MCC, I would follow Husband's lead on this one. The less sentimental the better. Do the card just to acknowledge the day. And you should probably skip tying the kids in with it. Too much guilt in that. Think that would backfire.
Also DO NOT EXSPECT ANYTHING IN RETURN. Not a thank you, not a gift, not a hug nothing. Do it because YOU want to recognize this occasion. Your card to her is your gift to you .
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
So the roller coaster has a few turns in it that just weren't expected...
Tuesday evening she showed an interest in ML. I was surprised actually because of the D conversation we had earlier but maybe it was guilt or she was just needing some. I know that I was!
The night went fine but we ended up staying up way too late (she's been running her father to various doctor appointments). As we were on our way to bed, she was still willing to have some fun. I told her that there was no reason to push through with it and that if we were going to ML, we should do it when neither of us was so tired - what's the sense in just 'doing it'.
This has been an issue in our past. She agreed and we postponed.
Even without the ML, I felt really good about the whole thing. Not that I associated it her wanting to reconcile, I know that is not the case.
So last night I kind of hinted at a do-over and she agreed. Cool! We did our own things for most of the evening. At one point I made it clear that I didn't want to ML out of feelings of obligation. I wasn't going to push for it and I wasn't going to be upset if she declined. She said "Don't worry, I understand".
At bedtime she took a bath and we go to bed. Looking at her, I could tell she wasn't interested or at least she seemed to be too tired.
Me: We don't have to do this you know. She: Well, we put it off last night so let's go ahead. Me: But if you're too tired or not interested, there's no sense. She: But YOU are interested. Me: Yes but if you're not, I can wait. She: Yeah, I'm not in the mood. Haven't been. Me: Even last night before it got too late? She: Even last night. Just not horny. Not yet. Me: Well then I don't want to do it either. I've tried telling you that I'm not like that. I don't want you to feel obligated. If you're not interested, you should tell me.
So I got up and went out for a drink of water. She began crying in bed. This is where I'm not sure if I've made a mistake or not...
Go back to the room and ask her why she's crying:
She: I really don't want to talk about it. Me: Is it him? She: Yeah. I'm just having a bad day.
I sit on the bed for a few minutes. Not feeling good at all now.
Me: So you're going to lay in my bed, right next to me, crying about that relationship? She: I'm not crying anymore, I'll be fine <of course she was still crying> Me: You understand I can't have you mourning the loss of THAT while you don't give US a second thought? I can't have you sleeping in here tonight. She: I'll be fine, but okay, I'll leave.
So she got up and slept on the couch.
This morning, of course, we haven't said 2 words to each other...
Latest Thread
Me: 39/W: 37 D13-D11-S8 M/T 14/20
EA confirmed: 9/13/07 D-Bomb: 9/19/07 OM Gone since 12/18/07 W wants to fix marriage: 3/16/07
You set a boundary of what you will not accept. You didn't draw a line out of anger. A cup of cold water in her face will do her some good. You demonstrated how strong you really are. Don't count on any happy endings for a while.
and she agreed. Cool! We did our own things for most of the evening. At one point I made it clear that I didn't want to ML out of feelings of obligation. I wasn't going to push for it and I wasn't going to be upset if she declined. She said "Don't worry, I understand".