Hi folks, I've been here before, but stopped posting when things with my H went downhill again.
So, my stroy is so long, so I'll try to sumarize...
Jan '06 - ILYBNILWY Feb - H moved out Feb - Found out about OW March - H came home - for a week April - Mediation -- headed for D May - H came back the second time saying he never loved OW, that I'm the only one he ever loved but somewhere along the way, he lost his ability to love. June - H started seeing a C
The next year was filled with lots of back & forths. H would say he wants nothing but me and our M and our kids, but coulnd't completely let go of OW. Each time I found out about any contact with OW, I kicked him out (he still had an appt of his own). And everytime I kicked him out, he went to OW only to find out within days that he didn't want to be with her. That pattern repeated a number of times. I'm leaving out a lot of details here.
Flash forward to today: H has moved back home (since May '07). It was a very rocky summer. H almost moved out again. He is now with a new C who is focused on changing behavior (as opposed to the talk it out traditional therapy). H and I have made great progress. His contact with OW is over (I THINK). But we still have setbacks and I find that every day is a struggle. Keeping a M together is a constant battle.
Throughout this whole process, there has been progress both with me and H. But it is still hard.
So, I am giving this board another try in hopes that I will continue to be "piecing".
This M stuff is hard work!
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
Always, Thanks for stopping by! I've been thinking about you lately. Gonna stop by your thread now to see what's up with you these days.
The boys are doing well. They love having their daddy home. That is my biggest fear with all this stuff... it's them. I can handle whatever happens with my M at this point, but they are so young and fragile... they can only take so much.
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
Lord Greenville, I just read your post on my other thread (I posted two identical posts by accident). So, In attempt to keep only one going, I'm copying and pasing your question in this one...
Quote:
Hi Peaceful Spirit,
I wish you the best of luck in your piecing efforts. You sound like you've summoned up amazing amounts of patience. Keep up the faith and no matter what happens you will know that your spirit made every loving attempt to support the bond of love with your husband's spirit.
Could I ask you a question or two? My wife and I are meeting with a mediator for two hours tomorrow (11/5/07), and she seems determined to dissolve our marriage. Do you believe that any of the conversations or process of mediation led to your husband's change of heart?
I am trying to figure out how I should best handle my end of the conversations. She wants to talk about division of assets, but I still am having a hard time accepting that our almost 20 year marriage could be over in a few weeks, with no understanding of what happened. She still has not ever expressed or explained what led her to decide the marriage was over for her (and she had never verbally indicated dissatisfaction with our marriage). Maybe this is just another example of a MLC/OM affair/reality shift, that can have no logic or reason factored in.
What happened in my case was after mediation, we talked for about an hour in the parking lot. Well, actually I did all the talking. I just had said that I didn't know what happened to him and that I was woried about who he had become. I asked why he did waht he did, etc... I ended it by giving him the name of a C and suggesting he go. I think some things I had said during that convo got to him.
My advice to you is to be calm, nice and in control of your emotions. Keep it like a business arrangement.
Good luck to you.
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
