Cat, I second that! Piglet said it so well. It is so much negative energy. As I said to H yesterday, I HATE who I am when I'm looking at cell phones and being suspicious. I don't want to be that way. It is sometimes hard to resist the temptation to snoop.
Aud, I was on the infidelity borads for a while, too. My name was aidandylan. Then I changed it becuase if my H found it, he would pick my name out in an instant.
Anyway, it is hard to let them figure it out for themselves. And you're right that we've all come such a long way since this started. To revert back to OUR old ways does nobody any good -- especially ourselves. Looking back, I really don't like who I was. YUK... so, glad I went through this trauma so that I could come out of it better.
Hang in there, Aud.
PS.. how old are your kids?
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
Wish I had some very deep thoughts for you, but today I can only send you hugs and prayers. It really hurts when the part of your life that should be the best part is your worst part. The snooping thing doesn't work, I feel I would rather go with the I don't care any more. If they are going to do something, they will do it. No matter what we do or say, they have their choices to make and their decisions to deal with. Don't blow away all the hard work you have done, just to fall into old traps.
Thanks for the hugs and prayers Phoenix. Really. Right back at ya.
Peaceful--I agree, no going back to the old ways, and eh, I think I'll just keep getting better and better. I'm glad for the strength born of the trauma--it's already helping me in other areas of my life.
I am realizing (finally) that just because guilt or disapproval is thrown at me, I don't have to accept it and carry it. I can choose to drop it and love freely--if others resent me, that's their burden to carry.
P.S. I have a gorgeous D6, an adorable S3, and a truly sweet D1. They make every day worth living (even when they've driven me to my limits!).
I just read one of you post and something stuck out to me that many people should read.....
Quote:
As for being in 'piecing' forever...I suspect that you might be right when you say that maybe that's the way M is supposed to be. It certainly won't do for us to start taking things for granted again, otherwise, what have we learned?
You pretty much hit the nail on the head with this one.
Keep it up...:P
Ben
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
Aud, My kids are S4 (almost 5) and S3. We're about the same age, so I suspected you also had young kids. It's hard taking care of them and piecing our M back together, isn't it?
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
Sigh. Yes, it's been very hard taking care of them and dealing with all of this. It's better now, for sure. I hope that someday they forgive me for getting a little crazy now and then.
Last night W was trying to tell me how difficult I was making this on the kids by "dragging this out". I don't see it that way. I see how I am standing up for what is best for them. Therefor I have no regrets and they don't seem to be voicing any concerns to me.
Again, being selective with my words and approach.
The kiddos and I met H for dinner at a restaurant last night. It was...an adventure. D6 does pretty well in public now, and S3 isn't too bad as long as he sits on my lap. Mexican food with a kid on your lap is, shall we say, an adventure in keeping a steady hand? D1 was cute until she got bored with her chips and salsa, and then she became a handful.
H was pretty short tempered with them all (even though for most of the dinner, all three kids crammed themselves on my side of the booth). I actually felt fine--it was inconvenient, but they're little, and we don't get to go out all together very often. My dismay was more with H and his negative comments towards the kids.
I'm not going to dwell on it, but it was just an illustration for me of some the things that disappoint me. He loves us, but is patient only as long as we're not an inconvenience to him. He is not very involved in their lives--lately they see him for only a few minutes in the morning, because he doesn't come home until they are asleep at night. His mechanical projects are more important. He does not appear to share my feelings about the importance of teaching them values by word and example.
Neither of us are perfect. (Though I want to be!) I get short tempered with the kids every day--generally reach my limit around late afternoon. I'm trying to do better. I think my disappointment lies in the fact that sometimes I think I made a poor choice in spouses...I was young and dumb and just assumed he would be my equal when it came to building a life together, because we come from the same background and were so compatible. Guess I was wrong!
I've learned enough to know that no one is perfect, every marriage has challenges, and he has potential to be everything I want and need. He just has to want that too...which is way beyond my control. Yuk. End of complaining.
I'm glad for the strength born of the trauma--it's already helping me in other areas of my life. 
Something tells me that someday you will have a relationship that is the envy of everyone who knows you...