What a nice sentiment. I did just get a certificate for a massage from a girlfriend so I'll have to schedule that for next time.
Fig... I usually clean out their rooms, change their sheets and get the house spotless when they are with their dad, but didn't do it this time. Must have worn myself out winterizing the yard and gardens last week and didn't have the ooompah.
I will watch Talladega Nights soon... borrowed it last week and haven't gotten to it.
I just got a collection call at my mom's house for the line of credit payment X is supposed to be paying. I did ask him last night if he was planning on paying it and he said yes, this week.
Can you give them Husbands phone #. I would say he doesn't live there anymore and give his new number. If it's his responsibility to pay the bills then he should be the one taking the harassing!
Thanks Bethie, I did just that. I made sure they had his # and address on file. It won't affect my credit for another week or so so I'll be monitoring online to make sure it's paid.
Just stopping by to say that despite the whirlwind of activity around you (STBX and sis) that it is great to see that your girls come first. (as if there was any doubt) And I too remember those lip gloss tins. My mom used to hate when I left them in my jeans pocket. They can really ruin a load of laundry!
Me: 41 H: 42 Married: 13Y, together 24 Kids: S11, S9, D6 Bomb: 7/11/06, now piecing
I feel like I have some unfinished business with old friendships that I've chosen to let go of b/c of their stance on my current sitch and I can't decide if that's fair to them- and what is fair to me?
Dearest Julie---
Lots to say but only a minute to post, but I want to whack you with a very loving, nicely padded 2x4 for your comment above.
You have the right to associate with whoever you want to associate with. It's not a question of "fair," it's a question of who you feel good around and choose to spend your time with. *If* the way they've responded to your situation doesn't feel good to you, then you have the right to step away.
If you're feeling guilty about it, the only other suggestion I have is to be direct with them about why you're pulling away. But most definitely don't feel bad about not spending time with people who are not adding to your life.
Are you one of those "pleaser" types? Do you put your own needs last? Honey...the best thing you can possibly do for ANYONE on this planet is to take care of YOU first.
You are Julie, let's hear you roar!
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
Are you one of those "pleaser" types? Do you put your own needs last? Honey...the best thing you can possibly do for ANYONE on this planet is to take care of YOU first.
You are Julie, let's hear you roar!
This is sooooo true!!!! I have a very dear friend that is a "people pleaser." She's in very poor health, yet her "friends" constantly take advantage of her. It's so frustrating for me to watch this going on. However, I've decided that me saying anything to her about it just adds to her stress so I try to keep quiet (not an easy feat for me, as y'all know).
SD is right. Take care of yourself first and everyone around you will feed off your happiness.
Well, 1st things 1st... I'm much calmer now and am not at risk of popping a gasket...
Thanks SD and care and Jill for stopping by. You all are right and I am a pleaser. I'm trying, I really am. But with this sitch, it feels unfinished. We had some best friends when we lived in Oregon that we did everything with. The wife and I commuted to college and our friendship blossomed from there. We've been back to see them every other year or so and stay in communication. When everything hit the fan, the wife was really quick to say that they weren't going to take sides, whatever. But then last spring, I sent them an email saying it looked like my attempts to maintain our family weren't going to be successful and she said she knew that b/c X had been in contact w/ her H. I just felt icky- like I was the moron who thought there might be more of a chance than there was. And I know the crap X is saying about me TO MY FAMILY, so I have no doubt that these friends aren't getting the whole story from 'slick willy'. Which doesn't really matter. What matters to me is that I feel different about our friendship now. So I don't respond to her emails. Most of the emails are mass emails sent to everyone w/ pics of their son. But I don't respond. Yet, I think about them. But who am I to tell them who they can and can't be friends with? But it is a deal breaker for me. Anyway, rambling there...
So yesterday I was looking for a recipe book that my MIL gave me for my bridal shower. It had some of her family's favorite recipes and I had written some of my favorite recipes in it. I couldn't find it anywhere so I left X a msg asking if he'd seen it. He left me a message saying he had it and wanted to keep it, but that I could borrow it to make copies. I almost exploded. But I just texted him to leave it on the porch and I'd make copies. So I picked it up today, took out the recipes I don't use, copied the ones I do and am giving those to him, BUT I AM KEEPING THE BOOK CUZ SHE GAVE IT TO ME!!!!!! I also left him an assortment of other cookbooks on his doorstep. That just chapped my hide.
Then this morning, got into a chat w/ D6 about the D again. She asked if we could just un-D and I said no. We talked about how we both love her, but don't love each other. She said her dad loves OW and she is his GF and they are going to get M'd. And she wondered what it would be like to have a new mom. I told her when I get remarried, who would her dad be? And she said 'X'.. so I said when dad gets remarried, who will your mom always be? And she said 'you'. I need to be able to just let this sh!t go you guys and not let it yank my chain. I fully expect them to get M'd. And I am feeling so on a warpath lately.
But... went to target and did some lovely retail therapy getting ready for Santa's elves to start visiting December 1 so I am HAPPY now. Please don't be scared of me. I promise not to run with scissors. I need to start going to church every morning until I can work thru some of my frustrations with X. Starting tomorrow.
I'm fine, really. Just venting here and thanks for listening!
Why would you think that any of what you said was over the top? I imagine that you would be disappointed in old friends for taking such a blase' attitude. Do you think that they know that the deal breaker had anything to do with his having an affair? Maybe that little detail was never mentioned. Regardless, I can more than understand!
The fact that he took the recipe book, and failed to mention that until you asked, would burn my butt as well. If he didn't think you would mind he would have asked. So yes, caught again! Since it was a present to you you have every right to keep it. I actually think that it was very nice of you to copy the recipes for him.
It makes me feel so sad that your little one is so consumed with how her life has changed and a tad anxious of what is to be. The best part is that she KNOWS that she can go to you with these concerns. She KNOWS that it's safe and that you will love her just the same. My shrink told me that kids do this because they feel to a certain extent as if they've already lost the parent who left, and they are afraid to ask questions of the waw fearing that it could push the parent away for good. So sad that at 6 years old she should have these concerns!
I promise not to run with scissors. I need to start going to church every morning until I can work thru some of my frustrations with X. Starting tomorrow.