OK, I've been thinking about it, and feeling guilty about the kisses, no matter how "innocent" I pretended them to be. I will definately have to do some boundary, line drawing in this area, especially concerning my own behavior.
As for the wedding ring. I've told many that when the WAS takes it off, it doesn't mean anything and not to let it get to them. I still stand by that. I'll wear the ring or not depending on my decision and feelings. I will not break my wedding vows.
whew. minor I know compared to many crisis, but still.
M45, W45,S15, D10, Bomb 10/3/06, Moved back in 11/6/06, finally ILY 9/07 last thread
glad you posted again, I was getting a bit miffed at you, I sure hope that you never, EVER, let that happen again, if you were my H and I knew you were kissing someone else I'd be so furious and hurt.
From one affection/intimacy deprived person to another, please don't play with fire !! you are putting yourself square into temptation's way, and you will fall eventually if you make yourself such an easy target.
============================= especially now that we got the kiss out of the way ============================ ha!! that's how I got prego with my H (were were engaged, but weren't planning to be parents so fast) , we wanted to get the urges "out of the way". So do yourself a favor and do not go out and meet this woman again.
sitting here with my rolling pin waving wildly, i usually never post on weekend but saw your post and I'd thought i'd stop by to scold you.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I know I am jumping in here mid-stream....but I second what Cat has told you...basically you are playing with fire...you kissed once...okay 3 times...next time will be easier...it isn't out of the way it is square in front of you...talking about the possibility of seeing how things would go "if" your M doesn't work out...well...again, not a good idea because it is funny how all of sudden things can seem not to be working out...I know, I went through that a few times during the time my H was gone...I did get involved with a man although there was no kissing or other intimacy except for a hug and a back rub...but when H and I finally did get back together I felt incredibly guilty about my behavior with a man especially when I KNEW I loved my H...it didn't matter that he had an A...and a PA at that...it didn't matter that he couldn't tell me he loved me....not even for nearly a year after he returned...
Yes it does take time for the WAS to get over the OP if there was one...but given time and patience it does work out...
Sorry for butting in but I do hope things work out for you...piecing is incredibly hard...and you will question yourself often...but if you can make it through with your spouse you will know it was all for a good reason that you endured...
Then I drove my friend home, and received a really nice, loving, kiss (OK, 3) from her. I haven't been kissed in over a year by a woman. wow. But I think we are save. I don't expect to spend much if any time with her, and I think we can be friends, especially now that we got the kiss out of the way.
LN, Agree with the others on this one. Avoid situations like that. I think typically when someone says
Quote:
now that we got the kiss out of the way
, it is more related to that initial awkward tension in a relationship that then opens up the doors for more kissing. Strange that you would see the initial kiss as a transition into a platonic friendship.
I needed the rolling pin. Beat me, spank me, yes that's it, spank me. ;o)
As you might be able to tell, I'm in a good mood. But that doesn't take away from your point - which is well taken. I need to be good. I need to satisfy my needs for companionship, affection, giving, in SAFE ways. I have been doing it, I can do it. I was tempted - OK, I am tempted. It's nice to hear that y'all were tempted too, if only a little bit.
imLIN, What does your screen name stand for? Are you the real LogInName? Are you and your H doing well now? He was gone for 2 years? Geez, my W was gone a month with the OP, then kind of gone while she was here with me for another 6+ months, now gone to another state, but still - 2 years! And I thought I had patience.
Y'all have amazing strength and I'm inspired by you. Thanks. I'll try harder to be an inspiration to others too.
M45, W45,S15, D10, Bomb 10/3/06, Moved back in 11/6/06, finally ILY 9/07 last thread
there you are, glad you see how dangerous it can be to flirt with disaster. We are all tempted, and we will be tempted in the future, so we need to keep a watchful eye.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
My screen name meaning is real simple "I'm Lin"...Short for Linda.
Yes my H and I are doing really well considering how bad things were 3 years ago...piecing was very difficult...and sometimes I questioned my decisions but I am glad I hung in there...and I am glad that I remained faithful to my vows...and I think in many ways my H is too...because this really showed not only my love for him...but the strength I have inside...
My screen name meaning is real simple "I'm Lin"...Short for Linda.
Yes my H and I are doing really well considering how bad things were 3 years ago...piecing was very difficult...and sometimes I questioned my decisions but I am glad I hung in there...and I am glad that I remained faithful to my vows...and I think in many ways my H is too...because this really showed not only my love for him...but the strength I have inside...
So here I am, in Arkansas, visiting my W and daughter. This is strange. It's strange being separated. It's strange being in "her" house. But y'all know that peicing, in any form, is strange.
The first day my W and I are together is always the toughests. This is the first day. I'm working from home (her house, telecommuting)and she went to work, but she came home for lunch. Awkward.
Here is what I'm feeling. I'm feeling she doesn't want me here. I'm looking at her, and at "her" house, and I'm seeing the same frumpy, overweight, messy person that I was married too. Worse - uninteresting person, unable to have an interesting conversation with me, unable to enjoy the things I enjoy. Can I enjoy what she enjoys? Not a lot. How much TV can a person watch?
I'm thinking, why am I bothering? Am I doing this for the kids? I bet there is someone else out there who would like to share a life with me, who would be interesting and interested, who would be happy to see me. Would the kids be hurt at this point if we divorced? We would stay friends, and keep their safety as our first priority. Nothing would be different if we divorced, except, maybe, I could find more peace and happiness by myself, or with someone else.
Why did I drive for 14 hours straight to come here? My daughter, of course, and the hope that my M can still survive. Is it worth it? Yes, my D is great! It's worth it to see her.
So, it's the first day. Maybe the next day, or the next, will be better. Maybe we'll have a good talk or resolve something. I fear what we'll resolve is to divorce.
Don't ask questions you don't want to hear the answer too. Should I ask her what she wants - if she wants me and wants to see if we can build a relationship, long distance and all? What if her answer is No. What if her answer is I don't know? What if her answer is Yes? What is my answer?
I think my answer is I want to rebuild our marriage. I think I'm ready to move on if need be too. I know it will still hurt like hell if we divorce, but I know I can do it.
I think my W's answer will be that she is trying, but doesn't really know what she wants.
How long do I wait? How many times have I seen that question from people here? And what is the answer - Only you can tell when you've had enough.
Damn her. I still think we can be great together and have a great chance to acheive a great marriage.
Well, wish me luck. Maybe tomorrow things will get better.
M45, W45,S15, D10, Bomb 10/3/06, Moved back in 11/6/06, finally ILY 9/07 last thread
Hey there, I can see how you feel, looking at a despotent person and you almost want to scream "breath, do something! don't just sit there!" my H is a zombie when he's home, mostly because he has the schedule from hell.
Try your darnest not to highlight what you dont' like when you see her, maybe you went there with all sorts of expectations, I try to keep mine at a bare minimun.
Tomorrow is a new day, and it can be better. Wishing you best of luck friend.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
