just off the phone with my friend. I feel a bit more confident about saturday. not great, mind you, but a bit more like I have some control over things. which I do. he has an agenda, one that he isn't willing to share right now. perfectly fine for me to listen and tell him I need time to process and will get back to him.
the hardest thing in the world for me is to not have a kneejerk reaction, to not have an emotional one, to not try to fix/answer/defend. but hopefully the prep work I am doing now will help pay off on saturday.
switching to Crucial Conversations tonight.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
LOL! Its ok to DB'ing them, heck, we are DB'ing our spouses, and they act like children. See, it works on 'real' kids too.
I never thought about the fact he might want talk about the kids and OW. I really think this talk is about you and him, not the kids. I don't know why, but I do. Whether its good or bad, we won't know. I am thinking of you.
That totally cracked me up because I need to DB my kids too!
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
I say Amen to what Fearless pointed out. I say yes go in guns blaring armed with a dose of truth and reality. Go down fighting. Let him know how you really feel and screw double talk. Hang on to your integrity. Of course this may not be DBing but at least it is the truth. You do not want a divorce, so let it be known. Kind of how like Jane would not let anyone break up with her. She just said, "No, that is not going to work out for me. You cannot break up with me. So I'll see ya tonight?" Morgan you will be stellar as long as you do not cry. Things only fall apart when you cry! You can do it.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
lol about the jane reference. so true. then she pulled out the big guns, didn't she? sigh. already know I can get to H like that. maybe he sees me as an unflushable?
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
LOL, yeah but it was kind of sexy and cocky. You are a little pistol. Go with it ya sexy thang. At least give him somethang to think about!
You do know I am kidding. Those talks suck. I will not do it without a mediator or a four way with a lawyer or at least a MC. No way will I be a party to a serious R talk. No way.
Last edited by mkultra; 10/24/0711:32 PM.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
I know, mk, I know. I wish the right wax job would be all it took. but really, it didn't work for jane now, did it?
I want to be like susan...she wouldn't put up with this crap, not for one minute. but then again...even after she dumped him, she did find a way to get him back, now, didn't she (wow, I know this show waaaaay too well).
I kind of wish I had recommended doing this with a MC present. I think what I will do (hopefully) is listen, take it in, tell him I need to process it and will get back to him, and if I find that I would be more comfortable continuing in front of a mc once I do process it, will tell him exactly that. brilliant of you, don't know why I didn't think about that.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
can I just say, I had a great time with the kids tonight. we read 3 new stories and had a great time with them, then I put them to bed. each gets to pick a song...normally they pick ones like "hush little baby" or "twinkle twinkle little star" but tonight they were silly...my 5 year old made me sing, "fins" and my d3 made me sing, "cheeseburger in paradise." very silly choices for bedtime songs, but we had a great time with them and were laughing and I was amazed that they really do know all the words (they sang with me) even without the music on in the background. these are the moments that I treasure, and the times when I really feel sorry for H. look what he is giving up? look what he is so casually letting go of? sure, he gets the kids a couple of nights a week, but its not the same as being here full time. not even close. and he is choosing to leave this life...he regrets the fact that this was his life. shocking to me. just shocking.
Last edited by morgan; 10/24/0711:51 PM.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Let's try something. Instead of saying "Boy H is sure missing out", let's tell ourselves "I am so lucky to be here for this memory". We are focusing on us again, not them.
And instead of telling yourself you will save your major breakdowns for when he leaves, tell yourself you don't need to majorly breakdown at all.
HUGS my morgan.
PS: Your kids are brilliant to suggest those songs at bedtime.
lwb, that is actually what my first thought was...how lucky I was. but yeah, I did think of H and all he is missing out on, too. and I thought of my kids, and why they had to draw the short straw in all of this. its not fair, they deserve more.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
