I don't know if I should continue to DB.

[forward]

Well, today he seemed angry again. He breezed in and breezed out and didn't say much to me.

I had sent a note to his email. As I expected, he did not respond and I do not expect him to.

I am very nervous about him filing but if he does I can find L to drag feet.

[forward]

Today I am going to the pumpkin patch w/mom's group.

Left a message at L's office so will likely speak w/him tomorrow. I worry about custody of D1.5 and need to figure out what to do.

I realize I have a crush on someone i work with. I think this is what happens when you are distressed and someone is a good listener and is kind.

[forward]

H indicated that he wants to move forward w/paperwork. I just cried.

DB C urged me to consider that there could be progress made even if H says he is moving forward. He actually does show some sympathy for me now, for the first time since I started this process.

Also pointed out that my vulnerability seems to get him to open up. It is as if he expects me to not have feelings and I am showing him otherwise.

I don't know--I hope for the best but expect the worst. I do know that I am talking to a L on Thursday, because H is continuing on his freight train and I'm not getting on it with his L.

As far as the crush, well, I am just human. Fortunately the crushee has kept some distance and that is just as well.

[w8ing]

Breton - Has anything happened that triggered this movement toward doing paperwork...did I miss something?

I have read so many situations on these boards and heard from my divorce lawyer friend that "it ain't always over when it seems like it is over".

It really is just paperwork - it doesn't make anything final.... But I know it was probably hard to hear. I haven't heard it yet, so you may be giving me my advice back in the near future.

I'm glad that you are seeing a L to protect yourself and your D. I keep thinking that I can handle most anything as long as I get custody....

Don't know what to say about the crush...I'm so far away from that that I can't even imagine it... Just be smart....

I hope for the best but expect the worst.

Can you change this? How about "I hope for the best but prepare for the worse". I'm always afraid that if I expect something - it may come true...

Hang in there Breton!
w8ing

[inmyplace]

w8ing,

You said:

Can you change this? How about "I hope for the best but prepare for the worse". I'm always afraid that if I expect something - it may come true...

One thing that I learned through all of this is not to expect. (I don't mean total lack of expectation because there are still very basic levels of expectations, i.e. kids will do homework, the ex will provide a safe environment for children, my boss will tell me what is expected of me on the job, that kind of stuff) But, in general, I have very linmited expectations of anyone. What it does is keepe me on an even keel. When things go awry, it isn't so bad. When things go great, it is a real blessing.

As for preparation, we should be prepared for things the best we can. We can't be ready for anything, buit there are certain things we can prepare for. Breton, in your case, you have an attorney. Good prep.

IMP

[forward]

Well, H said he would talk w/me about D today and did not.

H talked about his job. Same complaining. His eyes still look weird to me--very paranoid. Still deep in replay and probably not coming out of it for a while. I think at least 6 more months. His parents are upset as well.

I see L on Thursday. I will not see H tomorrow (because I am going out, woo-hoo!). So it is a day that will come easier.

I decided that when H mentions D again, I will challenge him to kickboxing match. =)

[still hoping]

Hey b,

Thanks for stopping by my thread. I've been following your sitch too, as we seem to be in similar situations in terms of continuing to stand and have been at this for almost the same amount of time.

I've had moments of clarity recently, which I've just posted about, and am feeling so much more relieved about my situation now. Like a weight has been lifted.
My H is still deep in replay as well. But I think I'm finally really learning to "let go".

Glad to hear that you are going out and having fun.

[forward]

well, today I saw attorney. It made me feel better about things, to a point. I feel as if I spoke with someone who really understood the whole D process--plus he was a former judge.

H has not brought up any progress on D, so I don't know what to think. I have avoided snooping.

I went out last night and had fun and that was a good thing.

My crush wore off a little. It sort of flares up when I am lonely or feeling bad about relationship and tends to disappear when I haven't seen him fora while/am feeling optimistic about H.

[forward]

I went to visit ILs. Had promised to visit so I followed through. I think H might have filed petition for D as I overheard them talking to him on phone. I am scared to see him tonight.

Clear that entire IL family thinks H is dumb to be doing this and they do not like OW. But again, they will support him (and her) when it comes down to it.

[forward]

H mentioned D proceedings again today. Wants to talk tomorrow. I am so very nervous.

He was a little mean to me tonight, too. Criticizing me with the baby. He had not been nasty to me like that for quite a while. It's as if he has to find a reason to be angry with me again?

I told H that we missed him--and then, specifically, that I missed him--when I told him about my trip to see his family. DB C told me to be willing to be a little vulnerable. I did not dwell but I did tell him that.

I am just tired of feeling rejected. When I visited his family, I realized H has been rejecting me for a long time.

W8ing, you asked if anything had precipitated the sudden mentioning of D and I do not note anything. Perhaps something on side of OW, I do not know.

I was indeed pleased to hear that grandmother and brother do not like OW. But as I repeated, they will stand by him and her, not me.