maybe plan on having some other family around as well to make it easier.

[bright_new_day]

Interesting perspective, Lissie, thanks...

My only question right away is: When did this become about what the kids would most want?

There's the irony. Now that their selfish needs are fulfilled (getting the D and the OW) they will consider "what's best for the kids."

[stubborn]

I'd feel duly justified in slapping the crap out of him...and so would you. Just dreaming outloud. They really do want it all don't they?

You're so good. wasn't it tempting to just spit in his direction and wipe the dirt off your shoes? it would be funny if it weren't just one more thing designed to make you look like the bad guy...hmmmm....where have I seen that before?

[Lissie]

Lissie... I can't say that my X 'has disappointed' the kids in the past other than thru the D. But I still feel that I am entitled to my time with them. I totally understand your position. ANd that's big of you. But you do deserve to put yourself first.

I do need to put my self first, but I have this thing, that my kids will always come before me

and they are growing really fast, and I know that what my STBX did is just wrong on all levels.

But allowing him to come over , and see the kids for Christmas, in my eyes it is not a rewarding him any, I could care less about him

it is giving some joy to my kids

b/c even tho their dad is a jerk, they see him with loving and forgiving eyes.

And that is why I get stuck

and maybe I would be doing the wrong thing.

But I dunno, I think that for me anyway, I would just let him come over just so I CAN see the smile on my kids face

bleh

I'm a sucker

[BaseballAnnie]

You are not a sucker, Liss.

Because, regardless of how parents split Christmas, truly there is only one Christmas morning. There is only one "come down the stairs, all wild, seeing the Santa stash and screaming, OMG, look what Santa brought us" moment.

And to see the looks on their faces when they do that, with both mom and dad there and both mom and dad getting to share in that moment, setting aside for that moment, all the other crap, well that's something you can give to your children that's impossible to create in any other way, IMO.

But what the fark do I know, cause I don't have any...

[bright_new_day]

Okay, after reading the other opinions I think a lot of people have a point when they say it is time for new traditions. My original plan was sharing Christmas morning, but I can see that may not be the best scenario. Mybe I was trying to hold on to the past, but I realize I have to completely let go and create the future.

[Rob1231]

I agree with the "time for new traditions" crowd and the "it's all about him" crowd.

I have no doubt at all that Christmas At Julie's would be a special, wonderful, memorable, magical time. And having Mr. F-tard there would not do one single thing to enhance that.

P.S. I loved the HO HO HO crack!