Hi guys, Been a while since I have been here. It has been really hectic at work and the business at home. I have to do it by myself with some help from some friends.
Today I guess I needed some advice. Since I last posted my H went on a job with his brother and our son. They finished it in record time and started home. Everyone came home except H. He is bringing his trailer home but he took his OW with him to bring it home. I am sure of this because he calls me in the morning , during the day and always at night. He called yesterday two times each time (get this) when he was in the bathroom. Now how STUPID am I!!!!!!!! To me she was with him and he was trying to hide it. Am I right!!!! I really think I can't take the roller coaster ride any more. He hasn't been home to stay since he got back in August. He stays in his trailer at a park. He comes in and out once in awhile to get things or check things out. He relies on me alot. What a deal he has . He has it great. What man wouldn't want-someone to handle the business and another one to have fun with or whatever.
I guess you can tell I am venting pretty big today. I have decided even if he calls today I am not answering it. My MIL is really good and is so mad at him. She says if he asks me where I am she is going to say I don't know and that I have a life too.. My problem is I have to kinda stay in contact with him because of the finances. We have different things going. If I leave it will hurt financially but I think health wise I will be far better off. I had a friend tell me that my H is getting what he deserves with OW She is the biggest witch with a B that you can imagine and it will come out some day. He said he will look back and apprecitate what he had with me. Who knows...Maybe they are Perfect for each other. Thanks for listening. It did help to vent....
Penny, Good to hear from you. Vent away my dear. It does help, doesn't it? Sounds like he is finding out the real person the OW is. It won't take long that the treasure was right under his roof all the time.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
I just haven't vented to you guys for a long time. Maybe now that I have kinda caught up a little with the work I can actually email you and Saffie.
I am in such a emotional roller coaster and pretty well knowing my m is over. Its just so strange to be best friends with someone you have been married to for 25 years and known for 28. To know that you have to find yourself and move ahead. Its like they always say you have to turn it loose and if it comes back it was meant to be and if it doesn't if wasn't.
I think the OW is really playing her cards right. She isn't going to show my H her wicked side yet. She is a very good manipulator.
Oh well...I just have to quit thinking about him and restructure my life. It is so hard because we are in a partnership with his dad and brother. So not only does it effect us it does them also. It has been a hard couple of years , with my SIL having cancer and we lost my nephew in an accident and another business we are in that didn't do to well. I hate to wreck the partnership too. His parents have taken all of this really hard. I am usually the one that helps them too. I guess I am to caring and don't want to hurt anyone (except OW)...... Boy am I into a venting mood today....Saved it up I guess. Thanks for posting to me YOYO I appreciate it.
Living in some crummy trailer park with a ho and ignoring his business doesn't sound like a great (or productive) life to me. Ick!!! Keep taking care of the business and be proud of your competence and wisdom, and that you are not doing something stupid.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
WEll guys its over. She did go to get his trailer with him. He said that it has been over with us for along time. So I said does that give you the right to do this to me. We are still married. We had a big talk about her. I said it is to hard emotionally to be here by myself while my H is sleeping with someone else. How fair is that. You use me for business and think everything is alright. Why do I deserve to be treated like that. He said he has never treated me like he should have and that it isn't my fault. That I am kind a good mother and have been a good wife and he doesn't know what is wrong. He wants to sit down and divide everything up and he says then give me more. That I have worked really hard. I even told him we get along better than most married couples and our family is a strong supportive one what is wrong. I also told him she is going to try and come between him and the boys and that he has really goood boys. I said that is one thing I don't want him to allow. I said she is already doing it and controlling him. I said I can't do anything about her except tell him that. She is his problem not mine. We have kinda drug this out for a few years. I guess I was in a fairy land dream thinking that it would get ok. I wish I would have found DBing a few years back and maybe it would be different. The man is not happy. He is really an unhappy person. The thing is I know the real him and that isn't who he is. I have a hard time convincing myself that I haven't failed. I am an only child and have tried hard all my life to be caring and succeed and to treat people like you would want to be treated. I wish that I would have been more selfish for myself now. Its bad when the b$!@# ends up with what I have worked for. She will never have to go thru all the hardships and heart aches and financial struggles that we did. She steps in when its easy. One thing the boys are old enough I don't have to worry about her influencing them. She has 4 kids and they all live with their dad because she is such a bad mother. I guess I'm venting again. I am so numb tonight. I know I need to be thinking of me but it is hard when everything around you reminds you of him. Heart ache is a tough one. This effects not only us but his brother and parents too we are partners. It has been a tough year on all of us. WE have been together 28 years and would have been married 26 in Feb. I just can't have the drama any more. We live a small community where everyone knows everyone for 150 miles each way. SO that is another hardship becasue they all know whats happening. People couldn't believe I have stayed this long this is his 2nd Affair. He begged me to come back before and I did. Stupid me. Trying to save my family. I guess I am a little to late.
Thanks to who ever reads this it just helps to write things out.
Oh, my dear Penny... (((HUGS))) My heart is ripping out for you right now.
Is it possible that today was just a whirlwind of emotions for some reason and that things were said that may not necessarily have been meant? Sometimes it's easy to let emotions get the best of us and to lose control and then regret it later. You've been patient this long, so give this a little bit of time to sink in and see what transpires from this.
On the other hand, if this does proceed forward as you discussed with him and you start separating things, etc., maybe that is exactly what is needed in order to get this marriage on track. I know that sounds backwards, but if you truly separate yourself from him, and the reality sets in that you are no longer going to be available for him, he may change his tune and realize once and for all what he would be losing. So this may actually be a positive thing.
Penny, don't lose hope until the end of the road is actually here. It's not over until it's over. As long as you want to hang in there and want to fight, keep fighting.
I wish so much that I could hug you right now. Consider yourself hugged from a distance. Keep your chin up, Penny. You are an amazing, strong, wonderful woman.
My heart hurts for ya. When you said "The man is not happy. He is really an unhappy person. The thing is I know the real him and that isn't who he is."
This is my Wife. I am starting to see changes in her though. During the A she used to get so annoyed with me. I could not do anything right. I know this is going to be hard to believe but I joke around allot. I really enjoy hearing people laugh and see them having a good time. During the Affair when I did something my wife would tell my son that I am being stupid. Last night she told him I was being silly. A little difference but it is a difference.
The other thing you said really bothers me though:
“I have a hard time convincing myself that I haven't failed."
Come on Girl HOW DID YOU FAIL? You stood by him through all this $hit that MOST other people would not have. You gave him a second chance. If you keep thinking this then yes you failed but you failed YOU. We can't have that. You are not a failure. In fact you are stronger that 75 % of all wives. You are not a door mat. You respect yourself. You are there for your kids. You are there for his family.
Where did ya fail?
Stay strong lady. I am sorry but I have been on this board for so long that everyone’s sitchs has run together and I can't remember your exact sitch but the themes are all the same. NOBODY that comes here and tries fails.
We are all winners of our dignity, morals and families. Nothing else matters.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I agree with others that this might not be the end. I think when you actually separate things he might have a rethink. However you need to look after you and not think about H or second guess him. This is time to do what you and your children need.
You have given your H a wonderful W and family and M. It hurts that they can be so blind. As he has done this before maybe it will have to go through the separation and D before he may see the light.
I imagine a lot of his unhappiness is guilt. He may think that doing this makes him 'honest' again and will remove that guilt but sooner or later he will realise that OW is making him feel bad. He has to live with what he has done and the consequences. Although you live with that too you can hold your head up high. You KNOW you have support from your family, his family, friends and the community. Your H will feel isolated. This will not go away. He cannot run from the shame of what he has done. You have no shame.
Penny, I wish I could give you a real hug too.
(((((((HUGS)))))))) Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
